pictures he drew on my heart

I have an album in my Google Photos for pictures of Lancelot. Some are selfies he took and sent to me, one is the original profile picture that caught my eye, some are pictures of us together. Each is precious.

The profile picture, with that mischievous grin and those beautiful blue eyes. I knew I had to meet him based solely on that picture and what he’d written.

The picture he took the night of our first fight, when I was in Branson with my mom. I thought I had lost him and asked him to send me that picture so I knew I hadn’t. His smile was just as genuine.

Our first movie together, the day I left for Dehli, the first concert we saw together, our first Christmas, the trip to Dublin together, the picture he sent me when I landed in Dubai that nearly made me cry (he looked so tired but he wanted to talk to me), the day he let me cut his hair, the picture of our hands with our rings…

All of those memories, preserved, etched in pixels on the screen and on my heart.

My memory is horrid, absolute crap. So when I feel sad or miss him I open the album and look at all of my treasures and I remember the happy that I felt then. He’s my knight in a black t-shirt and I love him with all my heart.

productive at last, thank ceiling cat almighty, i was productive at last!

That was quite the whirlwind of a long weekend for me, but in a good way. Lancelot and I got the grocery shopping done, I made a simple but yummy dinner Friday night, and then we snuggled while watching the Food Network. So romantic. ❤

On Saturday we went to my office and picked up the orchid, miniature rose, and spider plants to take back to the house. Those all have light requirements that can’t be satisfied here easily. We also were on call for puppy-sitting.

He looks miserable, doesn’t he? Pippi loves him, almost as much as I do I suspect. And he loves playing with all the critters. This was his part of helping while I was rearranging plants.

Eric is still not at all interested in playing with Pippi, but he’s getting to the point of tolerating her. Most of the time anyway. Pippi and Garth will roll around together, bite ears, and when Garth has had enough he rolls onto his back and “bunny kicks” her under the chin.

In addition to my greenhouse duties, I was able to get my laundry done, including putting fresh sheets on my bed, I made both Jell-o and pudding for lunches, and other miscellaneous stuff that I’d neglected. Honestly, I’m considering bringing L to the house with me on either Friday night or Saturday morning for a bit like this more often. He loves the critter time and I love being so productive while having him there for drive-by kisses.

My nieces came over on Sunday to hang out for a bit and I decided to try making jewelry while they were there. This was the result – four pairs of earrings, a necklace/earring set, a pendant, and a brooch made of buttons. I’m pretty pleased. Being creative, making things, is part of self-care for me. I even knit this weekend and I have to say, it felt amazing.

#truth

torturing myself with cereal

The tremors are kind of awful today. So what am I attempting to feed myself? Cereal with milk. Because I mostly can. And I’m wearing a white shirt, so it’s all good.

Lancelot were out to eat one night, can’t recall when, and I was having so much trouble feeding myself that when we got home I cried all over him. I’m not sure if people realize that there’s more to mental illness than medicine and therapy regimes. The side effects are sometimes the worst.

Granted, this is more of a  nuisance than anything, but still. Not being able to get food to your mouth, or hold and drink out of a cup using just one hand and no straw, are thing most people take for granted. How about being able to sleep without taking 19 pills?

Sorry, I digress. The pity party is hereby over. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

L and I went out with my oldest and dearest friend on Friday night and it was wonderful. I needed the boost that one only gets from someone you’ve known and loved like that for more than 20 years. And she texted me afterwards that L meets with her approval. Yay!

Today is the first day of our semester here. In spite of the fact that I did not feel so swell yesterday I managed to get three lunches made, all of the laundry washed, dried, and put away, and clothes for the coming week laid out. I feel pretty fucking proud of that.

Gratuitous sleepy puppy bum

catching up

So much to tell… Many interesting things have happened since last I wrote. Some have been awesome, some have been awful. Let’s start by getting the awful out of the way, shall we?

The dermatologist has put me on a new med to try and help with my cysts. Actually, what it’s supposed to do is help me lose weight. And that means my chubby butt is back on the damn diet. The good part of this is that I’m really trying again. Hopefully this time it sticks.

The other slightly awful bit is that it’s August, and August at a university is busy as fucking hell. It is what it is.

The good bit about August is that Lancelot’s birthday was earlier this week, Mom’s birthday is in a few weeks, and her new puppy will be picked up next Monday. That also happens to be the one year anniversary of my first date with L. Once we had that date we never looked back. No going out with anyone else since then. Don’t we make a cute couple?

That smile gets me every time.

Part of why I haven’t written deals with the most recent shootings. No, I was not involved directly. No, I’m not an expert on any of this. But yes, I feel marginalized because of the statements the President has made regarding better screening for people who have mental illnesses wanting to purchase guns and how “those people” might have to be involuntarily committed.

This is how genocide starts.

It’s happening at the southern border with the detention camps and with the ICE raids. His rhetoric is to blame for many of the shootings; people who have become emboldened by his hate speech against minorities.

I am a minority if you use mental illness as a way in which I am different than other parts of the population.

I fully agree that we need easier access to higher quality mental health care, 100%. But don’t you dare fucking think that you should have the right to lock me up against my will, denying me of my constitutional rights, just because you’re uneducated and refuse to listen to reason.

On a lighter note, here is Eric the Red taking a brief rest from playing with his squirrel toy…

i love you spoon

I’ve decided I’m just going to give up on forks for awhile. Spoons are where it’s at.

