I spent a good part of this morning in the basement cleaning up/out my desk and surrounding areas. When I moved upstairs (movin’ on up to the west side, fo reals yo) I didn’t take too much time to worry about the space I was leaving behind in the basement, space that had included my bedroom and an office area. But something about the upcoming surgery, and the difficulties lately in finding things, put me in a frame of mind to get down to it. We’re also getting ready for my mom’s new treadmill to be delivered tomorrow so the floor needed some attention. All of this explanation to finally explain why I am laughing until I pee (this time).
Garth has a little stuffed squirrel toy that is his absolute favorite. He carries it around in his mouth even though it’s nearly the size of his head. His favorite thing to do is throw it up in the air and then catch it. I lovingly refer to it as his Squirrelfriend. Tossing her around is even more fun to do on the wide open basement tile floor.
Anyway, I’m feeling a bit like there’s a ticking clock looming over my shoulder. Not in an “end of my life, Grim Reaper” kind of way, more in a “holy fucking hell, I’m having surgery in only slightly more than TWO WEEKS” kind of way. Wait, maybe that is the fame feeling…
I’ve been working diligently to make sure that everything is as ready as possible before S-Day. The amazing thing about having a surgery in December is that you’ve almost certainly met your health insurance deductible. The horrific thing about having a surgery in December is that convalescing time is almost certainly going to wreak havoc with Christmas preparations.
I finally got a call from the oncologist’s office on Friday, but not the call I wanted. The nurse was letting me know that the doc I was scheduled to see was going on a leave of absence and they’re bumping my appointment from Thursday to Friday. Not horrible, but still.
Friday night I did get to go take a blown glass ornament class which was beyond amazing.
I managed to get 12 ornaments successfully made and had a hell of a lot of fun doing it.
Yesterday I finished putting together my fused glass 3D Christmas tree.
And I finished a shawl I’ve been working on that I had planned to wear to a play I was going to head out to see today.
But then this morning was the time change and I got up and started doing stuff and that was great but when it came time to get ready to head out I just couldn’t do it. I was honestly afraid to leave the house. While this isn’t unheard of for me, it sure as hell hasn’t happened in a good long time. Rather than beat myself up I decided to just be gentle and take care of myself today.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see what other appropriate mischief I can get myself into while wearing pjs.
I still haven’t heard anything from the oncologist so Mom has been doing her best to keep me busy. She’s done a great job. And so have the boys. Nothing like little balls of fluff to keep you distracted.
This afternoon I have an appointment with my therapist which is good. I just wish I would hear something soon. As Tom Petty once said, the waiting is the hardest part.
Last night was insanely rough. I haven’t really been feeling good since Friday. I got home from work that afternoon and took a nap. I don’t take naps. Saturday I went to the wedding and thought I was over the ick feeling. Sunday afternoon I took another nap. Yesterday I stayed at work almost all day but I was seriously dragging ass. I got home and honestly thought I was going to die. I had the worst stomach cramps of my entire life, I started running a fever, and I threw up.
I do not make a good sick person, not at all. I typically have a very high tolerance for pain but at a certain point I get reduced to a very whiny child. That’s exactly where I was.
Last night that’s how I felt. Except it was me in that tiny dumpster. No bueno.
This morning after a giant cup of iced coffee and a very warm shower I’m starting to feel better. I’m still cold, so I’m probably still running a fever, but I’m at home in my fuzzy purple bathrobe and I’m planning to chill the rest of the day.
I haven’t been online much lately, and truth be told, I’m enjoying it. I can’t remember when I last logged on to Facebook and I know it’s been awhile since I was on here. I’ve been trying to spend time actually doing things that I enjoy and that aren’t just sucking up my free time.
Writing is an enjoyable activity, but life has been just a bit much lately. The weather is still mostly shit and while the physical therapy is helping, it hurts like hell. So I’ve been mostly just hanging out with Mom and knitting.
The babies have been keeping me distracted.
Sometimes at night if I’m lucky I’ll end up with one of them snuggled in bed with me. Nothing quite as sweet as kitten lovies.
This shawl wasn’t much of a pattern, just a two-row repeat, but the yarn is incredibly pretty. I received a rather last minute invite to a wedding for the coming weekend and this is going to look great with the dress I found to wear.
Tomorrow night I’m going to a fused glass class and I’m really looking forward to it. I haven’t really done anything with glass since March. The project is a Christmas tree that will have LED lights. Super cool.
This is a hard time of year for me. In addition to having Bipolar I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder, so shorter days mean less sun and trouble sleeping. That one is easy to handle, the rest not so much.
Saturday would have been my dad’s 71st birthday if he hadn’t died of a rare form of cancer in 2012. Mom and I kept each other company and did a fair bit of reminiscing, even having the pizza she ate almost exclusively while pregnant with me.
We spent some time fixing the lights on our back deck and I ended up covered in little bug bites. I cannot wait for the first good frost to send those f^%$ers straight back to hell. I can deal with pain no problem, I’m allergic to almost all pain meds with the exception of morphine so I kind of have to be, but itching is a whole other issue.
Today I finally faced a medical issue and found that the pain I’ve had in my arm the last 6 months is a screwed up rotator cuff. Off to physical therapy I go.
Wednesday is going to be rough. Last year I lost both of my 18 year old calico cats on the same day. Sissy let me take her to the vet and be put to sleep peacefully. Evie crawled behind the furnace and had to be rescued and then died in my arms. My phone decided to be thoughtful and show me one of the last photos I took of Evie earlier today. I damn near lost it.
And this crap in Las Vegas… Why in the name of all that is holy can’t people just be nice to each other???
Since the last time I visited with y’all I’ve had a slumber party with the nieces, gone for manicures with the girls and let the older niece pick out my colors, done a little shopping, changed some of the hardware in my bathroom, and taken an alcohol ink class. Oh, and I finished the one shawl.
Quite possibly the most exciting is that since the last time I bothered to weigh myself I’ve lost 3lbs. Small victory, but still.
I’m still working to find my groove and figure out what it is that makes me really happy so that I can make sure to do more of that, whatever “that” is.
But as I sit here with a wild kitten under my desk playing soccer with his ping-pong ball and head-butting me every time he goes by my legs, I have to wonder if maybe hanging out with the fluffy kids might just be what makes me happiest of all when it comes to a leisure time activity.
I’ve been meaning to do this for, well, about a week now. These are some of the photo highlights from my vacation.
It was great to have time to just hang out. I finished 3 wash cloths, a shawl, a pot holder, the jewelry you see here plus some other stuff, whipped up a fresh batch of facial scrub, and a bunch of other creative bits. I needed that to recharge.
It’s been good being back at work this week though. I do miss my routines when I’m gone from the office for too long. Plus I have a ton of friends at work. Maybe next time I won’t go so long between breaks.