finally friday

The end of the week was, for a long time in my world, just the end of the week. I won’t say that it was awful, but it wasn’t amazing. Mom and I would usually spend all day Saturday running around – errands, shopping, whatever other trouble we could find – exhausting ourselves.  On Sunday we might do things around the house, or attempt to recover.

And then…

Lancelot.

How can you not love that smile? Seriously. And that’s little Riley the River Otter on his shoulder. Riley came home with me from the aquarium in the Dubai Mall. It’s not uncommon for L to include one of the “kids” in the pic when he sends me a selfie. He’s adorable and sweet and treats me with respect and I love him.

So now weekends are usually spent doing stuff together like cooking, eating out, going to movies, watching movies on the couch, and lately we’ve been going to the local farmer’s markets with Mom. Good times.

I wouldn’t say that my weekends are necessarily better, they’re different. I always had a good time with my mom, and I definitely have a good time with L. I do look forward to the weekend just a little more, mostly because, well, grown up things. Y’all know what I mean.

Last night I was able to get another necklace pendant put together. I’m planning to wear it next week with a new outfit. I’m still trying to put together new things to wear. I seriously think that part of my Case of the Blahs has to do with my “look.” I want to look like I feel and I’ve been feeling younger lately. I’ll just blame L for that.

At any rate, I’m still doing my best to get my “poo in a pile” as Dr. K would say. I’m trying to do better with the food and I’m making sure to make time for the activities I enjoy. Working my DBT skills like a good kid.

so there i was, wading through a pond full of blueberry jelly and whisky when suddenly…

Evidently what I needed was to get the ol’ creative juices flowing again. And, oddly enough, I’ve done some of that through cooking.

That was actually last week, but we’re counting it. Balsamic marinated chicken with a Balsamic Caprese salad. Super easy and amazingly delicious.

That was just a few nights ago. Salmon, zucchini noodles with caramelized

onions and cherry tomatoes, and quinoa. It was my first attempt at cooking quinoa and only my second time doing the zucchini noodles like that. Oh. My. GAWD.

I’m trying to eat better because I’ve really let that lapse here lately and I’m seriously thinking all of the junk I’ve been putting in my body is taking a toll. Mom is on the bandwagon with me, as is Lancelot. It helps when everyone is trying to get healthy.

And then there’s this…

Miz K and I finally got some pics we’d taken around campus framed and hung in our small consultation room. We’ve only been in this space almost a year, not like we were rushing anything. I took two and she took two. The frames were a donation from Dr. K so there really wasn’t any cost. And the color totally helps. We’ve picked out four more, ones that represent the seasons, that we’re going to hang up later this week.

But wait, there’s more…

That’s one of the shawls I’m working on. The pattern is called Stormy Sky and the yarn is a Knit Picks Stroll Tonal, I can’t remember the name of the color. It’s soft and beautiful and the pattern is super easy. You start with the one corner and work the stripes out from there. This is typically my early morning project.

But wait, one more…

I had ordered some gorgeous lampwork beads from an artist I adore. Last night I decided that I needed an instant gratification project. These two pendants are part of the result of that. I also put together some bits from a bead show L and I went to earlier this year. I’m thinking tonight I might make something else.

progress

I had an appointment with the dermatologist yesterday afternoon so I got home early. While I was working on coaxing my personal laptop to finish loading updates I pulled out some of the treasures I got at the bead show Lancelot and I went to. The above pic is the result. Not bad for less than an hour’s worth of work.

I did manage to get the laptop going again, which was good. And I got more tidying done in the bedroom, namely the bottom drawer of the nightstand where some of the knitting stuff lives. I’m feeling really good about all of this.

That is part of lunch this week. It’s a homemade pasta salad with cheese tortellini, grape tomatoes, chopped bell pepper, shredded carrots, black olives, and homemade Italian salad dressing. I’m also having clementines and blackberries for fruit, a hard boiled egg, and two of the little Babybel cheese rounds. This morning I had a smoothie with plain Greek yogurt, a frozen banana, frozen cherries, and cherry juice. Super yum.

The thing I’m most excited about? I actually got on the treadmill this morning!!! I only walked 15 minutes, but still. I’m going to try to keep doing that every weekday morning.

almost there

I have until tomorrow to get the rest of my homework for the semester done. I’m already mostly checked out but I’ll get it done. There are 15 graduate credits on the line; I refuse to have the loan I took out for this semester be for naught.

