so much to do, so little time to do it

That’s the finished lantern. Mom likes it so much that she’s trying to get me to make another.

My psych doc has added another med. It’s that tiny little coral colored one on the far left. It starts with a “p” but I can’t remember the exact name. The purpose is to help with the tremors. So far so good, though I haven’t hit a large enough dose to completely get rid of them. I am at a point where I can read my own writing more easily. That is EIGHTEEN pills and that’s just what I take at night. Oy.

Me and the most handsome man in the world had dinner with Mom on Friday night at my new favorite Tex-Mex restaurant. Good food and great company, how could you go wrong?

On Saturday we went to the summer art festival and I got some great new jewelry and some wearable art pieces. I can’t wait to wear them this week. We managed to get through it before the heat got too bad.

I do have a ton to do yet. Busy weekends don’t usually leave much time for getting productive things done. And I’m taking a class for work which also doesn’t help. But so far today at work I’ve been kicking ass and taking names, and that’s always good.

 

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so there i was, up to my chin in empty gin bottles and old popcorn bags, wearing a fluffy squirrel for a hat when suddenly…

Oh if only my life were that dull right now.

Life here has been very interesting but not in the “gee that sounds very interesting” sort of way, more in the “gee that shard of glass sticking out of your eyeball really does make it sparkle” kind of way.

There has been some family drama, which isn’t mine to tell but has certainly been taking a toll. There has been a bit of drama with Lancelot, but that’s so wee that I don’t even want to go into it. (and we’re seriously doing oodles better with the whole effective communication thing, it’s fabulous) And then there’s been the weather drama; some parts of these parts got FIVE MOTHERFUCKING INCHES OF HAIL this morning. I shit you not. Tonight isn’t looking much better on that front.

Anyway, I have been knitting. The Garden Shawlette got finished over the weekend and then this morning I cast on another shawl. It’s going to be delightfully easy and that makes it delightful. The shawl I’m leaving at L’s to work on during weekend TV time is also coming along quite nicely. This Thursday, that’s two days from now, right?, anyway, I’m taking a fused glass class that evening that I’m looking forward to. I haven’t done any glass stuff in ages.

Does anyone else get completely screwed up about what day (or year) it is when you have too many days off work? No? Must just be me.

In other news that no one really gives a rip about, I’m going back to having purple hair. The red was mildly interesting but not enough to stay. Oh, and I shaved L’s head Saturday morning. That was interesting and very fabulous. Nothing as relaxing as rubbing a freshly buzz cut head on the man you love.

He has the most beautiful smile in the whole wide universe.

making the most of it

Lancelot periodically has to work overtime. I kind of hate this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a common thing and a known hazard and it really doesn’t happen often. And at least he’s hourly so, unlike when I get to work extra, he gets paid for it. So I try (honestly, I try) not to bitch about it too much.

He had to work last night, big ol’ bummer. But instead of pouting and feeling sorry for myself, which honestly does no damn good, I decided to act like a big girl and I’ve been making the most of what we refer to at work as “found time.” So far I have…

  • Taken Mom out for a lovely dinner where we both got tipsy
  • Re-wrote the directions for a knitting pattern because I found them confusing
  • Actually did some knitting
  • Thoroughly cleaned my bathroom
  • Did my food prep for the week
  • Took care of some paperwork for my health care account
  • Cleaned up the laptop
  • Got my outfits and jewelry ready for next week

Might not seem like a lot (or maybe it does) but it certainly helped pass the time and I feel good for having been productive.

Possibly the most exciting news is that I’m not really done with grad school after all. I met with the program coordinator on Friday and got some new information that makes all the difference. I’m going to take at least one semester off, but during that time I can be writing on my own and “banking” material for later. I also found out that I have TEN YEARS from when I started to get this done. That takes a lot of the pressure off.

Lancelot is super excited. He told me that he knew I wasn’t giving up, just taking a break. He’s got a lot of faith in me. Anyway, we’re going to go to the residency this July for a day to sit in on a lecture and see everyone. I want him to get a sense of what the experience is like. And the coordinator wants to meet him.

I’m actually excited to start writing again.

a million things

I’ve been making pretty good progress with getting my life back together. This wasn’t like some of the ridiculously spectacular explosions that I have faced before, but the time between January 1 and now has been, well, I don’t have enough of the right words to describe it.

It was like having to burn all the candles at all the ends.

It was like arguing with a demon in my head who was a toddler and insisted on a bedtime story every five minutes.

It was like watching all of the things I wanted to be doing slip through my fingers like water, and knowing that the water was tears.

