has anyone seen my mojo? i seem to have misplaced it

I am not doing so well right now. Sleep isn’t coming easy, or at all the one night, and my body is starting to complain quite loudly about that. I’m also a little out of sorts and not wanting to do much of anything. This is particularly NOT GOOD considering I have another paper due next Thursday.

As an aside, if I didn’t know for sure what that noise I just made was I would have sworn it was canon fire. It was actually some part of my back. Maybe that’s the sound vertebrae make when they say “thank you?”

Anyway, the weekend was not so stellar. It’s not entirely my story to tell so I won’t. What I will say is that it was rough emotionally and I’m hoping things settle out soon.

I have been working on the shawl and I’m hoping to finish it today. I haven’t made a ton of progress with any of my homework, which is seriously not good. I’ve also been eating pretty much anything that sits still too long, also not good.

So if anyone sees my mojo, or my mind, out wandering around, could you please send it back this way? It’s small and tends to get lost easily.

oh the weird

I’m not sure why I ever think my life is going to be “normal” but I do and then it’s not and I’m all “well what the fuck anyway” and then I get a little “meh, so what” and then Lancelot kisses me and I get so totally “well that’s worth the price of admission” and then it’s all good.

Exhausting, right? But yes, well worth the price of admission.

That was on Saturday. He surprised me with another absolutely stunning wire-wrapped aquamarine necklace, this time with a very delicate dragonfly in it. You can’t really see it in this picture, I’ll try for a better one tomorrow. But will you look at the grin on my man’s face? That is a grin of pure bliss, I assure you.

Today is the six month anniversary of our very first date. Not much of an anniversary, you say. Shut your damn pie hole, I say. It’s important to us and so we celebrated just a tiny bit this morning. I picked him up from work and surprised him with a leather love knot bracelet. (my matching bracelet should be here today, I think) He loved it and said that I have now “blinged him all out.” Yes, I have. And he loves it.

Anyway, in other news (is there other news? really?) I spent a fair amount of time yesterday typing up all of the journal entries I had written by hand when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar back in 2006. I think they help to tell the story I’m going for in the memoir. It’s amazing how much of what happened back then that I have absolutely no recollection of. Like none at all.

I’ve also been knitting, with a little help of course.

We’re watching my sister’s dog while they’re out of town so the cats have been a little more affectionate with Mom and I. Garth actually curled up on my lap just to snuggle, he wasn’t the least bit interested in my knitting. The knitting is coming along nicely. I’m on the downhill slide with this one. The colors are primarily hot pink, grey, and black. I’m curious to see how symmetrical it ends up. The pattern is deliciously easy and satisfying and I am definitely on track to finish it before the end of the month.

working (from home) for a living

We’ve had quite the snowy winter this season. I know we’ve had years in the past with more, but this seems like more. Not sure why. Probably because I’m thoroughly NOT FOND of snow. Yes, quite likely.

I have been picking Lancelot up from work in the mornings and delivering him to his apartment and that’s quite lovely. Hard as hell most of the time, but lovely. The hard part is the whole “I must be an adult and actually make my way to work in a timely fashion” thing. That well and truly fucking sucks.

At any rate, this morning it was snowing rather ferociously so I picked him up, we sat in the parking lot at his building for a few minutes and watched traffic on one of the main streets struggling, and I made the executive decision that today was a fine day to work from home. Home was (usually) about a 10 minute drive away whereas the office was (usually) at least 25 minutes at that time of morning. I opted for the much shorter and safer route. Quite pleased I did, too.

I did wear something knit today, for the hour I was actually dressed. As soon as I got home I changed into pjs. Yay for working at home!

It’s been a pretty productive day, actually. I’ve gotten work stuff done, naturally, and I’ve gotten some “house” stuff done. My personal laptop keeps barfing on me, and by that I mean locking up at random, and I find myself just waiting for it to be done with it’s fit so I’ve found other things to do while sitting at my desk.