On a totally unrelated topic, it seems to me that the only thing worse than dealing with your own anxiety and difficulties are having someone you love dealing with anxiety and difficulties and not really be able to help. It’s a rather horrible feeling, very powerless. I am hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

There’s not much else to tell right now I’m afraid. I’m still trying to stick with the healthy eating stuff but not really doing a great job. Progress is slow, but steady. That counts, right?

plans, plans, and more plans

The food habit changes are going well. Last night I made some sugar free cheesecake flavored pudding and added fresh strawberries to it. Not quite as good as real cheesecake but also not too damn bad. It’s all about balance, right?

In an effort to be transparent, and to keep myself accountable, I am going to report my actual weight. I started this at 263.5lbs. By May 11 I need to be down to 255.5lbs. I can totally do this.

Today is my first  day without the ankle brace. Lancelot and I realized yesterday that it was close enough. It’s incredibly liberating to not have to wear it. I have on proper sandals and they’re staying on my feet properly. And there’s a pair of purple Birkenstock sandals being delivered today that I should be able to wear tomorrow. This makes my little black heart insanely happy.

There’s lots in the works for this weekend, which also makes me happy. Tomorrow night is date night with Lancelot. Saturday we’ll have to do a bit of grocery shopping, I’m going to dye eggs with my nieces, then I’m making a new pasta dish for dinner and we’ll watch Avengers Infinity War, and on Sunday I’m going to have brunch with my sister’s family. I’m hoping to have time to maybe knit a little.

Tonight I’m going to try to make some jewelry with the new bits I got at the bead expo. I’m wearing the shawl pin I got today and it’s perfect.

The trinity knot at the top is gorgeous. It’s going to look amazing with the shawl I started in Ireland, assuming I ever get that finished.

when good is great

So true. My life has not been full of happy lately, and it should have been. I have a tendency to ignore the big ass signs that are all over my world, right until the point where one of them bashes me in the forehead.

Quoth the purple-haired girl, Nevermore…

I’ve started all of the new medication from the dermatologist. So far so good. I’m hoping it helps because quite frankly, I’m beyond over this shit. I am also beyond over wearing this fucking ankle brace. It’s hot, scratchy, and downright uncomfortable. My three weeks is nearly up, praise ceiling cat.

So far the food changes (we will NOT be calling it a diet!) are going smoothly. The one med can’t be taken with food or milk so that’s putting a wee cramp in my style, but it’s workable. For the most part I really am trying to cut out the drinks with empty calories and I’m watching my portions.

Lancelot had a great suggestion today when we were talking. I had asked him if there was anything special he wanted me to cook this weekend and he said it might be a good opportunity to try a new healthy recipe. Such a good idea. I’d gotten a Mediterranean diet cookbook a few months ago but haven’t really looked at it. That’s on the list for tonight now.

oh the things i want to do!

That was me this morning, in the car, waiting for Lancelot to get done with work. Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” was playing on the stereo. That is just so very much me.

So many ideas right now, things I want to do. I was contemplating a possible new project for my bedroom that would let me display my necklaces better. I’ve also been thinking about making jewelry from some of the pieces I picked up over the weekend. And knit projects with the yarn I got in Ireland.

Notice anything missing? I just really don’t feel like doing any writing. And that’s not good. I’ve got one packet left to finish. I need to buckle down.

In other news, I saw the dermatologist yesterday. I’m starting a new topical ointment and three new pills. I’m not thrilled, but she seems optimistic. Oh, and I need to put some serious effort into losing weight. I told her that I could lose 8lbs by the time I see her in four weeks.

I’ve got to do this. I’ve been suffering with this nonsense for too long. And I know I’ll feel better if there’s a little less of me. I know what I look like doesn’t really matter to Lancelot, but I also know that he wants me healthy.

Step one – no more sugared beverages. Anything sweet must be zero calorie. Fruit juice must be 100% juice and not have any added sugar. Just doing this should help. But I’m also going for more raw fruits and veggies, portion control, and less junk. I can do this.

Once my ankle heals a little more I can get back on the treadmill and that should really help. Right now just isn’t the time for that. But I’ll get there. I have to.

this might work…

I’m having one of those days where it feels like my brain is not my own. That makes no sense.  Only it does, to me. Let me try…

The weekend was good. We did a little shopping, a little relaxing, a lot of eating. Eating is always good.

So the story here… I got this shirt on Saturday at a funky little store at the mall. The learning management system we use at the university is Canvas. The Canvas mascot is a panda. This panda is boxing and has a black eye. Lancelot is big into various forms of fighting, boxing being one of them. Total win-win.

The fuzzbutts were not impressed. They aren’t impressed with much, to be honest. But last night they both slept with me for awhile which was nice. They are delightfully warm.

You may recall that I had to turn in my first packet for school last week and that it was late. And I was seriously freaked out. Well, turns out I didn’t need to be. I got lots (NINE FUCKING PAGES WORTH!) of great feedback from my mentor. I was in tears by the time I got to the end, but not because it was harsh. He had lots of really constructive and overall positive things to say. It was the last sentence that got me.

