has it really been a week?

Wow, so I really have to say I didn’t intend to be gone so long. But it’s been quite the week. I managed to

  • finish the blue shawl,
  • weave in the ends on three others that were done,
  • pick up a “commission” from Mom’s best friend to make a white shawl for her,
  • ordered yarn for four more shawls for myself,
  • make a really cool pair of earrings plus a necklace/earring set,
  • make an obscene amount of progress on a beaded shawl I started over a year ago,
  • give two killer presentations at the conference,
  • clean out my closet, dressers, linen cupboard,
  • deposit all of those unwanted bits at the donation site,
  • install lights under the hutch on my desk at work for a little extra light,
  • saw Hamilton with one of my oldest and dearest friends.

I also found out that the Istanbul trip is on hold. We were originally supposed to leave next Thursday but something isn’t happening the way they thought it would so now there’s talk of maybe rescheduling to late November. I’m really ok with this. I love to travel but not when things aren’t well planned.

Speaking of well planned, I’m trying to convince myself not to start any new projects, except for Mom’s BFF’s shawl, until I finish the two shawls I’m currently working on. The beaded one is maybe halfway done and it’s incredibly funky. The other is unusual in that it’s made of shell motifs that will be sewn together with buttons. It’s really lovely. I’m doing mine with yarn that shifts through shades of green and white. I’ll try to take a picture this weekend; it’s going to be my project while Lancelot is watching the UFC thingy.

what happens at Oktoberfest should have probably just stayed there…

the love it/hate it installment

I’ve been having some difficulties lately, mostly related to health. My skin had been acting up, my sleep got kind of weird, and then last Thursday my back starting giving me trouble. I ended up almost entirely out of commission for a large chunk of the weekend and then yesterday I waved the white flag and went to see the chiropractor. It’s not as horrible as it could be, but it ain’t good. So I don’t have much to say great today, and that means lists.

Hate It

  • putting on my underwear is a fucking process because I can’t really bend
  • I may have frostbit my ass from sitting with ice packs so much lately
  • I had a wee confrontation with the dermatologist, which I hate (but see below)
  • I’m shaking worse than I maybe ever have before
  • Lancelot is having trouble at his job and it makes me so sad to see him miserable
  • there ain’t a fucking thing I can do about L’s job
  • I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in a vat of molasses

Love It

  • the molasses feeling is starting to subside; I got a ton of knitting done yesterday
  • I’m down one pill – I got to get rid of the Metformin
  • the psych doc is also doing a little decrease to try to help with the shaking
  • my back is starting to feel better, I know it will be a process
  • L was over the top good to me this weekend and did an amazing job taking care of me
  • Mom has been awesome about taking care of me, too
  • the puppy and my cats are quite entertaining

torturing myself with cereal

The tremors are kind of awful today. So what am I attempting to feed myself? Cereal with milk. Because I mostly can. And I’m wearing a white shirt, so it’s all good.

Lancelot were out to eat one night, can’t recall when, and I was having so much trouble feeding myself that when we got home I cried all over him. I’m not sure if people realize that there’s more to mental illness than medicine and therapy regimes. The side effects are sometimes the worst.

Granted, this is more of a  nuisance than anything, but still. Not being able to get food to your mouth, or hold and drink out of a cup using just one hand and no straw, are thing most people take for granted. How about being able to sleep without taking 19 pills?

Sorry, I digress. The pity party is hereby over. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

L and I went out with my oldest and dearest friend on Friday night and it was wonderful. I needed the boost that one only gets from someone you’ve known and loved like that for more than 20 years. And she texted me afterwards that L meets with her approval. Yay!

Today is the first day of our semester here. In spite of the fact that I did not feel so swell yesterday I managed to get three lunches made, all of the laundry washed, dried, and put away, and clothes for the coming week laid out. I feel pretty fucking proud of that.

Gratuitous sleepy puppy bum

i’m ready for my close-up mr. deville

I have no idea at this point where that comes from. Some movie I think. I’m exhausted so it’s hard to say. I had already worked 40+ hours as of when I left campus at 8:15 last night. But I looked good.

I actually decided I looked good enough that I got my professional head shot taken by the campus photographer yesterday.

This truly is the busiest week of my year, generally speaking, which makes me a little surprised that I had someone flake out on an appointment this morning. I’m not bitching, I put that “found time” to good use. But still, how rude.

