so there I was, up to my false eyelashes in chicken feathers and ginger ale bottles

It’s been hot here lately. HOT. Sadly that means my energy levels are super low. I’m having one hell of a time getting motivated to start walking again, even inside on the treadmill with both fans going. And I know I need to get some activity in.

But…

Somehow, and I’m really not sure how, I’ve lost 2 1/2lbs since last Friday. And this baffles me because Lancelot and I didn’t exactly eat super healthy food over the weekend. We mostly ate crap to be honest.

Anyway, I’m excited, super excited, and I’m hoping this helps jump start my walking and activity. So YAY!

In other news, I finally got my new glasses.

They almost perfectly match my hair, they have tons of bling, and the clip on sunglasses are amazing.

With the exception of the weather this week is shaping up well. It’s a short week for me, only three days, and then I have a delightful five day weekend. And then the following week is only four days and then I’m off work until July 22nd. We aren’t going anywhere exotic this time, just taking time off work to relax and enjoy each other’s company. I can’t wait.

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things i’ve been learning

  • eating a bowl of ice cream isn’t going to make the world end
  • “traditional” meal prep isn’t necessarily right for me – I get bored too easily
  • variety is crucial; this includes a little junk every now and then
  • my mental health is every bit as important as my physical health; I can’t neglect one in favor of the other
  • this is a process
  • Lancelot thinks I’m beautiful no matter what
  • I lost 1lb since Monday even with eating the ice cream last night

The lighting in my office is horrid. But yes, I’m wearing tie-dye. This is a high-low skirt and kimono style vest over a white tank. I got the combo at the art festival a few weeks ago. I made the jewelry. I think this may be my new favorite outfit.

Mom and I are trying to eat healthy dinners together and I’m trying to have healthy lunches but I really have realized that having the exact same lunch every day is not for me. There will be similar pieces, such as fresh clementines and hard boiled eggs, but I’m going to try for something a little different. If I have a salad I’ll try to put different things on it, you know, stuff like that.

I know for damn sure that if I get bored with the food I’ll drop this damn “healthy eating” thing like a hot rock.

Yes, it’s a pain in the ass to make a lunch every night, but the pay off will be worth it.

One down, 99 to go…

starting small

Stress is a trigger for a lot of people when it comes to unhealthy eating habits. Through many years of therapy I’ve mostly gotten away from binge eating when stressed, though not entirely. I’m working on it.

I’m not following a “diet” right now because, quite frankly, I don’t believe in them. I didn’t gain this weight overnight, I’m not going to lose it overnight. What I need to do is learn, and PRACTICE, healthier eating habits that will stick with me for life.

So much easier said than done.

There are a few things I’ve been trying to do for some time now that I hope will help:

  • avoiding drinks that have sugar added
  • drink only 100% fruit juice and that’s usually just what I need for a smoothie
  • I keep healthy snacks in my cupboard at work so I’m seldom tempted to go get junk food
  • the snacks I keep at work are usually of the “100 calorie” or single serving variety
  • eat small bits throughout the day, loaded with protein typically, so that I don’t ever get super hungry

I also know that taking care of my mental health is crucial right now. I should have walked this morning but I was up for it. Instead I spent time taking care of some tasks I’d been putting off around the house. I feel better for having done that.

The key for me is to just keep trying, keep moving forward, keep making progress. It’s all about one step at a time.

the biggest goal ever

I currently weigh 269lbs. I am 5’6″ tall. Depending on who you ask I am considered Morbidly Obese even though I am constantly told, even by medical professionals, that I don’t look that heavy.

But I am. And I’ve decided that being that heavy is almost certainly the root of my discontent these days.

My body hurts, almost constantly. It just plain doesn’t feel right. And I get tired entirely too easily.

These aren’t part of a larger, more sinister, issue. This is me not having taken proper care of my body for far too long. I will own this issue because it’s mine to own.

So what’s my goal? I will lose 100lbs by June 24, 2020.

Before anyone panics, that would still have me at a healthy weight for my height. I am also doing this at the recommendation of my doctors. I have no intention of doing a crash diet, using laxatives or stimulants, starving myself, exercising to the point of excess, or anything that is otherwise not healthy. I plan to be more diligent about my food and drink choices and increase my activity, namely walking.

I can do this. I will do this. Lancelot and Mom are doing it with me, though I don’t think either of them plan to lose as much. We will support each other.

I’m telling you all about this because I need to be held accountable. And maybe you’re looking for someone to inspire you or make you feel better about your progress. Who knows.

