It’s a whole 24F here right now and I don’t think the high temp for the day is much higher. Over the weekend we got 6 or so inches of snow. This is Winter, and winter in the Midwest frequently sucks. So I’m going to combat the suck with some lovely handknits.
The plus side of Lancelot working overtime Friday night was that Mom and I went shopping together. I got a few things for my nieces for Christmas and got myself some solid color, long sleeved T-shirts. I find these to be ideal for showing off knit shawls.
That was actually taken on Friday. Not only was I sporting a shawl I knit but also a beautiful shield brooch Lancelot got me in Weston as well as a pair of Josephine knot earrings I got in Branson. Beautiful outfit all the way around.
This morning it’s navy blue with a different shawl. Today is also blue jeans and knock-off UGG boots because of the intense cold and the snow.
My plan is to wear something I’ve knit every day this week and post a picture. It’s not like I’ve got a shortage of choices. I have at least one I can think of that I haven’t even worn yet, and I know that because it still needs the ends woven in.
I took that picture the morning I left for India. I was petrified. All of the potentially horrible things that could happen while I was gone just kept swirling through my head. I think maybe you can see the sheer terror on my face.
But not on Lancelot. He’s grinning like a fool. He (and everyone else in all honesty) knew that I was capable of doing this and doing it well.
Everyone but me.
One of the most cruel jokes the mental brain plays on us is stripping away our confidence in ourselves, making us feel that we aren’t deserving or capable. But one of the greatest gifts it’s given me is empathy for others and the ability to be a champion for someone.
Life is not always perfect, and the world is not always kind, but I will strive to enjoy what I have as long as I have it.
I had this amazing therapist that I used to refer to as T-Bone. I saw him for quite a few years. He was a psychologist, so a PhD, but he dropped near as many f-bombs as me during a session. He was this mountain of a man, tall with a big white beard, long ponytail, and typically wore hiking boots and flannel shirts. He also played fierce guitar.
He left the practice to take a different job in another state and the day he left it took everything I had to keep my shit together. I knit him a hat as a going away present. He was well and truly a surrogate father for me when my dad died in 2012.
I transitioned to seeing a female therapist in the same practice, someone I had worked with during DBT. We have an amazing relationship now that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Literally, anything.
She told me a month or so ago that T-Bone was coming back. I don’t know the circumstances of his return, just that he was not only returning to the area but specifically to the practice. The first thing I said to her was that I’d like to see him, to say hello, but I’m not leaving her care. And I meant that.
Fast forward to yesterday… I’m sitting in the waiting room to see my doc (also in the same practice) and this young man comes in and says he’s got an appointment with T-Bone. I almost cried. And then T-Bone walked past the reception window, looked right at me, smiled and waved. And I almost cried again.
The visit with the doc was good. She agreed that I look and sound better. No changes for a week, we’ll re-evaluate next Friday.
I also asked her to do me a favor and tell T-Bone that I’m still fighting the good fight. She said that since I had given permission she’d be happy to do that.
It’s been a busy summer. We had a great time at the conference. There was a lot to learn and a lot of fun to be had. We aren’t going to talk about the massive quantities of vodka at the carnival or the kiss from the cute Southern fella.
But speaking of men, I’m giving up again for awhile. I tried talking to someone new and it was just really awful. What’s so hard to understand about women being more than sex objects? FFS. All I’m out is some time but still.
This is a hard time of year for me. In addition to having Bipolar I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder, so shorter days mean less sun and trouble sleeping. That one is easy to handle, the rest not so much.
Saturday would have been my dad’s 71st birthday if he hadn’t died of a rare form of cancer in 2012. Mom and I kept each other company and did a fair bit of reminiscing, even having the pizza she ate almost exclusively while pregnant with me.
We spent some time fixing the lights on our back deck and I ended up covered in little bug bites. I cannot wait for the first good frost to send those f^%$ers straight back to hell. I can deal with pain no problem, I’m allergic to almost all pain meds with the exception of morphine so I kind of have to be, but itching is a whole other issue.
Today I finally faced a medical issue and found that the pain I’ve had in my arm the last 6 months is a screwed up rotator cuff. Off to physical therapy I go.
Wednesday is going to be rough. Last year I lost both of my 18 year old calico cats on the same day. Sissy let me take her to the vet and be put to sleep peacefully. Evie crawled behind the furnace and had to be rescued and then died in my arms. My phone decided to be thoughtful and show me one of the last photos I took of Evie earlier today. I damn near lost it.
And this crap in Las Vegas… Why in the name of all that is holy can’t people just be nice to each other???