a million things

I’ve been making pretty good progress with getting my life back together. This wasn’t like some of the ridiculously spectacular explosions that I have faced before, but the time between January 1 and now has been, well, I don’t have enough of the right words to describe it.

It was like having to burn all the candles at all the ends.

It was like arguing with a demon in my head who was a toddler and insisted on a bedtime story every five minutes.

It was like watching all of the things I wanted to be doing slip through my fingers like water, and knowing that the water was tears.

But it’s over, and as much as I love what I wrote and as proud as I am of what I managed to do, it needed to be put away for now. And so I did. I cleared out a small drawer in my desk yesterday and put all of the printed materials and my notebooks in it. The memoirs I read are on the bookshelf (except Patty Duke’s shitty book, yuck). Reclaiming my workspace yesterday and getting that area ready for creative things again was crucial for moving forward.

I also went through my room and came up with four bags full to send to the thrift shop. I was ruthless. It felt FABULOUS. And, as usual, I found some things I had completely forgotten about. It feels a lot better in there now as well.

This is maybe a weird thing, but I’m going to share anyway. I’m totally a list maker, y’all know that. But I don’t like writing them on paper if I don’t have to. At work I have a whiteboard mounted on a door and I frequently fill that up. But at home I don’t have that, so I improvise.

Upstairs I keep a dry erase marker in the bathroom and I write my lists on the mirror. Sounds strange, but it works. It’s right there where I look every day and it wipes off super easy. I find that it really helps, and it’s a cheap hack.

Life is slowly returning to the happy place where I really enjoy it. Mom and I did a little shopping last Thursday, Lancelot and I went and had massages Saturday morning and then did a little shopping, we had friends over for dinner, and then brunch on Mother’s Day. And I’ve been knitting again. What more can you ask for?

Apparently you can ask for more treats.

DONE!!!

Do I seem excited? A little? Perhaps? Nah…

Friday night I turned in the last of my school work. I will freely admit that it wasn’t the quantity or quality that I normally strive for but I was burned extra crispy and all I wanted was to turn something, anything, in and get some meager amount of credit. And I did. Based on the feedback I’ve already gotten from my mentor I believe I have passed the semester.

That’s the new look. My hair is ridiculously short and I absolutely love it. The color is very black cherry and it suits me nicely. Lancelot has been playing with it, a lot, and I absolutely love that, too. Speaking of Lancelot…

After the panic of Friday night getting my homework turned in we spent the rest of the weekend in a much more relaxed fashion. We did a wee bit of shopping, watched a few movies, I did a little knitting while he watched some wrestling matches, and then we had craft time. I showed him how to make coasters using 4″ white tiles and alcohol ink. Much fun.

I’m looking forward to having more time to work on projects now that I’m not in school. I have a ton of beautiful yarn just waiting to be used, not to mention beads, and there are still projects that I’d started ages ago that need some love.

These boys need some love, too. I got a text from Mom this morning saying “this is how we do Mondays.” Indeed.

ridiculously goofy

We’ve been taking care of my sister’s dog this week which means the kitties have been a little off their routines. This morning when I went back upstairs to try to make my bed I was met with this. Allegedly they’re the same age. Allegedly they’re littermates. Eric is much closer to 14lbs and Garth isn’t quite 10lbs. They definitely look like a Full Size cat and a Fun Size cat. I just thought it was adorable that they were curled up sleeping the same way.

I’m still working on trying to get my own routines back inline. Today has been odd at work because it’s the “not quite official” end of the semester in that finals will be next week. This means there were some shenanigans today.

I never say no to shenanigans! It was a fun day, and always fun to get to wear a costume. I’ve been productive, too. My inbox is almost empty, YAY!

This morning I finished the shawl I had started when Lancelot and I went to Dublin. That felt amazing. I’m hoping to be able to start working on more projects next week, just as soon as I get that last bit of homework done and out of the way.

