there i was, cornered in a cardboard shoe box, no popcorn left, trying my best to look like that stacked dude in To Wong Foo…

Why yes, I have gone over the edge, thanks for asking!

I really should be working right now, but I figure I deserve a break for a few minutes. I’ve been making good progress here lately which is good. I even managed to get some laundry done last night, so total bonus. Lancelot and I will be puppy-sitting tomorrow afternoon so I’m going to try to get some stuff done at the house while he keeps an eye on Pippi.

She really is an adorable little shit. So ornery. I found Garth’s favorite toy, Rhonda the Raccoon (also known as his fuck friend) yesterday in my laundry basket. Pippi  latched onto her immediately. Last night when we went to bed I got all the animals and Garth brought Rhonda to bed. The second he was done with her Pippi swiped her. Kids. Eric stayed sprawled out behind me in his usual night time spot.

I woke up this morning to a message from L saying that he’d had a song stuck in his head that reminded him of me. I listened and nearly cried; it’s very sweet. The original was from the Beatles “Help!” album released in August 1965. The video below is Paul McCartney with Wings from a tour they did in 1976.

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catching up

So much to tell… Many interesting things have happened since last I wrote. Some have been awesome, some have been awful. Let’s start by getting the awful out of the way, shall we?

The dermatologist has put me on a new med to try and help with my cysts. Actually, what it’s supposed to do is help me lose weight. And that means my chubby butt is back on the damn diet. The good part of this is that I’m really trying again. Hopefully this time it sticks.

The other slightly awful bit is that it’s August, and August at a university is busy as fucking hell. It is what it is.

The good bit about August is that Lancelot’s birthday was earlier this week, Mom’s birthday is in a few weeks, and her new puppy will be picked up next Monday. That also happens to be the one year anniversary of my first date with L. Once we had that date we never looked back. No going out with anyone else since then. Don’t we make a cute couple?

That smile gets me every time.

Part of why I haven’t written deals with the most recent shootings. No, I was not involved directly. No, I’m not an expert on any of this. But yes, I feel marginalized because of the statements the President has made regarding better screening for people who have mental illnesses wanting to purchase guns and how “those people” might have to be involuntarily committed.

This is how genocide starts.

It’s happening at the southern border with the detention camps and with the ICE raids. His rhetoric is to blame for many of the shootings; people who have become emboldened by his hate speech against minorities.

I am a minority if you use mental illness as a way in which I am different than other parts of the population.

I fully agree that we need easier access to higher quality mental health care, 100%. But don’t you dare fucking think that you should have the right to lock me up against my will, denying me of my constitutional rights, just because you’re uneducated and refuse to listen to reason.

On a lighter note, here is Eric the Red taking a brief rest from playing with his squirrel toy…

i love you spoon

I’ve decided I’m just going to give up on forks for awhile. Spoons are where it’s at.

I do have a bit more energy now that I’ve stopped the blood pressure thing. Honestly, if I could remember how to spell it I’d tell you what it is. Anyway, I was able to get two loads of laundry done last night after work and that was after going and getting my hair cut and colored. So I’m feeling better about being able to function.

Functioning is good, particularly this weekend. My dearest Lancelot has a birthday on Monday so I’m planning to spoil him rotten this weekend. Some home cooked meals, a movie, a concert, and a dinner out are all on the lineup so far. I started the shenanigans yesterday with a silly little stuffed monkey. Today he got a little package of chocolates. I love spoiling that man.

Tomorrow is dermatologist day. Not sure what to think about this. I’ve been taking Humira for ages now and it doesn’t seem to be helping much anymore. I take two pills on top of that and I’m not seeing much come from them either. I had the same nonsense on my legs and they removed it with surgery but with where it’s at now that just isn’t an option.

Having chronic nonsense is frustrating. The mental health stuff, the skin stuff, the weirdo stomach issues that act up sometimes… It’s just more than I want to deal with, ya know?

