put a fucking fork in me cuz i’m beyond done

I’m behind, like seriously behind. I had thought, stupidly enough, that because I only have one meeting today I would have a chance to catch up.

WRONG.

In the time from when I left Friday afternoon until about an hour ago I’ve gotten 17 emails from ONE professor. Make that 18, another one just came in. So now I’m about to get to convert a PDF full of scanned text into a Word doc, fix the mess that’s going to happen with the text that’s clear, add dates, recreate it as a PDF, and upload it. Because I have nothing better to do. Oh, it’s 41 pages worth.

And I’ve got another one who has sent probably 10 emails today and doesn’t really seem any more inclined than the other one to actually listen to me.

This morning something smelled like it got into our AC and died, so that was a fun adventure. The thermostat for that part of the house isn’t cooperating, which means I have the service people coming out to take a look, which isn’t going to be cheap.

I got to go to the bank today because I had to cancel my account and immediately open a new one. Long time issue that I finally got fed up with. So now I have a shit-ton of brand new checks I’ll get to shred.

And I was reminded that our Fall workshops start this week and I’m up first.

On the plus side, the weekend was pretty decent. And I think I’m going to make myself some eggs and toast for dinner. Total comfort food for me.

I’m thinking today is mostly a wash at this point. I’ll get up early tomorrow and try to get some stuff done while the rest of the world sleeps.

week in review

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

Oh wait, wrong story. Let me try again.

For a first week of the semester this hasn’t sucked ass too badly. We did have some serious tech issues to start things on Monday, but that’s been the worst of it. So that was good.

And I got some knitting done. I actually managed a lot of knitting, including this beauty.

It very desperately needs to be blocked but I don’t even care. It’s amazing. Then this morning I pulled this out of hiding and finished it.

It did end up much longer, like scarf length, which was the plan. The next project on the block is either going to be another scarf that’s in pieces and just needs assembled OR  it might be a pair of cabled fingerless mitts for my friend K. Those currently consist of a single ribbed cuff.

It feels good to be finishing some projects. Yesterday I didn’t feel like I had much mental capability so I cleaned up my office. It helped. This afternoon before I wake L up I’m planning on tearing apart the guest bathroom off the main hallway. There’s an overabundance of junk in there.

Lancelot and I have lived together in this house a little more than four months and we’re still working to get everything in place. Sometimes you just have to take your best guess as to how you’ll want things setup and then step back for a while and see how it goes. I’m finding myself at the point where I’m ready to make some changes. The other day I swapped the contents of two drawers because they just weren’t working.

Perhaps I’m mental. Perhaps.

Perhaps I eat a lot of chicken curry. Yes, yes I do. I’ve decided it’s one of the easiest dinners I can cook without really cooking anything. I do everything except the rice in the slow cooker so it’s total minimal effort. And I found the tiny naan at the grocery store. They fit in the toaster so you can easily have them nice and warm. It’s perfect!

This week’s cheap and cheerful grocery store bouquet. I’ve decided that having fresh flowers makes me ridiculously happy and is well worth the small price tag.

outing myself

First the easy update, I think the shawl will be done yet this week. For one thing, I’m getting towards the end of the pattern. For another thing, I’m getting frighteningly close to end of the yarn. I’m thinking I might be making a few executive decisions about how many repeats to do. But hey, that’s part of the beauty of a pattern like this, I can be as flexible as I want.

Here’s a totally random update… We picked up a delicious watermelon last weekend and man do I love me some good watermelon. But this sucker was HUGE, like so big I was afraid me and Lancelot couldn’t possibly eat all of it before it spoiled. And that’s when I remembered something from when I traveled over to Delhi and Dubai.

Watermelon juice.

We had already cleaned and chunked up the melon so I just tossed a quantity into the blender and abused the hell out of it. And that was it. No straining, no fussing, no nothing. Pour it in a cup, stick a straw in it, and enjoy. It’s wonderful. And it’s healthy. So yay.

So I mentioned outing myself, something I actually used to do pretty regularly. I have Bipolar Disorder and I’m not at all ashamed to talk about it. FFS, I was actively working on writing my memoir all about it! When it comes up naturally in conversation and it makes sense, I have a tendency to say something.

Today I met with a faculty member who will be teaching an online Social Work class that deals with mental illness. DUH, it made sense to me to bring up my diagnosis. I’m more than 13 years into recovery at this point and I’m in a good place with my treatment so I’m pretty damn comfortable talking about it, particularly since I know that talking openly and honestly helps to fight the stigma associated with mental illnesses.

