Top: Eric and Garth Middle Left: Lancelot took me to see Les Miserables yesterday for my birthday Middle Center: Homemade Kung Pao Chicken Middle Right: Current crochet project – Meadow Lace Shrug Bottom Left: Garth and Dog Blossom Bottom Center: A flowering cactus a friend gave me several years ago Bottom Right: One of my drawings
It’s been a week. I’ve been dealing with a fairly substantial HS flare up, so bad that I called Friday and got an emergency appointment to see the dermatologist this afternoon. I don’t know if I need another light treatment or different medication or what, but this is quite possibly the worst it’s been since I had surgery for it. Hopefully she can come up with something.
I did have a really good appointment with my psych doc last week. I’m doing well enough these days that she’s letting me try to taper my anxiety medication some. I’ve been taking 1500mg of Gabapentin for several years now; 600 in the morning and then 900 at night. Given how well I’ve been doing without the Lithium she feels that we can start to look at the other medications I take, especially since that could be part of why I’m having so much trouble losing weight. I’ve dropped one of the mornings pills so that puts me at 300 and then still 900 at night. Once this feels stable I can cut back to 600 at night. I plan to take this slow. I also know that the Gabapentin is fairly fast acting so if something is causing me too much anxiety I can take one and it’ll kick in within about 30 minutes.
goals update
I have continued to do a drawing every day, which is kind of separate from my original goals, but still. I’ve been doing really well with everything I think. I continue to look at the clothes I already own with a more critical/creative eye and try to find ways to make them feel new by combining them differently and with different accessories. I’ve also been looking at ways to use the materials I have on hand for my creative projects – in particular with glass bottles and jars that have ended up in the recycle bin. That’s a treasure trove right there.
Top Left: A rare meeting of all three beasts Top Center: New glasses Top Right: Marinated tomatoes and cheese on toasted bread (super tasty, pain in the ass to eat) Middle Left: An old glass bowl that reminded me of a flower so I added alcohol ink to it Middle Center: Pippy and Eric enjoying the sunshine Middle Right: Progress pic of the cross stitch cat project (it’s a lot farther along than that now) Bottom Left: LEGO succulent set Bottom Center: On Thursday we got 9″ of snow, that was the view out my bedroom window at our back deck Bottom Right: My Valentine gift from Lancelot
It was a fairly quiet week for us, partially because of the snow. We’re in a part of the country where the meteorologists aren’t always right about winter storms. In all fairness, that’s gotta be a hell of a hard job. My coworkers were all very skeptical about us getting any snow at all since the last few “storms” have amounted to very little.
Not this time
At one point it was snowing 1.5″ per hour. I kept myself at home, safe, and warm. Pippy loves it though. She goes out in the yard and romps around and comes back in with little snow balls stuck to her legs and muzzle. We try to throw one of her towels in the dryer when she goes out so that we can rub her down with a warm towel when she finally comes back in.
Goals Update
I’m still doing pretty damn well with the goals. I’m still working my way through my stash of craft supplies when I want to get creative and I’ve been trying to focus on finishing projects that are already in the works. The exception was over the weekend I took a little time to make some jewelry and I’ve been trying to do a bit of origami. But no new knitting projects.
I firmly believe in the mantra “work smarter, not harder.” It’s quite possibly the secret to any success I have in life. I would much rather spend time planning, and working, ahead so that I spend less time scrambling at the last minute.
I make menus for the week so I know what I need at the store so that I only make one trip. I get my outfits put together for the entire work week on Saturday morning so that I don’t have to think about it when I’m getting ready for work in the morning. I use a medication management system that allows me to fill an entire 30 mornings and nights worth of medicine at once and comes apart so that I can take my container of meds for a day with me if necessary. I cold brew my coffee at home 32oz at a time so that I have inexpensive, healthier, coffee at home any time I want.
Basically, if it can be done in a batch I do it that way. I had the epiphany yesterday during my massage that “efficiency is Lazy but with a purpose.”
