when a good gut goes bad

Yesterday my body decided “gee, wouldn’t it be fun if IN ADDITION to having this sinus yuck we had some gastrointestinal yuck?” And then I did. And, for the record, it was NOT fun.

So I took the day off work and spent most of my time in my robe, sitting in my chair, watching mindless daytime TV.

Mom was very good to me and made sure I didn’t die. Lancelot was worried and very sweet. Which was wonderful considering I sent him a text at 5am telling him I couldn’t pick him up from work. That’s the mark of a good man, seriously.

I managed to drag my miserable little butt to the eye doctor yesterday and found out that the raging headaches I’ve been dealing with lately are from my prescription being drastically wrong, which is odd because these glasses are less than a year old. But whatever, I ordered new ones and I think they’ll be nice.

Life is just so chaotic right now. There’s a ton going on at work, we have extra critters at home because my sister is out of town, I don’t feel fab, and we’re coming up on the anniversary of my dad’s passing. February tends to suck.

But I’m doing the best I can, taking care of myself, and trying to sleep. I can’t explain enough to people who don’t have mental illness difficulties how crucial sleep really is. If I don’t get reasonable sleep for several nights in a row I end up a big ol’ wreck. So not pretty. Lancelot has been keeping a close eye on me, as has Mom. They both ask every day how I slept. Last week Lancelot was rather excited because I went to bed before he did on Saturday night and he heard my odd little snores, so he knew I was sleeping.

why I f*cking HATE daylight saving time

I’m in treatment for Bipolar Disorder II, and by that I mean that I take my prescribed meds as prescribed, I see my psychiatrist when I’m supposed to, I see my therapist every month, I don’t drink excessively, I don’t take recreational drugs, I try to eat more healthy food than crap, and I work really hard to get at least 6 hours of sleep every night.

Every. F*cking. Night.

It’s important y’all. Too many nights of not enough sleep in a row will screw my life up faster than damn near anything else. For reals.

I take roughly 15 pills every night before bed. Nine of those are actual psychiatric medications. Two are OTC things that help with sleep and the rest are vitamins. I turn off the TV, the computer, and the phone so that the blue light emitted from their screens don’t stimulate my brain. I keep my room nice and cool. I run an essential oil diffuser with lavender oil. And sometimes it’s just not enough.

I can tell you with 99.9% certainty that next week is going to be rough. You wouldn’t think a single hour, 60 minutes, would make such a difference, but it does. I will have trouble falling asleep and I will have one hell of a time waking up. There will be much grumping. There will be industrial quantities of coffee required.

Man this sucks.