here we go

This was the last creative thing I’ve done, and that was on Sunday. That should tell you something, not only about how busy I’ve been but also a little about the state of my mental well being.

It ain’t good.

I guess cooking counts. I whipped up a batch of curry earlier this week. I like to make this in the slow cooker because I can dump everything in and walk away for a few hours and come back to delicious. These days if the cooking isn’t happening while I’m working, it just isn’t going to happen. I’m afraid to say that my health in general is suffering these days.

Last night I had Pippy and Eric curled up with me on the couch. My evenings tend to involve having a little dinner around 6:30 and then watching a little TV with the furkids. I just don’t have it in me to knit or do laundry or anything much. I’m exhausted.

We’ve had a fair amount of rain lately and this morning it was rather horrible. We had thunderstorms so bad that the dog got freaked out, and storms seldom bother her. I didn’t hear quite how much rain we got but my guess is that it was several inches.

So our semester starts on August 24th which means part of what I’m dealing with in terms of being so busy is just normal start of semester stuff. Part of it though deals with the plague. I’ve been working with more faculty moving courses online that ever before. It’s been exciting but well and truly exhausting. I’ve been starting my days around 6am and not quitting until at least 6pm. My days are lots of meetings which  means the actual “work” has to get done outside the normal hours when people expect to meet. Today my last meeting is at 4pm. It’s been rough.

Wish me luck y’all, I’ve got a few more days to get through…

 

i can’t find the dog’s stuffed bunny and it’s freaking me out a little

That’s Pippy and Bun-bun. (we are not creative when naming the dog’s toys) Earlier this afternoon she was pouting because Jason had gone to sleep and she was stuck with me. And she was stuck in the office with me because yesterday she had an accident in the other room.

Anyway, a little later while I was on a call I very distinctly remember seeing her play with it. But now I can’t find it. And that’s a little creepy.

I’m still knitting, though I’ve realized that my needle is almost certainly too short. That combined with being at a spot in the pattern where there are close to (maybe more?) 100 stitches and it’s slow going. It makes me very tempted to start the shrug. But I really should just finish something.

Garth has started dragging his toys under my desk and then curling up to hide. Nothing quite like accidentally kicking something squishy and then having your toes bit. He’s tiny but he’s feisty.

That is the teeny tiny flower bed in front of the front door. I haven’t done any planting this year unless you count putting the sprouted potatoes in the dirt rather than the trash, but I don’t count that. These moss rose are volunteers, apparently there because moss rose is what my mom almost always planted there.

It’s not that I don’t want to grow things, more that I haven’t felt like that could be a priority this year. I am nearly always tired and feel like I just don’t have enough time for everything (anything). I told Lancelot how I was feeling the other day and he has been doing things to help make me feel better, like making my lunch yesterday and today. Today he did it so I could knit for a few minutes. He is most definitely my knight in shining armor.

I look tired as hell, but I think maybe everyone is starting to look that way. I am rocking a new necklace today. I would take more credit for making it but all I had to do was attach the chain.

I can’t stress this enough, take care of yourselves. Don’t take stupid risks, wear a mask when you go out, give yourself time for your hobbies. We’re all in this together, and we really can’t do it alone.

better late than never

Life has been ridiculous lately, seriously. I feel like some things are moving a million miles an hour while others are stuck on the back of a sloth moving through a lake of cold molasses. For reals, it’s all or nothing right now. But it’s not all bad.

The Fourth of July sucked. Pippy absolutely HATES fireworks. The entire time it was legal to be blowing up the world around here she was a furry little wreck. Lancelot and I went and had dinner with Mom and R that night and ended up just taking her with us. There was no way I was leaving her home alone with just the cats. And yes, I was stopped at a long traffic light when I took this picture.

I finished, and blocked, the Zaffre shawl. (Garth taking a bath for scale) I was sweating bullets when I was finishing this; there’s maybe 24″ of yarn left. I shit you not. Anyway, super satisfying knit and I love the way the colors pooled. This is a pattern I would consider knitting again with a very different yarn.

Speaking of Garth, he’s an opportunistic little fuck. This is the second time he’s jumped on my desk and stolen my food, while I was eating it. Yesterday he licked every single one of my spicy pretzels before eating two of them. He is a consummate asshole.