At any rate, I’m gearing up for the year ahead and starting to make some plans. Here’s my officially official list of Goals for 2023:
No new craft supplies (unless I manage to completely deplete my stashes of stuff)
Finish all of my kits (beading, knitting, etc. including the ones I’ve put together for knitting projects)
Read at least 4 books
Establish and maintain habits/routines for exercising
Complete at least 5 creative projects each month (anything creative counts – drawing, knitting, jewelry, LEGO, etc)
No new clothes unless I need new underwear or bras
No new shoes
Lose 50lbs
Post on my blog at least once per week
Learn how to bake bread from scratch
Earn at least one professional certificate
Learn at least one new craft skill
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve stacked the deck in my favor here. I’ve stocked up just a tiny bit on craft supplies, bought 2 pair of shoes, an assortment of clothes (all of which will help rebuild my now lacking work wardrobe), and a new winter coat. In my defense, the coat is lilac colored, was 40% off, and was something I had been looking for.
Part of my plan to maintain my state of lazy efficiency will be to post an update on my goals as part of my weekly blog post. I’m currently toying with the idea of trying to figure out how to create a template for myself in WordPress just to maintain some consistency for myself be lazy and not have to recreate the wheel every damn time. And so as to help keep myself accountable, I’ve not only told you fine people about my goals but I’ve also shared them with several of my good friends and I’ve printed a pretty copy of them to hang on the bulletin board next to my desk. Accountability and reminders, yo.
I do have some pretty things to show you. I’ve been working on projects, trying to finish a few things before the year ends but also adding in some new fun bits.
Top left – the Leaf Scarf, now complete with beads. It will need to be blocked slightly. Top right – a Celtic Cables Neck Warmer, free pattern and using yarn I already had. Should be done soon, it’s farther along than it was there. Bottom left – that is Vanessa the Plesiosaur. She was a crochet kit from Toft yarn and I would HIGHLY recommend their kits. I made that for the husband. Bottom right – I’m making the Flyaway Vest using a beautiful laceweight yarn that ombres from a beautiful rich ruby to a vibrant fuchsia and back again. The entire thing was originally written to be stockinette stitch but I’ve modified the back to use Old Shale lace which I think will be particularly interesting seen vertically.
The neck warmer will definitely be finished before the end of the year, the vest may be as well. I do also have a few other projects still in progress, as you may recall, and I’m not sure about their status. I do seem to like having a variety of things going at once to stave off the boredom.
psych update
There isn’t actually much to report right now. I haven’t had any medication changes or symptom changes in quite some time now. I have gotten into the habit of using my full spectrum light in the mornings when I work at home and I know that helps with the Seasonal Affective Disorder. I also make a point of taking care of my physical health as best I can, better now than I ever have really, because at 46 years old I have finally realized that it’s easier for my brain to feel good when my body feels good. Remarkable, eh?
Welcome to Monday. No, I don’t care if you still have your receipt, you can’t get a refund. Buck up, little camper, here we go again…
Tao Silk Scarf – not using silk, maybe alpaca?
This is the “personal” project that I’m working on most right now. The pattern was free from Jimmy Beans Wool and is pretty straightforward; just a 4 row repeat. I’m using a ball of unknown laceweight yarn from my stash. I suspect it started life as “naked” alpaca from KnitPicks that I dyed myself about a thousand years ago but I don’t honestly remember. It’s pretty, it’s easy, and it makes me happy.
Other things that are making me happy include making a few more holiday gifts over the weekend, getting connected with a local knitters group that will happily take the hats and scarves I’ve been making and donate them to their chosen charity this year (I just need to get all of the ends woven in), and Lancelot. I mean honestly, what’s not to be happy about with a partner who gets what “partner” actually means.
Another thing that makes me happy is being a student, and I realized last week that it’s been too long since I wore that hat. I am not at all interested in another degree right now – for one thing I don’t think I can afford it in terms of my mental health. The university I work for covers some tuition costs if you attend one of the system schools, so that would help if I did decide to pursue a program there again, but mentally and emotionally I know that I don’t have what it would it would take to do justice to another full-on graduate degree. Not right now at least.
Instead I’m going to do a professional certificate program, all online and from the comfort of home, and I should be done in about a month. All for $50 and it comes very highly recommended. I’m excited about this. I really am someone who thrives on learning new things.