But it’s over, and as much as I love what I wrote and as proud as I am of what I managed to do, it needed to be put away for now. And so I did. I cleared out a small drawer in my desk yesterday and put all of the printed materials and my notebooks in it. The memoirs I read are on the bookshelf (except Patty Duke’s shitty book, yuck). Reclaiming my workspace yesterday and getting that area ready for creative things again was crucial for moving forward.

I also went through my room and came up with four bags full to send to the thrift shop. I was ruthless. It felt FABULOUS. And, as usual, I found some things I had completely forgotten about. It feels a lot better in there now as well.

This is maybe a weird thing, but I’m going to share anyway. I’m totally a list maker, y’all know that. But I don’t like writing them on paper if I don’t have to. At work I have a whiteboard mounted on a door and I frequently fill that up. But at home I don’t have that, so I improvise.

Upstairs I keep a dry erase marker in the bathroom and I write my lists on the mirror. Sounds strange, but it works. It’s right there where I look every day and it wipes off super easy. I find that it really helps, and it’s a cheap hack.

Life is slowly returning to the happy place where I really enjoy it. Mom and I did a little shopping last Thursday, Lancelot and I went and had massages Saturday morning and then did a little shopping, we had friends over for dinner, and then brunch on Mother’s Day. And I’ve been knitting again. What more can you ask for?

Apparently you can ask for more treats.

DONE!!!

Do I seem excited? A little? Perhaps? Nah…

Friday night I turned in the last of my school work. I will freely admit that it wasn’t the quantity or quality that I normally strive for but I was burned extra crispy and all I wanted was to turn something, anything, in and get some meager amount of credit. And I did. Based on the feedback I’ve already gotten from my mentor I believe I have passed the semester.

That’s the new look. My hair is ridiculously short and I absolutely love it. The color is very black cherry and it suits me nicely. Lancelot has been playing with it, a lot, and I absolutely love that, too. Speaking of Lancelot…

After the panic of Friday night getting my homework turned in we spent the rest of the weekend in a much more relaxed fashion. We did a wee bit of shopping, watched a few movies, I did a little knitting while he watched some wrestling matches, and then we had craft time. I showed him how to make coasters using 4″ white tiles and alcohol ink. Much fun.

I’m looking forward to having more time to work on projects now that I’m not in school. I have a ton of beautiful yarn just waiting to be used, not to mention beads, and there are still projects that I’d started ages ago that need some love.

These boys need some love, too. I got a text from Mom this morning saying “this is how we do Mondays.” Indeed.

almost there

I have until tomorrow to get the rest of my homework for the semester done. I’m already mostly checked out but I’ll get it done. There are 15 graduate credits on the line; I refuse to have the loan I took out for this semester be for naught.

On a totally unrelated topic, it seems to me that the only thing worse than dealing with your own anxiety and difficulties are having someone you love dealing with anxiety and difficulties and not really be able to help. It’s a rather horrible feeling, very powerless. I am hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

There’s not much else to tell right now I’m afraid. I’m still trying to stick with the healthy eating stuff but not really doing a great job. Progress is slow, but steady. That counts, right?

plans, plans, and more plans

The food habit changes are going well. Last night I made some sugar free cheesecake flavored pudding and added fresh strawberries to it. Not quite as good as real cheesecake but also not too damn bad. It’s all about balance, right?

In an effort to be transparent, and to keep myself accountable, I am going to report my actual weight. I started this at 263.5lbs. By May 11 I need to be down to 255.5lbs. I can totally do this.

Today is my firstĀ  day without the ankle brace. Lancelot and I realized yesterday that it was close enough. It’s incredibly liberating to not have to wear it. I have on proper sandals and they’re staying on my feet properly. And there’s a pair of purple Birkenstock sandals being delivered today that I should be able to wear tomorrow. This makes my little black heart insanely happy.

There’s lots in the works for this weekend, which also makes me happy. Tomorrow night is date night with Lancelot. Saturday we’ll have to do a bit of grocery shopping, I’m going to dye eggs with my nieces, then I’m making a new pasta dish for dinner and we’ll watch Avengers Infinity War, and on Sunday I’m going to have brunch with my sister’s family. I’m hoping to have time to maybe knit a little.

Tonight I’m going to try to make some jewelry with the new bits I got at the bead expo. I’m wearing the shawl pin I got today and it’s perfect.

The trinity knot at the top is gorgeous. It’s going to look amazing with the shawl I started in Ireland, assuming I ever get that finished.