Thank you Cowboy Sam Elliot, I think I will.

chemistry experiment

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2006, shortly before I turned 30. I’ve been treating it, and the raging anxiety, with medication and therapy for the last 13 years. Life with mental illness very often involves being a chemistry experiment.

One of the meds I take, Lithium, causes nasty tremors. Over the last few months it’s gotten bad enough that eating with a fork has become a risk prospect. And my handwriting is totally not even readable. It’s terrible. But the Lithium very literally is what keeps me sane.

Dilemma.

I talked to my doc about it the last time I saw her and she put me on a new  med. It’s used to control blood pressure, which I don’t have issues with, by slowing the heart rate. I got up to a therapeutic dose, thought it was helping, and then CRASH.

I was so tired all the time, I had no energy, and walking from my car to the office left me exhausted. Lancelot finally said something and I agreed to call the doc.

Fortunately she said I could quit immediately and should see an improvement, like right about now. And I am.

As much as I hate having to be a chemistry project I know how important it is. Meds don’t always work like they should, body and brain chemistry change, new advances in science are made. Maybe one day they’ll come up with a single pill that will guaranteed take care of this nonsense. Until then…

not dead yet

Hello y’all! Did ya miss me? Yeah, me too.

I have so much I want to write about, pictures to share, but there’s not enough time while I’m awake and kicking.

The time off with Lancelot was awesome. We cooked good food together, went to an art museum, saw the new Spiderman movie, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I also blocked two shawls (that I got pictures of), got some beautiful new jewelry, and managed to get a few projects taken care of – like finishing a professional development course for work.

Right now I’m feeling very fortunate to be in good health, to have a job I love, a roof over my head, and food to eat. I know that there are a whole lot of other folks who are less fortunate, through no fault of their own.

Be kind to one another, and remember that you have no idea what battles your fellow person is fighting.

vacation eve AND evicted (no, not really)

This is my last day of work until July 22nd, ALL PRAISE BE TO THE ALMIGHTY CEILING CAT!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I like my job, love it even sometimes. But I’m ready for a break. Overly ready. And Lancelot is ready for a break from his job, so the time is right.

This isn’t going to be a big trip like when we went to Ireland, in fact we aren’t really going anywhere. And quite often those are the best kind of vacations. We’ll get to bum around and play tourist in our city, sleep late, and spend time with each other. I’m looking forward to it.

But first, I have a list of projects. Well, projects and random things I want to do. Like, the other day when I was out shopping with Mom I got new knobs for my bathroom cabinets. And I have a friend who’s been making beaded bracelets so I’m going to thin out my bead stash and send a package to her. And I’ve got a few shawls that need to be blocked and since Mom is now on her trip I can use her bed to do that.

The plan is to spend tomorrow during the day, while L is catching up on a little sleep, to start tearing into my list. I might actually start tonight depending on how I feel.

So, you’re probably wondering about the “eviction” part of today’s title. If you aren’t, you likely didn’t read the title and then I say “shame on you, you lazy little so-and-so.”

I mentioned that Mom is on a trip. Her bestie, who lives on the west coast, flew in and is going with her. I gave up my bedroom for her to stay in while she’s here. I’ve been informed that I have the most comfortable bed and the most relaxing bedroom ever and I’m going to need to find a new place because she’s taking over.

I may have to frame that and have it hung in my room. It would totally fit with the decor.

monday, part two

I have to hope that the worst of it is behind me, because to think that the rest of the day will be just like this – or even fucking worse – is truly unbearable.

There’s a lot going on right now, at home and at work, so I’m a little frazzled trying to keep it all straight. I’m sure it will end up fine but at the moment it feels like my brains have been replaced with scrambled eggs.

This morning I had the (not at all) brilliant idea that I didn’t need to carry my purse, just my billfold. Fine, except that meant I left the house with no sunglasses and no office keys. Fortunately all of the doors in our office suite are keyed the same so I got one of the other girls to let me in.

But still.

Three more days of work, yay! But that means I need to wrap up as much as possible, plus I’m trying to finish an online class I’m taking for professional development.

Guess I should get my ass in gear instead of talking to y’all.