there i was, cornered in a cardboard shoe box, no popcorn left, trying my best to look like that stacked dude in To Wong Foo…

Why yes, I have gone over the edge, thanks for asking!

I really should be working right now, but I figure I deserve a break for a few minutes. I’ve been making good progress here lately which is good. I even managed to get some laundry done last night, so total bonus. Lancelot and I will be puppy-sitting tomorrow afternoon so I’m going to try to get some stuff done at the house while he keeps an eye on Pippi.

She really is an adorable little shit. So ornery. I found Garth’s favorite toy, Rhonda the Raccoon (also known as his fuck friend) yesterday in my laundry basket. Pippi  latched onto her immediately. Last night when we went to bed I got all the animals and Garth brought Rhonda to bed. The second he was done with her Pippi swiped her. Kids. Eric stayed sprawled out behind me in his usual night time spot.

I woke up this morning to a message from L saying that he’d had a song stuck in his head that reminded him of me. I listened and nearly cried; it’s very sweet. The original was from the Beatles “Help!” album released in August 1965. The video below is Paul McCartney with Wings from a tour they did in 1976.

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august confessions

I love working at a university. There’s energy, fresh ideas (mostly), and no one gives a damn about the way I look. Unfortunately at this university we are underfunded (we’re a public school) and seriously understaffed in certain areas.

There is one other person on this campus that does what I do, and we have well over 1000 faculty members that we support. Right now it feels like fully half of them are breathing down my neck for something. I know I’m good at what I do, and I have great relationships with these people, but…

FOR FUCK SAKE, I’M ONE GODDAMN PERSON!!!

Our semester starts in two weeks and I’ve got four course reviews to do, twenty quiz banks to create, dates to add to one course, and visual designs to do for another four. Plus, I got an email this morning from one person asking for looks like it’s going to be a full visual build based on stuff I’ve done for her before, but just enough different that it’ll have to be completely redone.

Lancelot and I had a really good weekend together celebrating us. I still have a hard time believing it’s been an entire year. He brings so much happiness into my world, I can’t imagine life without him.

I think I mentioned that Mom and I went to fetch her new puppy yesterday. Meet Pippi.

She’s a Goldendoodle and right now she’s teeny-tiny. Definitely a cuddler. The boys aren’t quite sure what to make of her but we had the cutest cat fight this morning. She sniffed Garth and he delicately reached out a paw and set it on her head. No hissing, no growling, no barking. Just that little gesture and then he walked away.

catching up

So much to tell… Many interesting things have happened since last I wrote. Some have been awesome, some have been awful. Let’s start by getting the awful out of the way, shall we?

The dermatologist has put me on a new med to try and help with my cysts. Actually, what it’s supposed to do is help me lose weight. And that means my chubby butt is back on the damn diet. The good part of this is that I’m really trying again. Hopefully this time it sticks.

The other slightly awful bit is that it’s August, and August at a university is busy as fucking hell. It is what it is.

The good bit about August is that Lancelot’s birthday was earlier this week, Mom’s birthday is in a few weeks, and her new puppy will be picked up next Monday. That also happens to be the one year anniversary of my first date with L. Once we had that date we never looked back. No going out with anyone else since then. Don’t we make a cute couple?

That smile gets me every time.

Part of why I haven’t written deals with the most recent shootings. No, I was not involved directly. No, I’m not an expert on any of this. But yes, I feel marginalized because of the statements the President has made regarding better screening for people who have mental illnesses wanting to purchase guns and how “those people” might have to be involuntarily committed.

This is how genocide starts.

It’s happening at the southern border with the detention camps and with the ICE raids. His rhetoric is to blame for many of the shootings; people who have become emboldened by his hate speech against minorities.

I am a minority if you use mental illness as a way in which I am different than other parts of the population.

I fully agree that we need easier access to higher quality mental health care, 100%. But don’t you dare fucking think that you should have the right to lock me up against my will, denying me of my constitutional rights, just because you’re uneducated and refuse to listen to reason.

On a lighter note, here is Eric the Red taking a brief rest from playing with his squirrel toy…

i love you spoon

I’ve decided I’m just going to give up on forks for awhile. Spoons are where it’s at.

I do have a bit more energy now that I’ve stopped the blood pressure thing. Honestly, if I could remember how to spell it I’d tell you what it is. Anyway, I was able to get two loads of laundry done last night after work and that was after going and getting my hair cut and colored. So I’m feeling better about being able to function.

Functioning is good, particularly this weekend. My dearest Lancelot has a birthday on Monday so I’m planning to spoil him rotten this weekend. Some home cooked meals, a movie, a concert, and a dinner out are all on the lineup so far. I started the shenanigans yesterday with a silly little stuffed monkey. Today he got a little package of chocolates. I love spoiling that man.

Tomorrow is dermatologist day. Not sure what to think about this. I’ve been taking Humira for ages now and it doesn’t seem to be helping much anymore. I take two pills on top of that and I’m not seeing much come from them either. I had the same nonsense on my legs and they removed it with surgery but with where it’s at now that just isn’t an option.

Having chronic nonsense is frustrating. The mental health stuff, the skin stuff, the weirdo stomach issues that act up sometimes… It’s just more than I want to deal with, ya know?

Thank you Cowboy Sam Elliot, I think I will.

chemistry experiment

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2006, shortly before I turned 30. I’ve been treating it, and the raging anxiety, with medication and therapy for the last 13 years. Life with mental illness very often involves being a chemistry experiment.

One of the meds I take, Lithium, causes nasty tremors. Over the last few months it’s gotten bad enough that eating with a fork has become a risk prospect. And my handwriting is totally not even readable. It’s terrible. But the Lithium very literally is what keeps me sane.

Dilemma.

I talked to my doc about it the last time I saw her and she put me on a new  med. It’s used to control blood pressure, which I don’t have issues with, by slowing the heart rate. I got up to a therapeutic dose, thought it was helping, and then CRASH.

I was so tired all the time, I had no energy, and walking from my car to the office left me exhausted. Lancelot finally said something and I agreed to call the doc.

Fortunately she said I could quit immediately and should see an improvement, like right about now. And I am.

As much as I hate having to be a chemistry project I know how important it is. Meds don’t always work like they should, body and brain chemistry change, new advances in science are made. Maybe one day they’ll come up with a single pill that will guaranteed take care of this nonsense. Until then…

tool talk

I’m borrowing these questions from Nothing But Knit.

  • Is there a tool that you own that is your absolute favorite? Which is it? What did you use before you had that tool?

My mom got me a set of Denise Interchangeable Knitting needles ages ago and I still use them. I love being able to have different length cables and all of those needles in such a small space.

  • Is there a tool that you bought that is way less useful than you hoped? Does it detract from your crafting?

I have probably half a dozen of those old red/white row counters that I never use anymore. I have an app on my phone that’s a lot more versatile.

  • Is there a tool that other people think is necessary and you just don’t use it? How do you get around it?

Blocking wires, I’ve never used them. I get around it by selecting patterns that mostly don’t need to be blocked.

  • How do you store your tools? Do they have their own special space?

The needles, and my crochet hooks, are in an old nightstand in the basement. The notions pouch is in the nightstand in my bedroom. The yarn is everywhere.