on writing

I don’t remember exactly when I got the idea to write my autobiography, but somewhere along the line I decided that I really just needed to. It’s not like there aren’t some really great books out there written by amazing women who also live with Bipolar Disorder. For some reason I felt like my story deserved to be told, too. So I started.

The latest grad school adventure with be a Master of Fine Arts in Writing. I’m pursuing this in order to be able to see this project through to the end. But it’s not a guarantee I’ll get in, I still have to apply. I have until October 1st to turn in a 30-40 page writing sample.

That kind of scared me, at least until I remembered that somewhere I had started this beast. And then I thought I lost the file. And then the flash drive I thought it was on didn’t have that file but some other (disturbing) crap.

And then, praise dog, I found it. All 74 pages worth.

My task now is to whittle that down to a reasonable length and make sure it all makes sense. Lancelot and K have both offered to proof read for me. Thank dog for friends who don’t judge and can spell.

week three

That was quite the week. On Tuesday I spent the entire day out of commission due to dental work. I do not do well with the dentist. If Novocain is to be involved I require drugs to be sedated. My guy is amazing. And now I have better dental hygiene practices, so WIN.

Then my work bestie left to go have her bambino. This is good, but I already miss her. I have been working furiously to get a kitty baby bunting set done for him. I’m getting closer.

Then my laptop tanked. I’ve spent the better part of the last several days trying to resurrect it. I think (knock on wood) that it’s done. I feel very fortunate that I learned long, long ago never to keep files on my hard drive. Everything is backed up in the cloud so all I’ve really lost was time.

So that’s my bitching, now onto the positive stuff.

Somehow in spite of not resisting the siren song of cookies, and still not getting my chubby little self on the treadmill, I managed to lose 3/4lb. I’ll take it. Mom thinks this is mostly due to not eating out, including not stopping at the coffee shop at all. I’ve really enjoyed eating at home and taking my lunches to work. Honestly.

I’ve also been doing good with the finances. I still have some cash to get through the next 10 days until I get paid again, there’s a little money in the bank, and I haven’t had to use the credit card at all. I’m actually quite proud of myself. I’ve started looking at anything I’m contemplating buying and asking myself whether I need it right now, can it wait, do I need it at all. If you’ll believe this, I made it out of Costco for less than $9. My best score was at the supermarket. I tend to check out the clearance area, just for giggles, but yesterday I found a two-pack of segmented plastic tupperware type dishes for FORTY-NINE CENTS. I could justify spending that little bit, so I did.

Tomorrow is my final appointment with the gynecological oncologist. I’m pretty positive this is just a formality but it will be nice to officially put that chapter of my life behind me. Here’s hoping that this next week is a little less intense than last week was!

the super secret scarf

One of my besties at work has a birthday this month. She’s super stylish and appreciates that I like to make things for my friends. I wanted to do something unique for her and I wanted to try to do it using supplies I had on hand. This is the result.

I used a single ball of Lion Brand’s Mandala in the Chimera colorway and a size J hook. I started by making the decision to crochet this instead of knitting it because I can crochet a whole lot faster. I started the project on January 6th and finished on January 10th. This is much more of a recipe than a pattern.

I made a chain nice a long and then gave it a half twist when I joined it into a circle. The whole thing is one piece with no seams. The only slightly join-y bit is right here where the first pass meets itself.

This is where you kind of have to take my word for it that this will work. Chain 3, double crochet in the same space, and then double crochet all the way around. (how to explain going along the bottom of the chain?) When you reach the beginning, join with a slip stitch to the top of your first double crochet. From that point on there is no turning of the work, you’ll continue to double crochet in one straight line that just happens to be very much like a Mobius strip.

Because there’s no turning the colors end up striping on both sides of the scarf which I think is a nice touch.

At any rate, she loves it. She actually put it on immediately and wore it all day. ❤

remember that one time when I thought I had a virus but really my body was fighting off some kind of wicked cyst thing? yeah, good times

I really should have listened to my mom last Monday and gone to the ER when I was writhing around praying for death. I’d have been a whole week closer to having all of this nonsense behind me. Let me explain.

I don’t do being sick well, we’ve established that. But I recognize patterns and I learn. So when I started getting that awful stomach cramp thing again at 5:30 Sunday morning, I paid attention. By 8am it was obvious that it was not getting better and so I was getting to the ER.