Goals update
Y’all probably know by now that I set myself some goals every year. I do not believe in the whole “new year’s resolution” thing, but I do believe in pushing myself to do new things and try to do some old things even better. The list for 2022 was (comments for each in brackets):
No new yarn (I have only bought yarn once, for a very specific project that was commissioned by a friend)
Learn a new knitting skill (I’ve finally learned how to knit with two colors!)
Complete at least one creative project every month (so far August was my slowest month with only 7 projects)
Learn a new craft skill (I’ve learned several new techniques for beading and jewelry making)
Try at least two new recipes every month (we’ve tried far more than this and loved 99% of them)
Plant and maintain a vegetable garden (we had tomatoes, two kinds of peppers, strawberries, and assorted herbs growing on the deck; I’ve started clearing space in the existing flower beds to accommodate a proper garden next year)
Lose 50lbs (this is the goal that I’ve struggled with the most and haven’t made any real progress with)
I’ve already been working on my goals for 2023, mostly so that I can be prepared. I’m 99.999% confident these are set now:
No new craft supplies (unless I manage to completely deplete my stashes of stuff)
Finish all of my kits (beading, knitting, etc. including the ones I’ve put together for knitting projects)
Read at least 4 books
Establish and maintain habits/routines for exercising
Complete at least 5 creative projects each month (anything creative counts – drawing, knitting, jewelry, LEGO, etc)
No new clothes unless I need new underwear or bras
No new shoes
Lose 50lbs
Post on my blog at least once per week
Learn how to bake bread from scratch
Earn at least one professional certificate
Learn at least one new craft skill
I think those should be both challenging yet absolutely attainable. And, in an effort to be able to tell when I’ve finished all of the kits I have, I’ve started taking an inventory of everything I have in the house. That’s been a great exercise because I’m uncovering things that I had completely forgotten about. It’s like shopping without spending any money.
I’ve considered going back to doing goals on a weekly basis; not quite sure about that yet. I will say I feel there’s a lot to be said for it in terms of keeping accountable. For now, it’s Monday and it’s time to see where today takes us.
Eric and Froggy are trying to hide from Monday, unsuccessfully
Lancelot and I seem to have started a tradition of sharing a bottle of wine on our anniversary, and being the sentimental fool that I am, I’ve kept the corks from those two bottles. I wasn’t really sure why, it just seemed right. Yesterday I decided to see if I could make them more visible and that’s exactly what happened. I wrapped the corks with a bit of wire and added some sparkly bits. The other one is the same concept but with different accents. I have them hanging on the plant stand and they’re just perfect. I love projects that combine found objects and supplies I already have on hand.
I have definitely been keeping busy with the crafting lately. I finally finished some ornaments I had started working on sometime earlier this year, because the inspiration for how to finish them finally came to me. And I modified that Dragon Egg pattern to use some Koigu KPPM I had in my stash and ended up with a cozy for a plant jar.
I have no idea how much of a skein I used for this because it had been salvaged from a project of unknown origin and has been in my stash for well over 10 years. I had approximately 90 zillion ends to weave in because of this so instead of weaving them in I threaded them all to the inside and hid them instead. It’ll be our secret, shhhhh…
Keeping with my goal of not buying any yarn this year, and realizing that it wasn’t a struggle, has me thinking about going even bigger (actually smaller) next year. My thinking right now is that I won’t buy any new yarn, kits of any kind, or craft supplies next year. The caveat to all of those is that if I somehow manage to run out then my goal will have basically been met. But trust me, that’s not going to happen. I started making a list of just the bead kits I have and there are 10 on the list so far. So far. That doesn’t count the knitting kits, the crochet kit, felting kits, and other assorted craft kits that I know are lurking in this house. Step one is going to be to find and catalog all of those.
In other news, Lancelot and I took a mini-vacation to Des Moines, IA last Friday and had a blast. We went to the Art Center, Botanical Garden, an art gallery, and had the famous Crab Rangoon pizza at Fong’s. It was great to be able to get away and not spend an entire day on travel. It took less than a full tank of gas for the round-trip, plus we only needed a hotel for one night and L found a very nice place that was smack in the middle of what we wanted to see and was reasonably priced and had a fantastic continental breakfast. On Saturday when we got home we hung out and watched way too much TV and just had a really good time together.