For example, I will tell you…

  • I take medication every day to help stabilize my moods; 12 pills to be precise (all of my other pills are for other doc prescribed stuff)
  • I meet (via Zoom right now) with my therapist every other week
  • I don’t drink more than 2 drinks in a 7 day period because I know that more is not healthy for me
  • I don’t smoke, anything, because it screws with my mood
  • I go to bed at 8 because if I have trouble sleeping that leaves me enough time to get sleep before I must get up in the morning
  • But I usually get up around 4am and start doing stuff
  • I haven’t been actively suicidal since 2009
  • I don’t like violence of any kind and I wouldn’t dream of hitting another creature
  • It’s taken a long time for me to like myself

But if you just met me under normal circumstances you would likely never guess that my home life was any different than your own. And that is one of my greatest successes I think; being able to “pass” for someone who doesn’t have a mental illness.

start of the semester got me like… ugh

Last week was rough. No, ROUGH. On Tuesday I picked Lancelot up from work early in the morning, came home, and crawled back into bed for three hours. I spent my work day in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I’m not sure if I was coming down with a cold or if I’d just gotten too run down or what. But it wasn’t good.

Is anyone else at that point where you freak the hell out any time you sneeze?

Anyway, I finally started to feel better when I realized I actually do need to take care of myself. I started a new shawl, I started eating a little better, and I let myself wear pajama pants a lot. It was good and it helped.

The pattern, not that you can tell a damn thing right now, is Tumbledown Mountain and the yarn is Mille Colori Sock and Lace. The colors are WILD. The pattern is fairly sedate to start with so the stripes are going to be amazing. So far this is just what I need, delightfully relaxing knitting that I don’t have to think about much.

I’ve also been trying to get some stuff taken care of around the house that I’ve been neglecting. I’m not one that normally lets the laundry get out of hand, but I had, so I got that caught up. And we got our wedding pictures printed and framed, which was nice. All in all it was just a very good weekend.

Garth approved. Garth usually approves, unless Pippy is chewing on his tail. He actually snuggled with me most of last night. It’s nice except he likes to bite. I did get a really nice surprise yesterday from my stepdad.

A Child of my very own. And he likes Prickly Pear Red Bull Refreshers from the coffee shop. We’re going to need all the caffeine we can get. Today is the first day of the semester for us and there have already been some massive technical issues that have impacted a vast portion of the planet. Nothing like starting off having one of your most critical tools take a shit right in the middle of your breakfast.

 

 

 

Lancelot and I did this thing…

It really is official now, and it still really doesn’t feel like it. But everything came off without a hitch and we are now well and truly Mr. and Mrs. Lancelot. And I do really love that.

My friend K took the photos for us and from what I’ve seen so far… WOW. She’s phenomenal and we’re totally lucky that she was willing and able to do this for us. I can’t wait to see the rest of the pictures she took.

Everything went really well in spite of the crazy heat and we had a very nice time.

So since then we’ve been doing our best to enjoy our brief vacation from work. We ate out at a restaurant for the first time in utter ages. We went to two museums, both of which are practicing very strict social distancing, much to my pleasure.

I took a picture of us last year in the atrium of this same museum. Last year we were able to sit on the edge of the fountain, this year we stood. But still, I got to get out and do a few things. SAFELY.

Both of us return to work now, L tonight and me in the morning. We’ve hung up all of the pictures we received as gifts (did you know Etsy has a wedding registry? totally awesome), made a few purchases to spiff up the house a little, and taken some time to relax.

And last night we got to celebrate my mom’s birthday. With cheesecake. That I had to make. It was super yum.

Oh, I might have snuck to the yarn shop (with L’s full knowledge) and acquired two skeins of Mountain Colors “Twizzlefoot” that might just get turned into a single shawl…

here we go

This was the last creative thing I’ve done, and that was on Sunday. That should tell you something, not only about how busy I’ve been but also a little about the state of my mental well being.

It ain’t good.

I guess cooking counts. I whipped up a batch of curry earlier this week. I like to make this in the slow cooker because I can dump everything in and walk away for a few hours and come back to delicious. These days if the cooking isn’t happening while I’m working, it just isn’t going to happen. I’m afraid to say that my health in general is suffering these days.

Last night I had Pippy and Eric curled up with me on the couch. My evenings tend to involve having a little dinner around 6:30 and then watching a little TV with the furkids. I just don’t have it in me to knit or do laundry or anything much. I’m exhausted.

We’ve had a fair amount of rain lately and this morning it was rather horrible. We had thunderstorms so bad that the dog got freaked out, and storms seldom bother her. I didn’t hear quite how much rain we got but my guess is that it was several inches.

So our semester starts on August 24th which means part of what I’m dealing with in terms of being so busy is just normal start of semester stuff. Part of it though deals with the plague. I’ve been working with more faculty moving courses online that ever before. It’s been exciting but well and truly exhausting. I’ve been starting my days around 6am and not quitting until at least 6pm. My days are lots of meetings which  means the actual “work” has to get done outside the normal hours when people expect to meet. Today my last meeting is at 4pm. It’s been rough.