Blood pressure through the roof, duh. Temp up a little, duh. Serious pain when touched, duh.

The rotten ass ER doc was just positive I had a kidney infection and just needed an antibiotic, but they’d do a CT scan just in case. That lead to an ultrasound because there was a “shadow” on the scan. Oh, did I mention the Dilaudid? That’s some nice stuff right there.

Anyway, nothing wrong with my kidneys but how about an ovarian cyst as a consolation prize? WHAT?!

Today I’ve gone to two other doctors, my regular and a GYN and now I know that the cyst is 6.5cm, looks sketchy so it could be cancerous, my liver looks kind of weird too, and regardless of what actually is going on with the ovary that little sucker needs to come out.

My next stop will be with a gynecological oncologist. I’m actually waiting for that call right now.

So yeah, nothing but excitement around these parts right now.

let me recap for you

I’ve been meaning to do this for, well, about a week now. These are some of the photo highlights from my vacation.

“helping”
finished project
Garth, aka “white toes”
crazy yummy
Eric the Red
I don’t do “normal”
Peacock jewelry for Wendy
Pretty new necklace for me

It was great to have time to just hang out. I finished 3 wash cloths, a shawl, a pot holder, the jewelry you see here plus some other stuff, whipped up a fresh batch of facial scrub, and a bunch of other creative bits. I needed that to recharge.

It’s been good being back at work this week though. I do miss my routines when I’m gone from the office for too long. Plus I have a ton of friends at work. Maybe next time I won’t go so long between breaks.

the only thing that stays the same is change

I should be finishing packing, or getting the last few things done for work, or cleaning something, or…

But I’m procrastinating. This isn’t usually something I do, honestly. I’m much more of a “get this crap done NOW” kind of girl. No sense in putting off until later what I can do right this very minute. But sometimes I get in a funk, and sometimes change is at the heart of it all.

Backstory – I’ve been living in the very lovely basement of the home I grew up in for a good number of years now. I love it. It’s spacious, I have a 1/2 bath here, my own full-sized fridge. It’s like a studio apartment with an attached house. But my mom and I are trying to get healthier and part of that is having a place to exercise. The basement is the most logical place for that so I’m moving upstairs.

I’m actually looking forward to it. A “normal” bedroom again sounds like fun. And the walls are pink (as is the carpet) and that sounds like fun, too. Plus, if something happens and either of us gets sick in the night it’s safer.

But it’s a change. I really do try to see any change as an opportunity for growth and good stuff. All of this will be done before life at work explodes again with the start of the Fall semester. I’ve booked movers to come take care of the furniture for us since there is no way in hell that the two of us can wrestle this stuff around.

I’m very much looking forward to going to this conference for work, but that’s some change there, too. I’ll be out of my normal element, but I’ll have a good chunk of my tribe there with me, and I know that will help.

And my therapist’s office just called saying they have a cancellation for this morning. Praise the squirrels.

Now I just need to decide if I’m going to take one of my little stuffed dragons with me or a squirrel…

on traveling

I would greatly prefer it if the fun and adventures would show up on my door step, encompass a single amazing day, and then leave me to sleep in my own bed with my own pillow and my own kitties. But alas, that just ain’t the way it works.

I’m not sure if it’s actual a by-product of any of my mentalness or just a personality thing but I’ve never really liked being away from home, even as a kid. My family typically did road trips, partially because that’s just how people took vacations back in those days. I’d rather road trip than fly any day, but alas, that just ain’t always the way it works.

This time next week I’ll be enjoying (I hope) the sights and sounds of Keystone, CO and the InstructureCon 2017 conference. Many of my good pals from work will be there and there are 4 of us flying out together, so that will help.

But as someone who lives with bipolar disorder, routines and sameness are critical to maintaining my mental health. I need to know that certain things will be done in certain ways and at certain times on a very regular basis. If not, well, then chaos takes over. For short spans of time though I can pull of pretending I am quote-NORMAL-endquote.

I will take the necessary bottles of medication, the essential oils to help with anxiety, things to distract my hands on the short plane trip, and I will do what I often do in situations like this…

I will get by with a little help from the amazing people I work with, many of whom I am privileged to call friends.