We are sort of adorable together
psych update
There’s actually not much to update right now. I won’t see the doc again until the end of November, though I do see my therapist just about every other week. I think that therapy, like the medication, will always be a part of my life and I’m really ok with that. I feel very strongly that we all need someone to talk to that we know won’t judge us and will help us find solutions to situations that we just can’t talk to anyone else about. It’s just good for the soul.
Doesn’t it frustrate you when you pick just a tiny bit of a song lyric out of thin air that perfectly fits, but you can’t remember which song it comes from? Ugh, bonkers. Anyway, moving on…
Dragon Egg Dice Bag for friend N’s birthday
The gathering of people for N’s birthday this weekend went really well. The food turned out great, there was some great conversation, and for me it was just a lovely opportunity to play hostess, which is something I quite enjoy. And the gift I made him, the Dragon Egg Dice Bag (Ravelry link to free pattern), was very well received. Even better – I already had yarn than worked out perfectly and I got to learn a new stitch to make it.
In general I would say that things around here have been quiet and smooth. We’ve had bumps, yes, but tiny ones. And I feel like we’re in good shape for the coming months. Our Halloween decorating is done, I’ve started working on my plan for Christmas decorating, and I’ve been working on gifts.
Yesterday afternoon I managed to work out a “pattern” for a bead embellished glass ornament and I’m very pleased with the results, especially considering I didn’t use a pattern.
It’s hard to see but there’s a small crystal star suspended inside the ornament
I had a bunch of these clear ornaments and a bunch of beads so, look out world, beaded ornaments for everyone on my list this year!!!
Psych update
Things with the med adjustment continue be going well. I have noticed that I’m not constantly thirsty like I was and I do feel a bit more animated. The other real change right now is that it’s time for the sunlamp. In addition to working to keep the Bipolar under control I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder that I’ve been very effectively treating by using a full spectrum sun lamp in the mornings during the fall/winter months. This was the treatment prescribed by my doc and it really does work. Plus, it’s not a pill and that’s a bonus when you have as many pills to take as I do.
A friend of mine has this legitimately delightful habit of gently (ahem) correcting people who are exhibiting negative self-talk. “Are you saying mean things to my friend Erin?” And she’s right, we shouldn’t do that sort of thing to ourselves. It’s not helpful and often just makes things worse. The most important thing here though is that she listens and then offers this support immediately. It’s another way to tell someone you love them without using that word. Food for thought for us all I suspect.
Mildly remodeled plant area
My plant area in the sunroom was feeling Very Cramped, but since there are kitties in the house I have to be careful with what’s where not only because they are destructive little fuckers, but also because some plants are toxic to them. Lancelot helped me select and then assemble this very modular solution that fits in the space on top of the cabinet where the plants had been living. There are no new plants here they’re just arranged differently. I think everyone will be getting better light now and it certainly doesn’t seem as cramped. L even commented that the whole room feels different now.
psych update
I met with my psychiatrist last week and it went very well. She agrees that being off the Lithium seems to be going quite nicely. She also agreed with my thought that I might have been a tiny bit overmedicated. However, the entire support network has rightly been concerned about me not being medicated enough for a hell of a long time, so better safe than sorry.
I’ll meet with her again at the end of November and, assuming things are still smooth, we’ll talk about possibly lowering the dose of one of my other medications.
This is a paraphrase from something I said to someone last week, and it’s utter truth: If you had told me in 2006 that a time would come when my life would feel “normal” and I would be “happy” I would have laughed and called bull shit. But here I am. A mental health diagnosis is not a life sentence, it’s a call to arms.
I’m going to guess that I’m not the only one starting to see shortages at the grocery store again. It’s possible that this is something different than the issues we were experiencing in the height of the pandemic, but whatever it is I find it a bit troubling. Because of that Lancelot and I have decided to “beef up” our pantry and freezer staples just a bit. No, I am not hoarding toilet paper or cans of tuna. I’m trying to shop the store sales and have a few extra cans/packages of the things we normally use, just in case.
I’ve also started gathering holiday supplies because last year I waited too long and then wasn’t able to get a few things I really hoped to have. So far I’ve ordered a few gifts and some Christmas decorations. I also picked up a rather large skeleton decoration. I have learned that if I see something I really want, that fits the budget, I should just freakin’ get it.