I got my Valentine’s cards together, got a few things done for school, paid off two credit cards, and put together Lancelot’s anniversary package. On February 12th it will be six months. Silly? Perhaps. But I’m excited and so is he.

Garth has decided that he prefers spending time in kitten jail (a.k.a. Mom’s laundry basket).

He jumped in there last night while I was doing laundry. He is a crazy little critter.

I have also been trying to get some idea of what I actually have on hand for yarn. I have no delusions about getting a handle on what I have on hand, that’s just ridiculous, but I’d like to know. So, where does one start with such a project? With the partial balls of sock yarn that need to be wound up, by hand of course. I think it’s safe to say at this point that I could make a very large shawl with partial skeins of yarn. It would be the ugliest shawl in all recorded history, but still. I am very excited to say that I’ve found a fair bit of Koigu in my stash, both full skeins and partial.


Anyway, one of my unwritten goals for the year is to not buy more craft supplies of any kind, but no more yarn in particular. I have stuff squirreled away in three different locations, and that’s just yarn. I have a whole rolling drawer thing that’s almost exclusively jewelry supplies, plus a significant portion of my desk drawer space is taken up with more supplies.

My name is Erin and I am a craft supply hoarder.

Hi, Erin.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, craft supplies. I have to say, I’m glad this whole being in grad school thing is so incredibly interesting or I might be pissed off that doing homework seriously cuts into my knitting time. But now I can drop suggestions on y’all like, “you should totally read Carrie Fisher’s memoir Wishful Drinking. It’s amazeballs.”

No, really, go read it. Now.


this might work…

I’m having one of those days where it feels like my brain is not my own. That makes no sense.  Only it does, to me. Let me try…

The weekend was good. We did a little shopping, a little relaxing, a lot of eating. Eating is always good.

So the story here… I got this shirt on Saturday at a funky little store at the mall. The learning management system we use at the university is Canvas. The Canvas mascot is a panda. This panda is boxing and has a black eye. Lancelot is big into various forms of fighting, boxing being one of them. Total win-win.

The fuzzbutts were not impressed. They aren’t impressed with much, to be honest. But last night they both slept with me for awhile which was nice. They are delightfully warm.

You may recall that I had to turn in my first packet for school last week and that it was late. And I was seriously freaked out. Well, turns out I didn’t need to be. I got lots (NINE FUCKING PAGES WORTH!) of great feedback from my mentor. I was in tears by the time I got to the end, but not because it was harsh. He had lots of really constructive and overall positive things to say. It was the last sentence that got me.

Excellent work.

And that, combined (apparently) with the fact that not only is Valentine’s Day next week but so is our six-month anniversary, is why I got this beautiful handmade necklace from Lancelot a bit early.

The stone at the bottom is a raw aquamarine, my birthstone. This has got to be the coolest piece of jewelry I own, hands down. No one has picked out jewelry for me like he has, I always love it and it’s completely “me.” It looks amazing with a new black dress I got on an Old Navy clearance sale for $6. WOOT!

Ok, I guess I should talk about the goals thing…

I did not weigh this morning, there wasn’t quite enough time. I did however make and drink a smoothie, so that’s good. I’m going to try to hit the treadmill when I get home. Wish me luck with that.

I think I mentioned that I had already kind of started with the writing, I’m going to try to spend at least 30 minutes every day on that. I figure that as a minimum should be good.

The craft project goal – right now I do have several shawls on the needles. I’ve been working on a very simple garter stitch shawlette called “Davina” mostly because it’s easy knitting and the yarn feels lovely in my hands. Also, the leaf shawlette thing has directions that are annoying me and the beaded shawl is fussy. But they will all get done. Right now I’m loving Davina and may well get her finished within the next two weeks.

the best laid plans of mice and me

It’s really not cool to turn in your very FIRST grad school assignment late. It’s not. But my laptop at home completely barfed on me last night and so I didn’t get everything turned in until this morning. My mentor didn’t seem pleased but he also didn’t seem pissed.

