The appointment with the eye doctor is this afternoon. Did I mention that they’re talking about laser surgery now? Maybe? Well, whatever. I’m not responding well to the eye drops for my glaucoma anymore and so now they’re telling me they might be able to permanently fix it with some kind of laser stuff.
On the one hand, this is super cool. Like some sort of sci-fi, maybe I’ll have super powers, kind of cool.
On the other hand, why did you motherfuckers not tell me that this was an option way back when we started treating this bullshit?
At any rate, today is the day I finally get to see if I’m a candidate for this and then what happens next. Since the appointment isn’t until later this afternoon, and Lancelot will be sleeping, my mom has offered to go with me. I find it particularly helpful to have another person with me for appointments like this just because there tends to be so much information and my little brain-sponge will only absorb so much at a time.
Plus, after the appointment we’re going to a local nursery and I’m going to get myself a house plant or twenty.
I was thinking this morning about my goals for the year, particularly the one about finishing my existing knitting projects, and that got me to wondering what all have I managed to finish this year…
a blue hat for R (that was too big)
the cabled scarf for N
a green stripey shawl
the beaded shrug
Sadly there aren’t photos of all of these, and the last three are in need of finishing. Niji isn’t on the list because it still needs some construction work. But I think that’s pretty good. As of right now I have on the needles:
a replacement blue hat for R
fingerless mitts for my friend K
the Sunset shawl
Ilo (a shawl)
I have yarn and patterns for LOTS more projects but for now that’s all. And I think that’s plenty. I’m very excited that this Friday the local knitting/crocheting group is getting together in one of the parks and I’ll get to join them.
Is that not absolutely stunning? It’s moonstone and sterling silver, and yes, I actually did parts of the construction. It was beyond wonderful to spend time with my friend Saturday morning and see first-hand what goes into making this kind of jewelry. Not only was it informative as hell, but getting to be with another human who I haven’t seen in absolute ages was totally wonderful. So I now know a little bit more about the process of silversmithing, I have an even deeper appreciation for the amount of work that goes into a piece like this, and I have a one of a kind wearable work of art that coordinates with the other beautiful moonstones pieces I have from her.
I also got to see my friend N and deliver his holiday gift, only four months late. He didn’t care. (he got that cabled scarf) We also went for lunch which was a lovely little bonus.
I still don’t feel like I’m totally back on track, but I’m trying. I have my clothes for the week organized, I spent time in the kitchen yesterday doing some food prep, I made cookies (healthy ones), and the laundry is essentially caught up. So yay!
I do have some fun stuff to look forward to this week. I’m going to do a session at the glass studio and try to make a little something for myself, just as another creative outlet. And on Saturday I’m going with Mom for mani/pedi time. My feet are very excited.
Keep doing what you can to help keep yourselves and your loved ones safe. L gets his second shot at the end of the month and we are excited as hell. WOOT!
I need to start with a total aside here. Why the fuck is the word “awkward” spelled so damn, well, awkward? I mean honestly, am I the only person who has to completely stop typing and force my fingers to punch those letters in that order by using every iota of force I can muster? No? Ok, moving on.
I’m out of it. Still. And I don’t like this. I feel like nothing has been “right” since last weekend and this morning – JUST THIS DAMN MORNING – was able to put my finger on it.
I didn’t feel good because of the shot so I was off work on Monday. On Tuesday there was a chunk taken out of my day to take Lancelot to get his first shot. On Wednesday I went with him for a doc appointment (nothing serious but the kind of thing that I kinda just needed to be there for). Yesterday we had to see our lawyer again to sign papers (again, nothing serious or bad just one of those “adult human” things). Then this morning I got all three of the kids in my office for awhile so we could have a new ceiling fan installed.
Needless to say, I need a rest. And a drink. But L works overtime again this weekend. So I’ll have to push through a little more before my life goes back to where it normally is. There’s the rub – nothing about this week, not one fucking thing, has been anywhere near normal and my poor little brain cells cannot cope.
As someone who has been living with a mental illness for a LOOOOOONG time, and been in remission for some time, I’ve figured out how to make life work. But a big ol’ piece of that is having routines and being able to rely on those, particularly when life gets wonky.
No routines right now = brains feel yuck = I am a grump = NO DAMN BUENO
On the plus side, tomorrow morning I’m going to visit a friend who does silversmithing and she’s going to show me/help me make a bracelet. That will be super fun. Also, the vest is still coming along nicely. I had a more experience friend confirm that my plan should work. This pleases me. I was also able to acquire a lovely bit of leather hardware stuff to serve as a closure. More on that when it arrives.
I’ve tried some new recipes that were mostly successful
we’re having a small group of friends over tomorrow night to celebrate a late St. Patrick’s, early birthday, and the start of our vacation
I have now lost 24lbs
I’m quite excited about how things are going with the weight loss. I have been trying to make sure that I not only get my steps in but I also pay attention to my calories and eat a good variety of food, including healthy fats, and that I’m getting plenty of water. It’s a process, to be sure, but there are definitely pieces of this that are just second nature now. And that, probably more than anything else, makes me ridiculously happy.
Well, also, my pants are starting to be way too baggy. That makes me pretty fucking happy too.
Tomorrow morning I’m going with Mom to get a manicure, something I haven’t done since right before Lancelot and I got married last August. I certainly don’t feel like having the one shot is going to magically make me bullet-proof, but it gives me hope. I do feel like there are a few more things I can do, still carefully, and that I don’t need to worry quite constantly or quite as much. It will still be many months, if not until next year, before I feel safe to travel anywhere other than by driving our car. I’m just not ready for planes yet.
I am ready for restaurants, and that’s pretty exciting. We’ve done a lot of take out in the last year, generally just once a week but still. There’s just something about actually going in somewhere and enjoying a good meal. I’m even going to get spiffed up. For my outing on Sunday with my folks I have a black dress that I’ve never worn that actually fits very nicely now.
We both have jobs and we both have health insurance that’s worth having
We’re healthy, and my mom and step-dad are healthy
We’re lucky enough to have a very nice, comfortable home to live in
We have three ridiculous fur-babies in our lives
My job allows me to work from home right now which is providing a much needed relief from excess anxiety and helping to keep me safe from contracting COVID-19
I have some truly amazing friends that, even though I don’t get to see them in person, will text or do video calls and they’re helping to keep me sane
That Lancelot is so stinkin’ patient with my shenanigans
And while I don’t know that anyone is ever really prepared to live through such a prolonged and emotionally draining event like a pandemic, I feel as though mentally I’m the strongest I’ve ever been and in the best position possible to come out the other side of this a better human because of it
I know it’s hard right now, and stuff does kinda suck, but I would like to encourage all of you reading this, whenever you read it, to try to think of at least one thing you’re thankful for. If you can think of more, that’s awesome. I try to do this little exercise every day, usually on Facebook, and it helps. There’s something about intentionality and “priming” yourself to be in a more optimistic mindset that seems to help. (your mileage may vary, but come on, it’s worth a try, yes?)