I’m still working on the blanket for Mom. It has become the “I’m too tired to think about a pattern but I want to do something” project. I’m nearing the end of the second skein of yarn so I’m making reasonable progress. I am going to try to work on something else soon, I just can’t decide what. I’m trying to tell myself that I need to finish all of the other projects I have started before I start something else.

Anyone care to take bets on whether that actually happens?

well this has been quite the day

This was from yesterday but it’s a nice visual representation of how I feel – like there’s something looking over my shoulder / standing on my back / looking to keep me down. It was actually just Eric being lovey and headbutting me in the back of the head. But you get the idea.

So apparently I have a few numbers that are too high on my last blood test. The one number has been steadily increasing over the last year so I’ll be going to see a hematologist sometime reasonably soon. Not excited. It’s not that I mind seeing another doctor but sick people go to doctors and right now I do NOT want to be around sick people.

I also get to go have another blood draw in two weeks to address the other numbers. Again, not that I really mind but my veins don’t always cooperate so needles aren’t always my friend. I’ll deal.

I did manage to make myself appear competent this morning, just long enough to give a presentation.

I seldom dress up anymore and I decided that’s a shame. I have a closet full of adorable clothes that are getting no love right now. So I got out a cute shirt, put on jewelry and makeup, and then a pair of jeans for the bottom half. No one sees my ass anymore except Lancelot. Now that the presentation is over and I’m back to being a hermit I’m back in a t-shirt and I look like a 12 year old boy. It’s all good.

Garth stole my last few bites of granola bar this morning and proceeded to make a huge mess on my desk. He’s an odd little cat, he actually did eat some of it. Bastard licked all of it so I wasn’t about to finish it.

nothing like the smell of progress

I do love it when a plan comes together, don’t  you?

My office is essentially done. Finally. The only thing I need now is a better chair. And yes, that’s Eric the Red snoozing in his bed. I quite often have him and Pippy in here napping while I work. I’d like to think that’s because they enjoy my company but they could just as easily be taunting me with the fact that they get to sleep while I must toil away.

Lancelot helped me bring all of my files from the desk in the basement up here this morning. I’m sure there’s still stuff down there that should be moved, but this got a good chunk of it. Given what I struggle with in the “scrambled brains” department it’s essential that I have a system to stay organized.

We’re finally at a point where the things we have left to do are pretty much purely cosmetic. I’ve got some new artsy things to put on the walls and a few pictures to frame, but really everything that’s left is little. And that’s good. Because…

Now it’s time to get back to better meal planning and concentrating on my health. L got the treadmill cleared off and setup for me and I found my Fitbit this morning and put it on the charger. I’m seriously hoping that I can get myself on some sort of routine that involves better health.

I was pretty seriously concerned about weight gain when the plague started. I figured there was a very real possibility that I would end up weighing 600lbs. So I started weighing myself, nothing more and nothing less. I wasn’t trying to lose any weight, I just didn’t want to gain any. As of the last time I checked I had gained a total of 2lbs since March 23rd. I think that’s pretty fucking fabulous.

If any of y’all have any good (easy?) recipes to share, maybe slow cooker or pressure cooker, I would love to hear about them.

so much going on right now

Ok, first things first.

That is the shawl as of this morning. I managed to get some sunlight so the colors in this pic aren’t too far off true. I haven’t been working on it too much lately only because lately has been weird.

Yesterday I was knitting a wash cloth, and if you’re thinking that floor looks like generic waiting room tile you would be right. I had my six month mammogram yesterday. Why six month you ask? Well, back in 2017 I had a whole fuck load of medical issues including having my first mammogram coming back sketchy. I had another mammogram, an ultrasound, and then a needle biopsy. They found some tissue that was questionable so I started seeing an oncologist, super nice old guy, and having my girls checked twice a year. As of yesterday’s appointment I have been officially informed that the Great Cans Cancer Scare of ’17 was truly JUST a scare. So yay.

I had the blinds in the one living room window open last night because I was watching for the UPS truck (that still hasn’t fucking come, even though we are on day three of my fucking file cabinet allegedly being delivered) and Garth got all excited. There were bugs outside and he was chasing them. He’s a nut.

Pippy didn’t want to leave my side. She’s a very snuggly puppy. And she’s very perceptive. If I’m upset about anything she comes and sits right next to me, even if Lancelot is in the room and he’s her favorite.

