i wanna be sedated

If you’re familiar with The Ramones, well, there ya go.

Life is, very slowly, getting back to “normal.” I’m still irritable as all fuck but I’m trying. I have started eating again and I’m doing the things I know will help. But here’s the problem…

Slowing down to get out of the manic phase means slowing down. I don’t like slowing down.

I did realize the other day, earlier today, who knows… Anyway, I realized that Lancelot hasn’t known me when I wasn’t at least a bit manic. And that scares me. What if he doesn’t like the more mellow me? What if my slowness is boring?

He reassures me that this won’t happen and I’m trying not to let it trip me up. But I’m concerned.

I’m also concerned that my body appears to hate me more than usual right now. My skin stuff is acting up Big Time.

I did sleep last night. As long as I continue to sleep things will improve. I was also able to start the second hat last night which was nothing short of a miracle. I’m very thankful for it because the girls have a baton competition on Saturday and then there’s a fight on that night that Lancelot has already said he wants to watch so I’ll have ample opportunity to knit this weekend.

I’m thinking for the trip I’ll take supplies for two different shawls. They don’t tend to take up much room or need much other than the yarn and needles. I doubt I’ll be able to finish two, especially since the doc says she’s going to make sure I sleep on the flights, but still.

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