I will share good recipes as I come across them, I promise you that. Sometimes that’s the hardest part.

Here we go… 100 or bust.

finally friday

The end of the week was, for a long time in my world, just the end of the week. I won’t say that it was awful, but it wasn’t amazing. Mom and I would usually spend all day Saturday running around – errands, shopping, whatever other trouble we could find – exhausting ourselves.  On Sunday we might do things around the house, or attempt to recover.

And then…

Lancelot.

How can you not love that smile? Seriously. And that’s little Riley the River Otter on his shoulder. Riley came home with me from the aquarium in the Dubai Mall. It’s not uncommon for L to include one of the “kids” in the pic when he sends me a selfie. He’s adorable and sweet and treats me with respect and I love him.

So now weekends are usually spent doing stuff together like cooking, eating out, going to movies, watching movies on the couch, and lately we’ve been going to the local farmer’s markets with Mom. Good times.

I wouldn’t say that my weekends are necessarily better, they’re different. I always had a good time with my mom, and I definitely have a good time with L. I do look forward to the weekend just a little more, mostly because, well, grown up things. Y’all know what I mean.

Last night I was able to get another necklace pendant put together. I’m planning to wear it next week with a new outfit. I’m still trying to put together new things to wear. I seriously think that part of my Case of the Blahs has to do with my “look.” I want to look like I feel and I’ve been feeling younger lately. I’ll just blame L for that.

At any rate, I’m still doing my best to get my “poo in a pile” as Dr. K would say. I’m trying to do better with the food and I’m making sure to make time for the activities I enjoy. Working my DBT skills like a good kid.

my body sounds like a bowl of rice krispies cereal, is that a good thing?

It’s no secret that getting older comes with some icky shit, like your body popping and sputtering at odd moments. Right now my back is reminding me that being on my feet, like I was last night at the glass studio, is going to result in being punished. I tried to mitigate it by wearing sandals that had a lot of cushion and support but evidently it wasn’t good enough.

Oh well, that’s why Ceiling Cat gave us Tylenol.

But hey, I am going to be rewarded for my pain. May I present to you the first phase of the Beautiful Purple Flower Lantern that also includes the Biggest Pain in the ASS Blue Butterfly…

The sample piece at the studio was more elaborate but it wasn’t really my style. I was going for a very clean, almost Japanese, kind of aesthetic. And then my dumbass decided I wanted to do a butterfly. Not sure what the fuck I was thinking.

I had wanted to share a picture of the new blue shawl I started but I left it in the car, so that ain’t gonna happen today. Let me, instead, show you the new hair…

The front bit is kind of coral and blonde and the rest is my standard dark purple. It feels much more “me” if that makes sense. And I’m totally grooving on the super short cut still. This takes zero maintenance, and for whatever reason that front bit insists on having the wave. But that’s perfectly fine. My dad’s hair had natural wave to it, so I’m wearing it proudly.

so there i was, up to my chin in empty gin bottles and old popcorn bags, wearing a fluffy squirrel for a hat when suddenly…

Oh if only my life were that dull right now.

Life here has been very interesting but not in the “gee that sounds very interesting” sort of way, more in the “gee that shard of glass sticking out of your eyeball really does make it sparkle” kind of way.

There has been some family drama, which isn’t mine to tell but has certainly been taking a toll. There has been a bit of drama with Lancelot, but that’s so wee that I don’t even want to go into it. (and we’re seriously doing oodles better with the whole effective communication thing, it’s fabulous) And then there’s been the weather drama; some parts of these parts got FIVE MOTHERFUCKING INCHES OF HAIL this morning. I shit you not. Tonight isn’t looking much better on that front.

Anyway, I have been knitting. The Garden Shawlette got finished over the weekend and then this morning I cast on another shawl. It’s going to be delightfully easy and that makes it delightful. The shawl I’m leaving at L’s to work on during weekend TV time is also coming along quite nicely. This Thursday, that’s two days from now, right?, anyway, I’m taking a fused glass class that evening that I’m looking forward to. I haven’t done any glass stuff in ages.

Does anyone else get completely screwed up about what day (or year) it is when you have too many days off work? No? Must just be me.

In other news that no one really gives a rip about, I’m going back to having purple hair. The red was mildly interesting but not enough to stay. Oh, and I shaved L’s head Saturday morning. That was interesting and very fabulous. Nothing as relaxing as rubbing a freshly buzz cut head on the man you love.

He has the most beautiful smile in the whole wide universe.