start of the semester got me like… ugh

Last week was rough. No, ROUGH. On Tuesday I picked Lancelot up from work early in the morning, came home, and crawled back into bed for three hours. I spent my work day in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I’m not sure if I was coming down with a cold or if I’d just gotten too run down or what. But it wasn’t good.

Is anyone else at that point where you freak the hell out any time you sneeze?

Anyway, I finally started to feel better when I realized I actually do need to take care of myself. I started a new shawl, I started eating a little better, and I let myself wear pajama pants a lot. It was good and it helped.

The pattern, not that you can tell a damn thing right now, is Tumbledown Mountain and the yarn is Mille Colori Sock and Lace. The colors are WILD. The pattern is fairly sedate to start with so the stripes are going to be amazing. So far this is just what I need, delightfully relaxing knitting that I don’t have to think about much.

I’ve also been trying to get some stuff taken care of around the house that I’ve been neglecting. I’m not one that normally lets the laundry get out of hand, but I had, so I got that caught up. And we got our wedding pictures printed and framed, which was nice. All in all it was just a very good weekend.

Garth approved. Garth usually approves, unless Pippy is chewing on his tail. He actually snuggled with me most of last night. It’s nice except he likes to bite. I did get a really nice surprise yesterday from my stepdad.

A Child of my very own. And he likes Prickly Pear Red Bull Refreshers from the coffee shop. We’re going to need all the caffeine we can get. Today is the first day of the semester for us and there have already been some massive technical issues that have impacted a vast portion of the planet. Nothing like starting off having one of your most critical tools take a shit right in the middle of your breakfast.

 

 

 

firsts

There are certain things in life that I wasn’t sure I would experience. Some of those things make me quite happy to miss out on, like child birth. Some of those things had made me sad. Today I need happy things so we’re going to focus on all sorts of firsts that are making me smile.

I am officially a first time home owner. The paperwork is all done. And, of course, they raised the value of the house so next year I’ll get to pay even more in taxes. Yay!

I will get to see my mother happily married to a man that she loves, and I’ll be the one walking her down the aisle. After my father passed away I wasn’t sure she would find love again. I am quite pleased to see my mother acting like a teenage girl for the first time in my life.

Lancelot and I bought artwork, picked it out together, to hang in our living room. He’s been helping me figure out where to put our pictures and whatnot, but this has been the first piece we’ve selected together. I can’t wait for it to arrive.

Our wedding will be the first time I’ve been with a man who was interested enough in the wedding to have opinions about how things go. He isn’t trying to run the show, but he’s got ideas and I’m enjoying this.

And this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever been this happy.

my dog is hugging a washcloth and snoring and I think that’s the cutest thing ever

It’s rough to be Pippy. She’s had some kind of tummy issue the last few days that have resulted in PITH (pooping in the house) and that makes me and Lancelot unhappy. We tried giving her rice and chicken to see if that would help and when it became apparent that it wasn’t we took her to the vet this morning. The good news is that it is not a parasite. The bad news is that the vet isn’t entirely sure what it is. So we have some pills to take a new kibble to eat. And yes, right now she is laying in her chair in my office with her coveted stolen washcloth between her front paws. Adorable to say the least.

I was talking to one of my work friends today over Zoom and realized that I haven’t been focusing enough of my energy on gratitude. And that’s a bummer because that’s been such an important part of my routines for so long and unfortunately that’s just sort of fallen by the wayside lately.

So today I am thankful for…

  • the roof over my head
  • the food I cook every night
  • the job I mostly love
  • the fuzzy critters who make me laugh even though they take up way more than their share of the bed every night
  • my darling Lancelot who helps keep me sane and gives amazing hugs
  • Mom and R because they’re awesome
  • my friends, y’all included
  • my medication that really keeps me sane

the smell of a plan first thing in the morning

I will make a plan for you Mama! I am good with the computer!

In all fairness, this is not first thing in the morning. First thing in my morning was probably around 3am with Dogzilla woke me up to go out. She was slightly more gentle about it today. We started by squeaking the toy that Garth had thoughtfully left on the bed for us. Once she realized I was half-conscious she put her paw on my shoulder and looked at me.

Have you ever just known that a dog was looking you square in the face even though it was near pitch black in the room? It’s a scary thing, even if that dog is a 21.6lb black puppy with very curly hair. And it’s scary because it’s the look that means “I will pee on this bed if I have to, try me.”

I digress, as usual.

I would love to have a plan today but it’s Monday and I’m still a little wore out from the weekend. We had dinner with Mom and R on Friday night, mostly so I could deliver her Mother’s Day flowers a little early.

She loves fresh flowers and this big ol’ arrangement had a little bit of everything in it. What you can’t see in this picture are the cluster of Stargazer Lilies on the other side. She’s carrying a bouquet of those when she gets married next month.

His smile really is what I fell in love with. He’s such a gentle soul, and a good son-in-law. Those flowers were overly full of cold water and he wore a significant amount of that on the drive over.

Anyway, Saturday we took the pup to the vet for an allergy issue, ran errands, then I ran all over the neighborhood because the pup got out and was being obstinate. Good times. And then on Sunday we did brunch here at the house. I made a breakfast casserole that my mom and L really like and a batch of peach bread pudding. It was a lovely morning.

Aren’t they adorable together?