Hopefully everyone has great weekends!

white is my least favorite color

Have I managed yet just how ridiculous fucking sick to death I am of winter? And snow? And snow in the winter? That’s like the fucking worst ever.

We had roughly 10″ of snow over the weekend and the temps are ridiculously cold. Again. Getting around this morning was dicey to say the least. Here’s what I don’t get, and never have really…

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK YOU CAN DRIVE ON SHITTY SNOWY ROADS IN A LOW TO THE GROUND SPORTS CAR WITH SLICK TIRES???

I can’t even tell you how many cars I saw stuck in the middle of roads this morning, all of them sports cars. Well, there was that one Audi SUV but it was being driven by an idiot.

I digress.

We started watching the Oscars last night. For a tiny bit of time I had a Garth kitty on my lap, which was nice. He was not that excited about the TV though. Sometimes he watches, no shit.

Today I have made myself three days worth of pasta salad for the rest of the work week. Mom gets her other cataract surgery on Wednesday so hopefully she’ll finally be able to see right. I’m trying to get myself back in gear with my eating habits and everything. It’s a work in progress.

Anyway, this pasta is one that Lancelot introduced me to. It’s  made of five green veggies – kale, zucchini, spinach, parsley, and broccoli. I tossed it with an Italian salad dressing mix, grape tomatoes, sliced baby cucumbers, sliced olives, and shredded mozzarella cheese. It looks and smells pretty good. We shall see.

Time to get back to homework, or housework, maybe both. The manuscript is coming along nicely, almost 140 pages. I need to somehow manage to read another memoir in the next day and start writing my critical essay. This packet of stuff is due on Thursday morning.

domesticity

You know you’ve hit that “sweet” spot in a relationship when hanging out on the sofa with your laptop while your fella watches rugby is an ideal afternoon. Bonus points if going out for breakfast to the restaurant where you had your first date, also for breakfast, and then random shopping at Target in preparation for a blizzard is an ideal morning.

And then this.

We are goofs, totally.

Last night we had dinner with Mom and Lancelot got to hang with the kitty friends. He’s quite the animal lover and little Garth was happy to oblige. I’ll admit I’m a bit peeved; that little fucker almost never sits on my lap, and neither does Garth.

But yes, more snow is allegedly on the way. We got our running around done this morning and are already well entrenched in couch time. Oh, and homework. That’s next. Wish me luck.

oh the weird

I’m not sure why I ever think my life is going to be “normal” but I do and then it’s not and I’m all “well what the fuck anyway” and then I get a little “meh, so what” and then Lancelot kisses me and I get so totally “well that’s worth the price of admission” and then it’s all good.

Exhausting, right? But yes, well worth the price of admission.

That was on Saturday. He surprised me with another absolutely stunning wire-wrapped aquamarine necklace, this time with a very delicate dragonfly in it. You can’t really see it in this picture, I’ll try for a better one tomorrow. But will you look at the grin on my man’s face? That is a grin of pure bliss, I assure you.

Today is the six month anniversary of our very first date. Not much of an anniversary, you say. Shut your damn pie hole, I say. It’s important to us and so we celebrated just a tiny bit this morning. I picked him up from work and surprised him with a leather love knot bracelet. (my matching bracelet should be here today, I think) He loved it and said that I have now “blinged him all out.” Yes, I have. And he loves it.

Anyway, in other news (is there other news? really?) I spent a fair amount of time yesterday typing up all of the journal entries I had written by hand when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar back in 2006. I think they help to tell the story I’m going for in the memoir. It’s amazing how much of what happened back then that I have absolutely no recollection of. Like none at all.

I’ve also been knitting, with a little help of course.

We’re watching my sister’s dog while they’re out of town so the cats have been a little more affectionate with Mom and I. Garth actually curled up on my lap just to snuggle, he wasn’t the least bit interested in my knitting. The knitting is coming along nicely. I’m on the downhill slide with this one. The colors are primarily hot pink, grey, and black. I’m curious to see how symmetrical it ends up. The pattern is deliciously easy and satisfying and I am definitely on track to finish it before the end of the month.

working (from home) for a living

We’ve had quite the snowy winter this season. I know we’ve had years in the past with more, but this seems like more. Not sure why. Probably because I’m thoroughly NOT FOND of snow. Yes, quite likely.