I do love my job, I really do. Lancelot keeps telling me how amazing I am at it. My new coworker told me last night that he also thinks I’m pretty fab at it. Nice kid, he thought I looked like I was 34, not 43.

Anyway, all I ever really hope for from the people I help is that they say “thank you” or some variation. After all, once a month I get a paycheck for doing this. But this week I had two ladies who have become friends as well as faculty bring me gifts.

Absolutely stunning, both of them. Hopefully I can keep them alive.

not dead yet

Hello y’all! Did ya miss me? Yeah, me too.

I have so much I want to write about, pictures to share, but there’s not enough time while I’m awake and kicking.

The time off with Lancelot was awesome. We cooked good food together, went to an art museum, saw the new Spiderman movie, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I also blocked two shawls (that I got pictures of), got some beautiful new jewelry, and managed to get a few projects taken care of – like finishing a professional development course for work.

Right now I’m feeling very fortunate to be in good health, to have a job I love, a roof over my head, and food to eat. I know that there are a whole lot of other folks who are less fortunate, through no fault of their own.

Be kind to one another, and remember that you have no idea what battles your fellow person is fighting.

vacation eve AND evicted (no, not really)

This is my last day of work until July 22nd, ALL PRAISE BE TO THE ALMIGHTY CEILING CAT!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I like my job, love it even sometimes. But I’m ready for a break. Overly ready. And Lancelot is ready for a break from his job, so the time is right.

This isn’t going to be a big trip like when we went to Ireland, in fact we aren’t really going anywhere. And quite often those are the best kind of vacations. We’ll get to bum around and play tourist in our city, sleep late, and spend time with each other. I’m looking forward to it.

But first, I have a list of projects. Well, projects and random things I want to do. Like, the other day when I was out shopping with Mom I got new knobs for my bathroom cabinets. And I have a friend who’s been making beaded bracelets so I’m going to thin out my bead stash and send a package to her. And I’ve got a few shawls that need to be blocked and since Mom is now on her trip I can use her bed to do that.

The plan is to spend tomorrow during the day, while L is catching up on a little sleep, to start tearing into my list. I might actually start tonight depending on how I feel.

So, you’re probably wondering about the “eviction” part of today’s title. If you aren’t, you likely didn’t read the title and then I say “shame on you, you lazy little so-and-so.”

I mentioned that Mom is on a trip. Her bestie, who lives on the west coast, flew in and is going with her. I gave up my bedroom for her to stay in while she’s here. I’ve been informed that I have the most comfortable bed and the most relaxing bedroom ever and I’m going to need to find a new place because she’s taking over.

I may have to frame that and have it hung in my room. It would totally fit with the decor.

the biggest goal ever

I currently weigh 269lbs. I am 5’6″ tall. Depending on who you ask I am considered Morbidly Obese even though I am constantly told, even by medical professionals, that I don’t look that heavy.

But I am. And I’ve decided that being that heavy is almost certainly the root of my discontent these days.

My body hurts, almost constantly. It just plain doesn’t feel right. And I get tired entirely too easily.

These aren’t part of a larger, more sinister, issue. This is me not having taken proper care of my body for far too long. I will own this issue because it’s mine to own.

So what’s my goal? I will lose 100lbs by June 24, 2020.

Before anyone panics, that would still have me at a healthy weight for my height. I am also doing this at the recommendation of my doctors. I have no intention of doing a crash diet, using laxatives or stimulants, starving myself, exercising to the point of excess, or anything that is otherwise not healthy. I plan to be more diligent about my food and drink choices and increase my activity, namely walking.

I can do this. I will do this. Lancelot and Mom are doing it with me, though I don’t think either of them plan to lose as much. We will support each other.

I’m telling you all about this because I need to be held accountable. And maybe you’re looking for someone to inspire you or make you feel better about your progress. Who knows.

I will share good recipes as I come across them, I promise you that. Sometimes that’s the hardest part.

Here we go… 100 or bust.

finally friday

The end of the week was, for a long time in my world, just the end of the week. I won’t say that it was awful, but it wasn’t amazing. Mom and I would usually spend all day Saturday running around – errands, shopping, whatever other trouble we could find – exhausting ourselves.  On Sunday we might do things around the house, or attempt to recover.

And then…

Lancelot.

How can you not love that smile? Seriously. And that’s little Riley the River Otter on his shoulder. Riley came home with me from the aquarium in the Dubai Mall. It’s not uncommon for L to include one of the “kids” in the pic when he sends me a selfie. He’s adorable and sweet and treats me with respect and I love him.