Wish me luck y’all, I’ve got a few more days to get through…

 

monday morning update

Good news first… The hematologist was very nice and not concerned that I have some scary blood disorder. He ran a few tests just to be sure but his opinion is that I’m just fine.

Other good news… We’re less than 2 weeks from the wedding. I would tell you exactly how many but me and math, it’s just ugly.

COVID friendly wedding favors. (and no, his name isn’t really Lancelot)

Prototype decorations to line the path from the driveway up to the garden. I think it needs more green tulle.

My bouquet is wood flowers, that I purchased already assembled, so I made the flowers for Lancelot, Mom, and R. Not horrid.

My assistant this morning, performing vital paperweight duties.

I spent a few hours Saturday morning working, another four or so yesterday, and then today got up and started around 5am. And now they’re doing some damn email migration nonsense so I can’t get in to my email. Not good.

 

and so it begins

I’ve worked for the same university for 20 years, more if you count the time I worked there as a student. The start of the Fall semester is always busy. Always. It’s indescribable.  All you can do is keep your arms and legs inside the ride and hold on for dear life.

Now, let’s toss in a pandemic, just for fun. More classes than ever are going to be taught online. That means my particular skill set is in HIGH demand.

Now, let’s toss in my health not being great. And my mental health, under control yes, but still tricky sometimes.

Now, let’s toss in my wedding which will take place in FOURTEEN DAYS.

Yesterday I quit work at 6:30pm (I started shortly before 8am) and I ate ice cream for dinner.

I don’t want y’all to think it’s all bad. It’s not bad, it’s chaotic. And tiring. But I am still knitting, slowly. There’s nothing like a top down shawl to make you question your sanity.

Reyna is beautiful but I’m to a point where finishing a single row is an accomplishment.

Lest you think everything is shit… Lancelot found this little headpiece I got in Dubai and we had this moment of pure joy the other day during my lunch break. It’s the pieces of magic like this that make my life worthwhile right now.

Fourteen days…

i can’t find the dog’s stuffed bunny and it’s freaking me out a little

That’s Pippy and Bun-bun. (we are not creative when naming the dog’s toys) Earlier this afternoon she was pouting because Jason had gone to sleep and she was stuck with me. And she was stuck in the office with me because yesterday she had an accident in the other room.

Anyway, a little later while I was on a call I very distinctly remember seeing her play with it. But now I can’t find it. And that’s a little creepy.

I’m still knitting, though I’ve realized that my needle is almost certainly too short. That combined with being at a spot in the pattern where there are close to (maybe more?) 100 stitches and it’s slow going. It makes me very tempted to start the shrug. But I really should just finish something.

Garth has started dragging his toys under my desk and then curling up to hide. Nothing quite like accidentally kicking something squishy and then having your toes bit. He’s tiny but he’s feisty.

That is the teeny tiny flower bed in front of the front door. I haven’t done any planting this year unless you count putting the sprouted potatoes in the dirt rather than the trash, but I don’t count that. These moss rose are volunteers, apparently there because moss rose is what my mom almost always planted there.

It’s not that I don’t want to grow things, more that I haven’t felt like that could be a priority this year. I am nearly always tired and feel like I just don’t have enough time for everything (anything). I told Lancelot how I was feeling the other day and he has been doing things to help make me feel better, like making my lunch yesterday and today. Today he did it so I could knit for a few minutes. He is most definitely my knight in shining armor.

I look tired as hell, but I think maybe everyone is starting to look that way. I am rocking a new necklace today. I would take more credit for making it but all I had to do was attach the chain.

I can’t stress this enough, take care of yourselves. Don’t take stupid risks, wear a mask when you go out, give yourself time for your hobbies. We’re all in this together, and we really can’t do it alone.

i’m weak

This will become a shawl.

I think this will, too.

I got two balls of this so I’m thinking this becomes a shrug with beads around the ends of the sleeves, because I maybe went to the tiny local bead shop and got some Japanese seed beads to match this. Maybe.

Garth was not overly impressed. He scares the hell out of me every time he does this, especially when he starts playing with his own tail.

One of my friends is sewing masks and selling them on Etsy, very reasonably priced. If you like Disney you should check out her shop, she’s got a really nice variety of prints. I really like this purple flower one.

We had our first guest since the plague started. On Saturday night my friend K came over and we did a practice run of makeup for the wedding. Not bad. It was amazing to see her.

Meet Blanche, my new African violet. Mom gave me this antique tea pot and it just seemed like the perfect vessel for a violet. She has taken up residence in the office.

I’m still trying to knit every day and get things done. Today is almost wall to wall meetings, which sucks. Zoom fatigue is a very real thing, and when you combine that with a mental health issue it’s a pretty unpleasant thing.