I have been picking Lancelot up from work in the mornings and delivering him to his apartment and that’s quite lovely. Hard as hell most of the time, but lovely. The hard part is the whole “I must be an adult and actually make my way to work in a timely fashion” thing. That well and truly fucking sucks.

At any rate, this morning it was snowing rather ferociously so I picked him up, we sat in the parking lot at his building for a few minutes and watched traffic on one of the main streets struggling, and I made the executive decision that today was a fine day to work from home. Home was (usually) about a 10 minute drive away whereas the office was (usually) at least 25 minutes at that time of morning. I opted for the much shorter and safer route. Quite pleased I did, too.

I did wear something knit today, for the hour I was actually dressed. As soon as I got home I changed into pjs. Yay for working at home!

It’s been a pretty productive day, actually. I’ve gotten work stuff done, naturally, and I’ve gotten some “house” stuff done. My personal laptop keeps barfing on me, and by that I mean locking up at random, and I find myself just waiting for it to be done with it’s fit so I’ve found other things to do while sitting at my desk.

I got my Valentine’s cards together, got a few things done for school, paid off two credit cards, and put together Lancelot’s anniversary package. On February 12th it will be six months. Silly? Perhaps. But I’m excited and so is he.

Garth has decided that he prefers spending time in kitten jail (a.k.a. Mom’s laundry basket).

He jumped in there last night while I was doing laundry. He is a crazy little critter.

I have also been trying to get some idea of what I actually have on hand for yarn. I have no delusions about getting a handle on what I have on hand, that’s just ridiculous, but I’d like to know. So, where does one start with such a project? With the partial balls of sock yarn that need to be wound up, by hand of course. I think it’s safe to say at this point that I could make a very large shawl with partial skeins of yarn. It would be the ugliest shawl in all recorded history, but still. I am very excited to say that I’ve found a fair bit of Koigu in my stash, both full skeins and partial.

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anyway, one of my unwritten goals for the year is to not buy more craft supplies of any kind, but no more yarn in particular. I have stuff squirreled away in three different locations, and that’s just yarn. I have a whole rolling drawer thing that’s almost exclusively jewelry supplies, plus a significant portion of my desk drawer space is taken up with more supplies.

My name is Erin and I am a craft supply hoarder.

Hi, Erin.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, craft supplies. I have to say, I’m glad this whole being in grad school thing is so incredibly interesting or I might be pissed off that doing homework seriously cuts into my knitting time. But now I can drop suggestions on y’all like, “you should totally read Carrie Fisher’s memoir Wishful Drinking. It’s amazeballs.”

No, really, go read it. Now.

 

this might work…

I’m having one of those days where it feels like my brain is not my own. That makes no sense.  Only it does, to me. Let me try…

The weekend was good. We did a little shopping, a little relaxing, a lot of eating. Eating is always good.

So the story here… I got this shirt on Saturday at a funky little store at the mall. The learning management system we use at the university is Canvas. The Canvas mascot is a panda. This panda is boxing and has a black eye. Lancelot is big into various forms of fighting, boxing being one of them. Total win-win.

The fuzzbutts were not impressed. They aren’t impressed with much, to be honest. But last night they both slept with me for awhile which was nice. They are delightfully warm.

You may recall that I had to turn in my first packet for school last week and that it was late. And I was seriously freaked out. Well, turns out I didn’t need to be. I got lots (NINE FUCKING PAGES WORTH!) of great feedback from my mentor. I was in tears by the time I got to the end, but not because it was harsh. He had lots of really constructive and overall positive things to say. It was the last sentence that got me.

Excellent work.

And that, combined (apparently) with the fact that not only is Valentine’s Day next week but so is our six-month anniversary, is why I got this beautiful handmade necklace from Lancelot a bit early.