Speaking of Lancelot…

That’s me, Mom, R, and Lancelot at Mom’s wedding. I thought the boys looked quite spiffy and Mom was stunning in her blue dress. I didn’t look too bad either I guess.

firsts

There are certain things in life that I wasn’t sure I would experience. Some of those things make me quite happy to miss out on, like child birth. Some of those things had made me sad. Today I need happy things so we’re going to focus on all sorts of firsts that are making me smile.

I am officially a first time home owner. The paperwork is all done. And, of course, they raised the value of the house so next year I’ll get to pay even more in taxes. Yay!

I will get to see my mother happily married to a man that she loves, and I’ll be the one walking her down the aisle. After my father passed away I wasn’t sure she would find love again. I am quite pleased to see my mother acting like a teenage girl for the first time in my life.

Lancelot and I bought artwork, picked it out together, to hang in our living room. He’s been helping me figure out where to put our pictures and whatnot, but this has been the first piece we’ve selected together. I can’t wait for it to arrive.

Our wedding will be the first time I’ve been with a man who was interested enough in the wedding to have opinions about how things go. He isn’t trying to run the show, but he’s got ideas and I’m enjoying this.

And this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever been this happy.

in a funk, wishing it was funkytown

The boys have been enjoying having empty boxes to play with, and so has Pippy. They see them as toys. I see them as reminders of the move. Don’t get me wrong, I am ridiculously happy that Lancelot lives here, I’ll be happier when the move is done. And that should be this weekend. Praise be to the Almighty Ceiling Cat.

The weather here hasn’t helped lately. Lots of rain and gray skies and cool weather. I guess that’s better than blazing heat, but it doesn’t exactly make me feel very energetic.

The house is coming together as are the wedding plans, and that’s good. But I haven’t really knit lately, or done anything else creative. Lately it’s been all I can do to keep up with the laundry and making dinner. I’m feeling a whole lot of brain fog right now and I Do Not Like It.

So rather than whine any more I think I’m going to go wind up a ball of yarn and try to start a new knitting project. Maybe cheating on my current WIPs will help.

running as fast as I can but one foot is nailed to the floor

Seriously, it’s not Friday? Are you sure? FUCK.

Anyway, life is life and I’m still totally thankful but GODDAMNIT WHY DO I WORK WITH FUCKING MORONS???

Sorry, that was 100% necessary. Really, it was. I’ve got a good person being held back by red tape and a fucking monkey holding the tape dispenser. I hate it when that happens.

And it’s time for our annual performance evaluations and I really hate that. Yes, totally glad I have a job right now and that this job allows me to work from home during The Plague. Honest. But I always get seriously freaked out about losing my job, partially because they just eliminated 13 positions in our unit. Some of those people had been here for their entire careers and were on the verge of retirement. I shit you not.

Yes, I am wound a little tight right now, why do you ask? And I find myself in need of a stronger word than “fuck” because that’s just not cutting it anymore.

On the plus side of things – I don’t have to cook tonight because I have a variety of leftovers in the fridge. I have a quilling kit from Lancelot that I haven’t opened yet but might try to get into tonight. I got to see Mom this morning and get a hug. And I have lots of music I can listen to that will hopefully help soothe this savage beast.

I just need to get myself through the next few days, I can do that, right?

 

 

my dog is hugging a washcloth and snoring and I think that’s the cutest thing ever

It’s rough to be Pippy. She’s had some kind of tummy issue the last few days that have resulted in PITH (pooping in the house) and that makes me and Lancelot unhappy. We tried giving her rice and chicken to see if that would help and when it became apparent that it wasn’t we took her to the vet this morning. The good news is that it is not a parasite. The bad news is that the vet isn’t entirely sure what it is. So we have some pills to take a new kibble to eat. And yes, right now she is laying in her chair in my office with her coveted stolen washcloth between her front paws. Adorable to say the least.

I was talking to one of my work friends today over Zoom and realized that I haven’t been focusing enough of my energy on gratitude. And that’s a bummer because that’s been such an important part of my routines for so long and unfortunately that’s just sort of fallen by the wayside lately.

So today I am thankful for…

  • the roof over my head
  • the food I cook every night
  • the job I mostly love
  • the fuzzy critters who make me laugh even though they take up way more than their share of the bed every night
  • my darling Lancelot who helps keep me sane and gives amazing hugs
  • Mom and R because they’re awesome
  • my friends, y’all included
  • my medication that really keeps me sane