Alpine Meadow hat
I had to buy yarn this weekend, and yes, I really did have to buy it. My friend’s sister is fighting cancer for the second time and is anticipating losing her hair, again. And the weather here will be getting cooler. I love this pattern but didn’t have any bulky yarn, nor anything in the preferred colors. So Lancelot agreed that this would not mean I was going against my own goal of not buying new yarn because in a way this is a commission. (no, I am not planning to accept payment for this – the yarn was not expensive and I’m enjoying this)
The hat pattern (Ravelry link) is one I’ve knit at least three times before and is just lovely. I actually purchased it because they had the suggested yarn and a sample on display at my LYS several years ago. I find it to be well written, easy to follow, and it’s a quick knit.
Psych Update
In other news, last night I took my last Lithium capsule. This taper has taken four weeks and was done under the supervision of my psychiatrist. Please keep in mind that I would not ever suggest anyone muck around with medication doses, of any kind, without talking to the appropriate doctor. I would suggest that having frank conversations with your medical team periodically to see if what you’re taking (for any condition) is still the best thing and the best dose. Medical science advances every day.
I’m feeling pretty good really. I would say my motivation, concentration, appetite are all about where they usually are. I am experiencing the full range of normal human mood in a normal kind of ebb and flow. Nothing feels too hurried or too cumbersome. I do feel like I’m experiencing more enjoyment and excitement at times, but those are what feels like “appropriate” reactions to specific situations. I’ve discussed this with Lancelot and some of my support network and no one has noticed anything untoward.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Wednesday morning to follow up on all of this. I anticipate having blood work done sometime soon. Probably the biggest bummer from all this is I have five rather large bottles of Lithium capsules in the cupboard that I almost certainly won’t be needing. I plan to ask doc what’s the best way to safely dispose of that quantity of unneeded medication.
critter update
Sleepy baby
Garth has a visit with the vet lined up for tomorrow. He’s got a few tiny “naked” patches that I’m concerned about. There are two little spots on his face above his whiskers and another one behind his ear. Truly it looks like the fur just fell out; the skin that’s exposed looks healthy, no signs of scratching or trauma, no ringworm or anything like that. Who knows. So we’ll go get him checked out.
Eric the Red continues to be the most mellow kitty in the universe. His latest trick is to “steal” the critter bed positioned between the chairs in the living room where Lancelot and I normally sit, and where Dog Blossom normally conducts her neighborhood watch shifts. Dog is not pleased by this. Cat has no fucks left to give.
One of the classic symptoms of mania is starting All The Things, All At Once, and then not finishing a damn thing. I freely admit that I am notorious for having multiple knitting projects on the needles at once, mostly because I’m not sure what mood I’ll be in when I sit down to knit. This tendency stuck with me and we’ve decided it’s just a part of me, so we leave it alone.
Lately rather than starting a bunch of projects I’ve felt compelled to try to finish as many of the things I have started as I can. I’m enjoying this, honestly. I’ve recently finished two knitting projects – the Carmine cowl and the Japanese Leaf Lace Shrug – and I’m feeling determine to get the rest of the knitting projects I’ve started this year finished before the new year rolls around.
What I have left currently on needles:
Sugar Stick scarf – it’s my first two-color project and I love it, but I decided to use sock yarn so it’s SLOW.
Ennis Lotus Cowl – I love this, but it’s a beast. Also sock weight yarn, plus it’s lace, plus there are beads. This one was actually started last August.
Lace scarf – again, this is a scarf and I’m using lace because that’s what the pattern calls for. It’s pretty, it’s portable, and the pattern is pretty straightforward.
I’m also working on a small counted cross stitch of a cat with flowers and I’m trying to figure out how to make two old glass plates and some random beads become yard art.
In the “next on deck” category there are six knitting “kits” that I’ve put together for myself, plus a variety of bead related kits, and then a bunch of other random stuff I’d like to do.
Plus the holiday gifts.
I should probably go get started…
Close up of the leaf lace, desperately needs to be blocked
I added color to the dragonfly drawing and I’m quite pleased with it. I’ve done a few more sketches that I think are destined to become patterns for bead embroidery projects, and I finished my Carmine cowl. Things have been going well, and that makes me happy.
randomly erin 