I do have a bit more energy now that I’ve stopped the blood pressure thing. Honestly, if I could remember how to spell it I’d tell you what it is. Anyway, I was able to get two loads of laundry done last night after work and that was after going and getting my hair cut and colored. So I’m feeling better about being able to function.

Functioning is good, particularly this weekend. My dearest Lancelot has a birthday on Monday so I’m planning to spoil him rotten this weekend. Some home cooked meals, a movie, a concert, and a dinner out are all on the lineup so far. I started the shenanigans yesterday with a silly little stuffed monkey. Today he got a little package of chocolates. I love spoiling that man.

Tomorrow is dermatologist day. Not sure what to think about this. I’ve been taking Humira for ages now and it doesn’t seem to be helping much anymore. I take two pills on top of that and I’m not seeing much come from them either. I had the same nonsense on my legs and they removed it with surgery but with where it’s at now that just isn’t an option.

Having chronic nonsense is frustrating. The mental health stuff, the skin stuff, the weirdo stomach issues that act up sometimes… It’s just more than I want to deal with, ya know?

Thank you Cowboy Sam Elliot, I think I will.

not dead yet

Hello y’all! Did ya miss me? Yeah, me too.

I have so much I want to write about, pictures to share, but there’s not enough time while I’m awake and kicking.

The time off with Lancelot was awesome. We cooked good food together, went to an art museum, saw the new Spiderman movie, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I also blocked two shawls (that I got pictures of), got some beautiful new jewelry, and managed to get a few projects taken care of – like finishing a professional development course for work.

Right now I’m feeling very fortunate to be in good health, to have a job I love, a roof over my head, and food to eat. I know that there are a whole lot of other folks who are less fortunate, through no fault of their own.

Be kind to one another, and remember that you have no idea what battles your fellow person is fighting.

so there I was, up to my false eyelashes in chicken feathers and ginger ale bottles

It’s been hot here lately. HOT. Sadly that means my energy levels are super low. I’m having one hell of a time getting motivated to start walking again, even inside on the treadmill with both fans going. And I know I need to get some activity in.

But…

Somehow, and I’m really not sure how, I’ve lost 2 1/2lbs since last Friday. And this baffles me because Lancelot and I didn’t exactly eat super healthy food over the weekend. We mostly ate crap to be honest.

Anyway, I’m excited, super excited, and I’m hoping this helps jump start my walking and activity. So YAY!

In other news, I finally got my new glasses.

They almost perfectly match my hair, they have tons of bling, and the clip on sunglasses are amazing.

With the exception of the weather this week is shaping up well. It’s a short week for me, only three days, and then I have a delightful five day weekend. And then the following week is only four days and then I’m off work until July 22nd. We aren’t going anywhere exotic this time, just taking time off work to relax and enjoy each other’s company. I can’t wait.

so much to do, so little time to do it

That’s the finished lantern. Mom likes it so much that she’s trying to get me to make another.

My psych doc has added another med. It’s that tiny little coral colored one on the far left. It starts with a “p” but I can’t remember the exact name. The purpose is to help with the tremors. So far so good, though I haven’t hit a large enough dose to completely get rid of them. I am at a point where I can read my own writing more easily. That is EIGHTEEN pills and that’s just what I take at night. Oy.

Me and the most handsome man in the world had dinner with Mom on Friday night at my new favorite Tex-Mex restaurant. Good food and great company, how could you go wrong?

On Saturday we went to the summer art festival and I got some great new jewelry and some wearable art pieces. I can’t wait to wear them this week. We managed to get through it before the heat got too bad.

I do have a ton to do yet. Busy weekends don’t usually leave much time for getting productive things done. And I’m taking a class for work which also doesn’t help. But so far today at work I’ve been kicking ass and taking names, and that’s always good.

 

so there i was, up to my chin in empty gin bottles and old popcorn bags, wearing a fluffy squirrel for a hat when suddenly…

Oh if only my life were that dull right now.

Life here has been very interesting but not in the “gee that sounds very interesting” sort of way, more in the “gee that shard of glass sticking out of your eyeball really does make it sparkle” kind of way.

There has been some family drama, which isn’t mine to tell but has certainly been taking a toll. There has been a bit of drama with Lancelot, but that’s so wee that I don’t even want to go into it. (and we’re seriously doing oodles better with the whole effective communication thing, it’s fabulous) And then there’s been the weather drama; some parts of these parts got FIVE MOTHERFUCKING INCHES OF HAIL this morning. I shit you not. Tonight isn’t looking much better on that front.

Anyway, I have been knitting. The Garden Shawlette got finished over the weekend and then this morning I cast on another shawl. It’s going to be delightfully easy and that makes it delightful. The shawl I’m leaving at L’s to work on during weekend TV time is also coming along quite nicely. This Thursday, that’s two days from now, right?, anyway, I’m taking a fused glass class that evening that I’m looking forward to. I haven’t done any glass stuff in ages.

Does anyone else get completely screwed up about what day (or year) it is when you have too many days off work? No? Must just be me.

In other news that no one really gives a rip about, I’m going back to having purple hair. The red was mildly interesting but not enough to stay. Oh, and I shaved L’s head Saturday morning. That was interesting and very fabulous. Nothing as relaxing as rubbing a freshly buzz cut head on the man you love.

He has the most beautiful smile in the whole wide universe.