I’m a very goal oriented human being, just ask my mother. Or my co-workers. Or any of my ex-husbands. I like to have a plan and I like to have things to work towards. For awhile I was really good at blogging my goals and in hindsight, I think that helped. This year I’m going to try something a little different. I’m going to blog about my goals and I got myself an organizer thingy at Michael’s that has both a calendar and incorporates goal tracking.
I think I’m going to love it. Plus, it has flowers on the front and in gold lettering says “Today is Going to be Great.” What’s not to love?
So, my magnificent goals for 2018 will be…
- Pay off ALL of my credit card debt by the end of the year.
- Lose 5lbs per month through a combination of healthier eating and increased activity.
- Learn to use the Google Assistant on my phone.
- Complete one project (bigger than a wash cloth) every month using yarn I already have.
- Take the “strip” stained glass class.
- Get the Christmas 2018 decorations Mom and I have planned completed by April.
- Not purchase any new craft supplies.
In the spirit of transparency I feel compelled to tell you that I have cheated like a fiend with that last one. I went out on Friday and got some sheets of clear glass, but only so that I can use up the colored glass I already have and hopefully make some fabulous fused glass art. Also, on the day of my surgery I signed up for a “yarn of the month club” that I’m going to stay in because it’s less than $20/month and will help me get that “I need a new shiny thing” fix.
One of the goals that isn’t here, but is sort of implied, deals with finances. I spend way more than I should on crap that I shouldn’t. This morning I sat down and took a long hard look at what comes in compared to what goes out, in terms of money, and made a plan for paying off those credit cards with just 12 payments each.
I have an ample wardrobe, plenty of craft supplies, and enough yarn to quite likely circle the globe so I should be fine.
My intention when it comes to blogging about my goals is to provide some sort of update at least once a week. Generally I try to focus on one thing at a time because quite frankly I have a raging case of SOS (shiny object syndrome) and it’s just easier that way.
Here’s hoping that all of us have a fabulous 2018!
Where did we leave off in our saga? Oh yes, I looked like a lobster because of yet another allergic reaction and I was waiting to see if I needed another surgery. Good times.
The allergy subsided and I quite literally shed my skin. Everywhere. Thoroughly gross.
The breast cancer doc was not a woman but rather a lovely older gent with a lovely Hispanic accent who told me that he saw no reason to operate. Instead I’ll be having another mammogram in June on just the left side and we’ll keep an eye on that area for the next few years.
Christmas was good and things in general have been good. I’ve been productive finally. And I’ve been cleared by the oncologist to go back to work next week.
But all of this “sky is falling” stuff has got me thinking. I really do want to take charge of my own destiny and become the person I know I can be. So expect changes, some big and some small. Mostly you should expect to hear all about my goals. I have lots of things to do and I know I won’t get anywhere without a plan, and that’s how I think about goals.
Let’s do this, shall we?
I’m going to whine, about food, so if that ain’t your thing you might want to leave now.
My mom is helping me with this diet thing and she’s really amazing, she is. The most amazing mom ever. She’s just beyond amazing.
(you read that in the Donald’s voice, I know you did)
But I’m kind of a picky little thing and I’m not really enjoying this. For example, my morning snack today was 10 macadamia nuts. TEN. If you’re wondering whether I picked through the container to find the 10 biggest, you’re damn right I did. But before the Great Nuts Fiasco of ’17 we had to deal with the Sad Smoothie Situation of ’17.
I’ve never been one to put unusual things in my smoothies. They generally consist of fruit, yogurt, and either milk or fruit juice. Some of those yummy things are verboten right now though, so I got a little bit of fruit and some Plain Greek yogurt and Almond Milk. I really kind of despise almond milk. The only thing worse than almond milk is protein powder, and I got some of that, too.
It wasn’t quite the nastiest thing I’ve ever drank and I did actually finish it, but it left me with a serious craving for powdered milk cut with whiskey.
I know that this diet stuff is good for me. I’m easily 100lbs over weight (or 4ft under tall) and it’s nothing short of a miracle that I don’t have hypertension, diabetes, or any number of other weight related health concerns. The skin issue is what got this started, but this morning the universe sent me another message and I’m too smart to ignore it.
So I’ll whine a little and use my dark sense of humor to get through this. I’m in the process of writing a version of “Sound of Silence” that’s an ode to granola.
If you’ll excuse me, I need to go lick a paper plate.