Excellent work.

And that, combined (apparently) with the fact that not only is Valentine’s Day next week but so is our six-month anniversary, is why I got this beautiful handmade necklace from Lancelot a bit early.

The stone at the bottom is a raw aquamarine, my birthstone. This has got to be the coolest piece of jewelry I own, hands down. No one has picked out jewelry for me like he has, I always love it and it’s completely “me.” It looks amazing with a new black dress I got on an Old Navy clearance sale for $6. WOOT!

Ok, I guess I should talk about the goals thing…

I did not weigh this morning, there wasn’t quite enough time. I did however make and drink a smoothie, so that’s good. I’m going to try to hit the treadmill when I get home. Wish me luck with that.

I think I mentioned that I had already kind of started with the writing, I’m going to try to spend at least 30 minutes every day on that. I figure that as a minimum should be good.

The craft project goal – right now I do have several shawls on the needles. I’ve been working on a very simple garter stitch shawlette called “Davina” mostly because it’s easy knitting and the yarn feels lovely in my hands. Also, the leaf shawlette thing has directions that are annoying me and the beaded shawl is fussy. But they will all get done. Right now I’m loving Davina and may well get her finished within the next two weeks.

the best laid plans of mice and me

It’s really not cool to turn in your very FIRST grad school assignment late. It’s not. But my laptop at home completely barfed on me last night and so I didn’t get everything turned in until this morning. My mentor didn’t seem pleased but he also didn’t seem pissed.

In all I would have to say that the last few days have been a little rough. The super cold weather is never good and it just kind of feels like I’ve been struggling. I’m hoping that I’ve gotten past that now and that life will improve.

That was yesterday’s knit thing. It’s a more traditional shawl, my own pattern, using a lovely wool yarn I picked up while on vacation in 2016. I based the pattern on my very favorite washcloth which looks like a flower. No clue at this point what the yarn was but it’s soft and incredibly warm. The design means it drapes around the shoulders and sits in place nicely all by itself.

Today I’m sporting my favorite purple shawl with the big flower pin. And new pink bangs. I rock this shit.

Now on to the goals…

In looking over my list there are several that will be taking place each month. Those are:

  1. Lose 5lbs each month
  2. Write more than 30 new pages for my memoir each month
  3. Craft projects

Just based on the number of projects on my craft list I’ll need to finish at least one per month. This month I’m going to concentrate on finishing one of the shawls I have started, just not sure which one.

I have already been working on adding to my memoir and even though the month technically just started today I’m already up 14 pages, which is almost half of the minimum requirement.

The weight loss thing will be the kicker. I’m trying to modify my eating habits to start with, mainly by adding a healthy smoothie back in to my morning routine. I typically use a single serving carton of low-carb vanilla yogurt, frozen fruit (that I froze myself so I know it’s just fruit), and either 100% fruit juice (no sugar added) or milk. Yesterday I picked up some of the V8 Fusion juice that’s both fruit and veggie juice but just tastes like fruit for even more health benefit.

So I still need to make a decision about the shawl and I need to officially start the health kick thing. I’m thinking Monday.

This weekend I have plans to relax and get stuff done with Lancelot. It’s been amazing giving him rides home from work this week, but I definitely need time for good hugs that aren’t rushed.

i’m not here right now, please leave a message at the tone…

I don’t know how else to describe it but I feel as though I have lost my muchness. This life does not feel like mine and I don’t care for it. Not to say there haven’t been a few bright spots recently.

We’re very cute together when we’re getting along. Friday night we were. Almost magical, really. Everything was delightful, we had great conversation, drank a toast to “us,” and I got a solid night of sleep. This morning there was fighting again because I expressed an expectation that was deemed as being needy. I admit being needy. I also admit to being high maintenance. I’m worth it. Regardless, the second time a fight happens I figure out how to change my behavior.

My nieces came for a slumber party last night and the kitties loved it, but required extra nap time. Oh to be a kitty.

While I no longer have long hair, or really much hair at all, I haven’t lost my touch for fixing hair. That’s the back of E’s head and I did a fine job if I do say so myself.

That is a shit picture of a hat I made for Mom. The yarn is black, dark blue, and purple and it is STILL FUCKING RAINING here so getting a reasonable picture is utterly out of the question. I was kind of pissed, I ran out of yarn before I officially finished the pattern even though I was using the exact right yarn and needles. Whatevs, she likes it and it looks great.

My next endeavor is to finish the purple shawl and then start working on some of the other projects I have started. And this week I’m trying to get back to good eating. I need to lose some weight and pronto. I’m feeling particularly unattractive right now.