So now weekends are usually spent doing stuff together like cooking, eating out, going to movies, watching movies on the couch, and lately we’ve been going to the local farmer’s markets with Mom. Good times.

I wouldn’t say that my weekends are necessarily better, they’re different. I always had a good time with my mom, and I definitely have a good time with L. I do look forward to the weekend just a little more, mostly because, well, grown up things. Y’all know what I mean.

Last night I was able to get another necklace pendant put together. I’m planning to wear it next week with a new outfit. I’m still trying to put together new things to wear. I seriously think that part of my Case of the Blahs has to do with my “look.” I want to look like I feel and I’ve been feeling younger lately. I’ll just blame L for that.

At any rate, I’m still doing my best to get my “poo in a pile” as Dr. K would say. I’m trying to do better with the food and I’m making sure to make time for the activities I enjoy. Working my DBT skills like a good kid.

so there i was, up to my chin in empty gin bottles and old popcorn bags, wearing a fluffy squirrel for a hat when suddenly…

Oh if only my life were that dull right now.

Life here has been very interesting but not in the “gee that sounds very interesting” sort of way, more in the “gee that shard of glass sticking out of your eyeball really does make it sparkle” kind of way.

There has been some family drama, which isn’t mine to tell but has certainly been taking a toll. There has been a bit of drama with Lancelot, but that’s so wee that I don’t even want to go into it. (and we’re seriously doing oodles better with the whole effective communication thing, it’s fabulous) And then there’s been the weather drama; some parts of these parts got FIVE MOTHERFUCKING INCHES OF HAIL this morning. I shit you not. Tonight isn’t looking much better on that front.

Anyway, I have been knitting. The Garden Shawlette got finished over the weekend and then this morning I cast on another shawl. It’s going to be delightfully easy and that makes it delightful. The shawl I’m leaving at L’s to work on during weekend TV time is also coming along quite nicely. This Thursday, that’s two days from now, right?, anyway, I’m taking a fused glass class that evening that I’m looking forward to. I haven’t done any glass stuff in ages.

Does anyone else get completely screwed up about what day (or year) it is when you have too many days off work? No? Must just be me.

In other news that no one really gives a rip about, I’m going back to having purple hair. The red was mildly interesting but not enough to stay. Oh, and I shaved L’s head Saturday morning. That was interesting and very fabulous. Nothing as relaxing as rubbing a freshly buzz cut head on the man you love.

He has the most beautiful smile in the whole wide universe.

a million things

I’ve been making pretty good progress with getting my life back together. This wasn’t like some of the ridiculously spectacular explosions that I have faced before, but the time between January 1 and now has been, well, I don’t have enough of the right words to describe it.

It was like having to burn all the candles at all the ends.

It was like arguing with a demon in my head who was a toddler and insisted on a bedtime story every five minutes.

It was like watching all of the things I wanted to be doing slip through my fingers like water, and knowing that the water was tears.

But it’s over, and as much as I love what I wrote and as proud as I am of what I managed to do, it needed to be put away for now. And so I did. I cleared out a small drawer in my desk yesterday and put all of the printed materials and my notebooks in it. The memoirs I read are on the bookshelf (except Patty Duke’s shitty book, yuck). Reclaiming my workspace yesterday and getting that area ready for creative things again was crucial for moving forward.

I also went through my room and came up with four bags full to send to the thrift shop. I was ruthless. It felt FABULOUS. And, as usual, I found some things I had completely forgotten about. It feels a lot better in there now as well.

This is maybe a weird thing, but I’m going to share anyway. I’m totally a list maker, y’all know that. But I don’t like writing them on paper if I don’t have to. At work I have a whiteboard mounted on a door and I frequently fill that up. But at home I don’t have that, so I improvise.

Upstairs I keep a dry erase marker in the bathroom and I write my lists on the mirror. Sounds strange, but it works. It’s right there where I look every day and it wipes off super easy. I find that it really helps, and it’s a cheap hack.

Life is slowly returning to the happy place where I really enjoy it. Mom and I did a little shopping last Thursday, Lancelot and I went and had massages Saturday morning and then did a little shopping, we had friends over for dinner, and then brunch on Mother’s Day. And I’ve been knitting again. What more can you ask for?

Apparently you can ask for more treats.