The stone at the bottom is a raw aquamarine, my birthstone. This has got to be the coolest piece of jewelry I own, hands down. No one has picked out jewelry for me like he has, I always love it and it’s completely “me.” It looks amazing with a new black dress I got on an Old Navy clearance sale for $6. WOOT!

Ok, I guess I should talk about the goals thing…

I did not weigh this morning, there wasn’t quite enough time. I did however make and drink a smoothie, so that’s good. I’m going to try to hit the treadmill when I get home. Wish me luck with that.

I think I mentioned that I had already kind of started with the writing, I’m going to try to spend at least 30 minutes every day on that. I figure that as a minimum should be good.

The craft project goal – right now I do have several shawls on the needles. I’ve been working on a very simple garter stitch shawlette called “Davina” mostly because it’s easy knitting and the yarn feels lovely in my hands. Also, the leaf shawlette thing has directions that are annoying me and the beaded shawl is fussy. But they will all get done. Right now I’m loving Davina and may well get her finished within the next two weeks.

the sound of sucking

I feel the need to try not to vent, contrary to what the title of this post is going to suggest. Here goes…

Hi Mama!!!

My little Garth decided to start the morning by doing acrobatics on top of the kitchen cupboards. He’s a little nutty like that.

That was the original manuscript on the left and the new/revised on the right. I went through the new one last night and marked where I’d added new material and made changes to the old stuff. It took forever. Tonight I’ll start writing my first critical essay. Yikes.

Today’s knit thing… It’s purple, white, and grey and it kind of looks like bunting. It was supposed to be symmetrical but since I can’t be bothered to pay attention to yardage requirements it’s not. But it works. And DAMN do I look good today.

Looking good today is nice because I picked L up from work this morning. We’re having dangerously cold weather and vicious winds so he hasn’t been waiting for the bus but has been getting an Uber home, which is an unnecessary expense. I told him I’m happy to give him rides when it’s like this and all I charge is a few kisses.

This was from Saturday but aren’t we just adorable together?

I’m still trying to figure out how to attack the goals. I’ve added a few more craft projects but that was primarily because I’ve already crossed two things off that list. I’m really kind of excited about all of this. Nothing like the smell of freshly crossed off “to do” items in the morning.

 

holy frozen monday

First, my blog hates me. It’s not posting things when it’s supposed to and some of the pictures are showing up ridiculously huge. I am truly sorry. Let me try to distract you with some interesting content that will hopefully publish immediately and with appropriately sized images. I shall try anyway.

Friday night Lancelot and I went for Thai food. I love Thai food. We tried the fried calamari and it was beyond delish.

Saturday’s knit thing was this funky little raglan sweater I made several years ago from yarn Mom got me for my birthday. It’s (I think) Malabrigo Rios, no clue on the color right now other than it’s a blue-ish green that isn’t a solid color. It’s gorgeous and soft and looks great on me.

We started the day with the famous Creme Brulee waffles that started our relationship, always a good thing. The day was spent doing a little shopping, seeing Aquaman with Mom, and then lunch at Lazlo’s, a local restaurant that has amazing food.

Yesterday I did actually wear a shawl, but I didn’t get a picture. Mom and I thought we had tickets to see a play, and we did, but for last week. So we went to lunch and then did a little shopping. But no picture. It was, however, this shawl…

And actually, I wore that same brooch.

Today I have on a new shirt I got yesterday hoping it would work with Sweet Louise. What do you think?

I think it works.

Anyway, busy week ahead. I need to get my homework taken care of by Thursday, I want to have my goals plan ready to unveil on Friday, there’s a therapy appointment today, TSA Pre-check appointment on Wednesday, appointment with an attorney to draw up my estate documents, and Mom has a major eye appointment on Thursday. Oh, and I think I’m getting a haircut. Seriously considering going all purple, just lighter lilac in the front. Time for a tiny change, yo.

Garth is not impressed.