taking out the trash

I’ve mentioned several times recently that I’ve been on this “clean out all the bullshit” kick. I’m loving it. Clothes that didn’t fit or don’t make me happy, jewelry I never wore, some shoes, a few books, candles… I realized just now that there’s another stash of clothes that need to go, hidden under the stairs.

But there are other things that need to be removed. Yesterday I ended up cleaning out my closet at work, the one that primarily houses snacks and stuff. That was a disaster. Today I’m going to spend a little time on my desk. Too much clutter, too much nonsense in the drawers.

I can’t really say what it is that gets me into these moods, but it’s a cyclical thing with me. Kind of like Spring Cleaning on steroids I guess. All I know is that I feel better once it’s all done.

This afternoon I’m meeting with one of the program coordinators for the writing program I just left. I feel good that I was able to finish the semester successfully, but I know that I just can’t take on that kind of workload and stress again right now. I want to finish the memoir one of these days but I already know that my Fall semester is going to be too busy. There’s at least one international trip planned so that right there is enough to make me not interested in school.

I’m going to try to add back in a hobby/creative outlet that I haven’t done in ages. I’ve signed up to take a fused glass class at a local studio where I’ve taken classes before. I’m excited, it should be great. The last project I made, I think, was last summer. Not that the knitting and jewelry making aren’t good enough, but a girl shouldn’t box herself in too much when it comes to being creative.

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a plus, a minus

My older niece is doing the National American Miss pageant stuff, and is doing quite well so far. She’s got an event coming up and my sister wanted me to find a picture of Miss E from her second birthday. My dad was still alive then and he took THOUSANDS of photos. Not even kidding. So Mom and I spent a fair bit of time the other night finding the Very Specific photo my sister wanted. We also found this…

My dad was a Shriner and in the Provost unit so at the annual Shrine Circus he put on his police/security uniform and helped people find stuff, etc. This is a shot of him and Miss E at what would end up being his last circus. It’s significant to me in part because there are so few pictures of Dad. He was almost always the one taking the pictures. And there’s just something so precious about this.

So that was definitely a plus. Now, for the minus…

I wanted to scream this yesterday afternoon when I found out but I wanted to wait until I got to see Lancelot in person this morning to tell him. Mom found out first.

I GOT AN A- IN MY CLASS!!!

No, that is not a real bird. Yes, I am that cool. (from the Dubai trip)

Grad school is now over for me, for the foreseeable future. I am signed up for a single class in the Fall but the jury is still out as to whether I’ll stay signed up. I have one more international trip to take plus I’ve been approached about taking on a paid side gig. I refuse to make myself as ridiculously busy as I was in the spring.

so there I was, up to my ears in pop tops and kitten tears when all of a sudden…

I would like to think that this far into my recovery, 13 years post-diagnosis, that I know a few things about myself. Evidently I still have some shit to learn. For example…

Yesterday morning after breakfast Lancelot rubbed my head while I was laying in his lap, sprawled on the couch, and that is apparently the very best way to put me to sleep ever. He confessed to keeping up with the rubbing for a good 20 minutes because I looked peaceful and it didn’t seem to right to stop and possibly wake me.

On Saturday I mentioned to him that I’d seen a bead expo advertised on Facebook. Not only was he willing to go, but he said it sounded like fun, and he then proceeded to help me pick out treasures. I didn’t know that men did this. I also didn’t know how much I could enjoy that.

I’ve also realized that grad school is maybe not the thing for me right now, at least not like this. I’ve been mulling this over for awhile. In some ways the lack of structure and the freedom to work at my own pace is good, but I really am a person who needs (and thrives on) some structure.

I’m also fairly sure that the two big trips this semester haven’t helped with the school issue. My regular routines have been knocked too far out of kilter and life is just, well, it’s just not grand right now. In all fairness, this last weekend, the eight-month anniversary, was better than grand. Good food, lots of laughter, snuggles, massages, just a great time. I love that boy. But I didn’t do any homework this weekend beyond some reading and I know that made a difference.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is be gentle with yourself.

apparently i am not very good at this these days

In hindsight, having two international trips so close together was not the smartest thing I’ve ever done. In my defense, there was no way around it. Also in my defense, I’m still suffering wicked jet lag.

Today is my eight month anniversary with Lancelot. This is very excellent. My relationship with him is the healthiest I have ever had with a man. Not trying to say it’s perfect, but the bits that aren’t amazing are the sorts of things that aren’t always amazing in any relationship. They’re also the sorts of things that can be remedied. At any rate, eight months of mostly bliss is entirely lovely.

Here are some pictures of the trip to Dubai to amuse you (I hope).

falling apart

I am not well. I spent Friday seeing my regular doctor, having blood drawn, and having an x-ray taken of my ankle. This morning I went and saw an ear, nose, and throat specialist. I’d like to say I know more now than I did, but that’s only partially true. All I know for sure is that I’m ok to fly to Dubai on Wednesday, and I guess that’s the really important thing.

In hindsight, having these two major trips so close together was maybe not an ideal situation. There wasn’t much I could do about it, though, so I’m persevering. I will say that the Ireland trip was so much fun that there’s no way I’d have passed that up. The Dubai trip is purely work, but will hopefully still have some opportunity for fun.

I’m just about ready for the trip, there’s only a little last minute packing to be done. I’m still debating about which knitting project to take with. I’m concerned that the shawl I started on the Ireland trip is too close to being finished. We shall see.

Until then, I will leave you with this lovely little picture I took with my good camera while we were in the gardens on the grounds of Dublin Castle.

i’m baaaack!

No real time for a real post today, I have a paper due by 5pm. Seriously, who the fuck does homework while on holiday? Certainly not me.

Anyway, let me distract you with some photos from the Ireland trip…

Me and Mz K at our conference presentation
Lancelot and I at my birthday dinner
My stunning birthday bracelet
Shawl on a plane
At Dublin Castle
Amazing dinner and Irish dancing at Celtic Nights

We had a fantastic time. So fantastic that we’re planning to go back next year for my birthday.

so there i was, up to my false eyelashes in spent tissues and Hershey’s Kiss wrappers, when suddenly…

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but there have been some unfortunate events since last I posted. I’ll try to get through the bullshit quick so we can get on to the good stuff.

The weather here has finally started to warm up, which is good, but our house has a few ice dams on the roof which is not good. Saturday Lancelot and I went to the house to try to help Mom get some of the snow and ice off the roof, no mean feat given that our lot is not flat and the house is multi-story.

We were making decent progress until we got around to the back deck. I shortened the pole on the roof rake and was giving it all I had, which is probably why I slipped on the snow still on the deck. My ankle went under sideways, not how an ankle is supposed to bend. I think I screamed.

The good news is that I just bruised the knobby bone on the side, no major damage. It does look like hell. But Mom took Lancelot to the pharmacy and he got me a brace to wear and that helped quite a bit. Today I’ve been able to walk fine without the brace, though it is in my backpack just in case.

We were still able to go see Captain Marvel with Mom on Sunday morning. Excellent movie; can’t recommend it enough. I love how the Marvel Comics Universe includes so many strong female and minority characters.

In the not great news, my poor silver hair looks green. It’s no bueno. I’m going back tonight and she’s going to put a bright fuchsia over the top of it. I’m excited.

I’ve started packing for Dublin – only five days until we leave!!! I had to upgrade to my big suitcase, which is fine, but my colleague is still convinced she can take everything she needs in carry-on luggage. I think she’s nuts.

Anyway, things are mostly great. Lancelot is amazing and did a wonderful job taking care of me this weekend. Love that man.

Saturday morning we’re going to see my nieces march in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. I’m hoping the weather is good.