I’m a firm believer in goals and that setting goals helps me achieve things. Unfortunately I’ve let my practice slip recently. (earlier this year is still “recently” right?) So I’m going to push myself to get back into that practice. In previous iterations I set myself weekly goals that followed several themes. I’m not sure that really serves me now like it once did, so I’m going to change this up a little. (my house, my rules)
One of the primary reasons I’ve always shared my goals is the whole accountability thing. They say that if you tell someone you intend to do something, you’re more likely to actually do it. I have no idea who “they” are but they seem to be right quite a lot. So here goes…
By the end of September, I will:
- Finish the triangle shawl I’m knitting
- Finish the peacock feather shawl I’m knitting
- Spend at least one hour per week writing
- Formulate a plan to implement the dietary changes my psych doc suggested
Interestingly enough, the diet thing has little to nothing to do with my mental health. I have a skin condition that I’ve had surgery for but it’s moved. Where it’s now located isn’t really fit for a successful surgical intervention but there’s some indications that a lower carb diet is helpful. The diet should at the very least help me lose weight and there’s some indications that skinny people don’t deal with this nonsense near as much as us chubby chickies.
On the plus side, I can eat my body weight in real whipped cream on this diet, so I’ve got that going for me.
I’m in what one of my colleagues aptly referred to as a “reinvention period.” And he’s right. Every so often I completely turn myself into a vastly different version of myself. In the past this has been brought on by failed relationships, wanting to keep relationships from failing, or wanting to keep the next relationship from failing.
It’s a well documented fact that I’m not very good in relationships. I’ve been married and divorced three separate times and been in too many other relationships to remember. But they don’t last and I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. So here’s the list of reasons I’m not “that” droid.
- I’m too old
- I’m too young
- I’m too short
- I’m too fat
- I’m too smart
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m too passionate
- My taste in music is too weird
- I’m not a musician
- I work in education
- I can support myself
- I don’t make enough money
- I have tattoos
- I don’t have kids
- I do have cats
- I don’t like to drink wine
- I have weird hair
- I have short hair
- I have bipolar disorder
- I’m opinionated
- I will speak my mind
- I’m not great at singing
- I’m not politically active
- I don’t like Trump
Lastly, but I’m finding now is most important, I don’t give a good goddamn about any of those things and whether or not a man puts stock in them or not. This is me, this is the skin I wear, and if you don’t like it…
The door is over there. I’ll be busy enjoying my bellydancing class, grilling myself a steak, and rubbing my kitties’ tummies.
I’ve completely lost track of how many hours I’ve worked since returning from the conference. I’m at that place where numbers have ceased to have meaning. Nights, weekends, early mornings… It’s all blurring together. Today might be Friday, but then again it might be next Thursday. Who’s to say.
But truly, I thrive on this nonsense.
I loathe boredom and I really do prefer having a lot to do as opposed to very little. I do remarkably well when I have more things to do than I really should be able to get done. There’s almost something magical about the stress of needing to do my best when I’m sleep deprived.
I may have stumbled on the secret of how to cram 36 hours worth of crap into a 24 hour day. Maybe. Then again, I may also have developed a recipe for poo scented shoe inserts. Only time will tell.
What I know for sure is that people keep saying nice things, the kittens are adjusting to the move at home, and I actually did some knitting last night. Life is good enough right now.
I should be finishing packing, or getting the last few things done for work, or cleaning something, or…
But I’m procrastinating. This isn’t usually something I do, honestly. I’m much more of a “get this crap done NOW” kind of girl. No sense in putting off until later what I can do right this very minute. But sometimes I get in a funk, and sometimes change is at the heart of it all.
Backstory – I’ve been living in the very lovely basement of the home I grew up in for a good number of years now. I love it. It’s spacious, I have a 1/2 bath here, my own full-sized fridge. It’s like a studio apartment with an attached house. But my mom and I are trying to get healthier and part of that is having a place to exercise. The basement is the most logical place for that so I’m moving upstairs.
I’m actually looking forward to it. A “normal” bedroom again sounds like fun. And the walls are pink (as is the carpet) and that sounds like fun, too. Plus, if something happens and either of us gets sick in the night it’s safer.
But it’s a change. I really do try to see any change as an opportunity for growth and good stuff. All of this will be done before life at work explodes again with the start of the Fall semester. I’ve booked movers to come take care of the furniture for us since there is no way in hell that the two of us can wrestle this stuff around.
I’m very much looking forward to going to this conference for work, but that’s some change there, too. I’ll be out of my normal element, but I’ll have a good chunk of my tribe there with me, and I know that will help.
And my therapist’s office just called saying they have a cancellation for this morning. Praise the squirrels.
Now I just need to decide if I’m going to take one of my little stuffed dragons with me or a squirrel…
Change is HARD.
My world feels full of change anymore. The department I work for got restructured in February and that created a fair bit of upheaval. We’re making a significant software switch on campus and that’s causing more upheaval. My continuing relationship with my ex is in a perpetual state of flux. I lost an uncle to suicide this summer.
Life is constant change and change can be HARD. But life is also constant opportunity for CHOICES.
I choose to see all of the change as a chance to make my life better.
I will be more than the labels I wear and I will be better than the foul mood I find myself in right this very minute and I will be the compassionate human being that I know myself to be.
I choose to see the good in the changes.