So are we. And yes, now that my hair is short in front I’ve decided it can be curly because I’m not interested in fighting with it. I’ll leave you with one last delightful little image…

This is my kitty and I loves him lots.

working from home

I am not super excited about working at home, it’s just not my thing. But I’m trying to make the best of it.My coworkers are kind of jerks sometimes, but it’s nice that they’re spending more time with me.

My biggest issue is that I miss my friends on campus. I chat with them off and on but it’s not quite the same. I’ve been able to see Lancelot the last two mornings and that helps, a ton. I know he’s worried about me, and I know why. He’s sweet.

The birthday wasn’t what either of us had planned, but I really thought it was good. L got me two gorgeous necklaces and a really cool resin skull with Celtic knot designs all over it. Mom’s friend R got me a baby Yoda coffee mug.

It’s not the stuff or the place that makes an occasion, it’s the people you’re surrounded by.

 

so there I was, surrounding myself with bright colors and second breakfast, trying to keep my chin up when…

Being a grown up is HARD. It actually rather sucks a good deal of the time. All of the responsibilities, the financial burdens, the whole not being able to tell everyone to just go piss off when you aren’t in a mood to deal with them. You know what I’m talking about.

When you’re a grown up who also has a mental illness it’s even less fun. Sometimes. Right now is rather HARD. I lost a dear friend to a wretched disease and it’s JUST NOT FAIR. To make things worse, there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.

Except there is.

I cooked dinner last night. I took some work home to make today easier. I talked to a friend on Facebook. I took my meds and got some sleep. I had breakfast this morning. I took a shower and got dressed like the professional I am.

I am moving forward because, quite honestly, it’s what my friend would have wanted. She wouldn’t want all the sadness and tears. She was eternally optimistic and I loved her all the more for that.

I will miss her, always, and I may cry a few more tears. But I’m also going to get back to the business of living my life to the fullest because that’s how she lived, and I think it’s a good way for all of us to live.

things I wish our instructors knew

Today is the first day of the spring semester. Spring is never as big a deal as fall, but still. And this year is a little extra odd because when finals were over for fall so was the work year for us.

But everyone knew that was going to happen. The academic calendars come out at least a year in advance. And spring always follows fall, so seriously kids, get with the program. We’re all grown ups here, let’s act like it, shall we?

In no particular order, here are a few things I wish our instructors would take into consideration.

There is one of me. There are roughly 1000 of you. I have colleagues that do some of the same things I do, but they don’t read my email.

I don’t work nights and I don’t work weekends.

You can’t leave me voice mail because I suck at checking it. Send me an email. I do check that from my phone, sometimes even at night or on the weekend.

There are a lot of things I do for you because it’s easier than trying to explain to you for the 10th time how you can do it. But please don’t be surprised if I answer your question with a handout. I have limits.

I don’t work here for the money, I do this because I love being in education.

The more polite you are, like just saying thank you, the more likely I am to give you extra care and attention.

I went to school to learn how to teach and use technology to more effectively teach; you did not. You’re an expert in your thing, please try to acknowledge that I’m an expert in my thing.

It’s entirely possible that I’ve been here longer than you have (I’m fast approaching 20 years) so please consider acknowledging my historical knowledge of this fine institution. Also, I know lots of people around here so please be careful who you trash-talk in front of me.

Honestly y’all, I love this place. I can’t imagine being anywhere else and I never thought I would stay at one job for this long. But sometimes it’s frustrating, as all jobs can be. Thanks for letting me get this out of my system.

i’m ready for my close-up mr. deville

I have no idea at this point where that comes from. Some movie I think. I’m exhausted so it’s hard to say. I had already worked 40+ hours as of when I left campus at 8:15 last night. But I looked good.

I actually decided I looked good enough that I got my professional head shot taken by the campus photographer yesterday.

This truly is the busiest week of my year, generally speaking, which makes me a little surprised that I had someone flake out on an appointment this morning. I’m not bitching, I put that “found time” to good use. But still, how rude.

I do love my job, I really do. Lancelot keeps telling me how amazing I am at it. My new coworker told me last night that he also thinks I’m pretty fab at it. Nice kid, he thought I looked like I was 34, not 43.

Anyway, all I ever really hope for from the people I help is that they say “thank you” or some variation. After all, once a month I get a paycheck for doing this. But this week I had two ladies who have become friends as well as faculty bring me gifts.

Absolutely stunning, both of them. Hopefully I can keep them alive.

and then this happened

Sorry for the absences lately. This is well and truly the busiest fucking week of my whole year. There’s a literal fuck-ton of stuff going on.

But, it’s not all work. Lancelot and I have been planning this for awhile…

My ring is an aquamarine, my birthstone, and his is a custom Celtic piece with a bear. (my nickname for him is Bear)

Let me be clear – we are not getting married, not in the traditional sense. There will be no change of name for me, no moving boxes. We’ve made a promise to each other to love, respect, and care for each other for the rest of our days. And that’s all we need.

not dead yet

Hello y’all! Did ya miss me? Yeah, me too.

I have so much I want to write about, pictures to share, but there’s not enough time while I’m awake and kicking.

The time off with Lancelot was awesome. We cooked good food together, went to an art museum, saw the new Spiderman movie, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I also blocked two shawls (that I got pictures of), got some beautiful new jewelry, and managed to get a few projects taken care of – like finishing a professional development course for work.

Right now I’m feeling very fortunate to be in good health, to have a job I love, a roof over my head, and food to eat. I know that there are a whole lot of other folks who are less fortunate, through no fault of their own.

Be kind to one another, and remember that you have no idea what battles your fellow person is fighting.