In all I would have to say that the last few days have been a little rough. The super cold weather is never good and it just kind of feels like I’ve been struggling. I’m hoping that I’ve gotten past that now and that life will improve.

That was yesterday’s knit thing. It’s a more traditional shawl, my own pattern, using a lovely wool yarn I picked up while on vacation in 2016. I based the pattern on my very favorite washcloth which looks like a flower. No clue at this point what the yarn was but it’s soft and incredibly warm. The design means it drapes around the shoulders and sits in place nicely all by itself.

Today I’m sporting my favorite purple shawl with the big flower pin. And new pink bangs. I rock this shit.

Now on to the goals…

In looking over my list there are several that will be taking place each month. Those are:

  1. Lose 5lbs each month
  2. Write more than 30 new pages for my memoir each month
  3. Craft projects

Just based on the number of projects on my craft list I’ll need to finish at least one per month. This month I’m going to concentrate on finishing one of the shawls I have started, just not sure which one.

I have already been working on adding to my memoir and even though the month technically just started today I’m already up 14 pages, which is almost half of the minimum requirement.

The weight loss thing will be the kicker. I’m trying to modify my eating habits to start with, mainly by adding a healthy smoothie back in to my morning routine. I typically use a single serving carton of low-carb vanilla yogurt, frozen fruit (that I froze myself so I know it’s just fruit), and either 100% fruit juice (no sugar added) or milk. Yesterday I picked up some of the V8 Fusion juice that’s both fruit and veggie juice but just tastes like fruit for even more health benefit.

So I still need to make a decision about the shawl and I need to officially start the health kick thing. I’m thinking Monday.

This weekend I have plans to relax and get stuff done with Lancelot. It’s been amazing giving him rides home from work this week, but I definitely need time for good hugs that aren’t rushed.

the sound of sucking

I feel the need to try not to vent, contrary to what the title of this post is going to suggest. Here goes…

Hi Mama!!!

My little Garth decided to start the morning by doing acrobatics on top of the kitchen cupboards. He’s a little nutty like that.

That was the original manuscript on the left and the new/revised on the right. I went through the new one last night and marked where I’d added new material and made changes to the old stuff. It took forever. Tonight I’ll start writing my first critical essay. Yikes.

Today’s knit thing… It’s purple, white, and grey and it kind of looks like bunting. It was supposed to be symmetrical but since I can’t be bothered to pay attention to yardage requirements it’s not. But it works. And DAMN do I look good today.

Looking good today is nice because I picked L up from work this morning. We’re having dangerously cold weather and vicious winds so he hasn’t been waiting for the bus but has been getting an Uber home, which is an unnecessary expense. I told him I’m happy to give him rides when it’s like this and all I charge is a few kisses.

This was from Saturday but aren’t we just adorable together?

I’m still trying to figure out how to attack the goals. I’ve added a few more craft projects but that was primarily because I’ve already crossed two things off that list. I’m really kind of excited about all of this. Nothing like the smell of freshly crossed off “to do” items in the morning.


holy frozen monday

First, my blog hates me. It’s not posting things when it’s supposed to and some of the pictures are showing up ridiculously huge. I am truly sorry. Let me try to distract you with some interesting content that will hopefully publish immediately and with appropriately sized images. I shall try anyway.

Friday night Lancelot and I went for Thai food. I love Thai food. We tried the fried calamari and it was beyond delish.

Saturday’s knit thing was this funky little raglan sweater I made several years ago from yarn Mom got me for my birthday. It’s (I think) Malabrigo Rios, no clue on the color right now other than it’s a blue-ish green that isn’t a solid color. It’s gorgeous and soft and looks great on me.

We started the day with the famous Creme Brulee waffles that started our relationship, always a good thing. The day was spent doing a little shopping, seeing Aquaman with Mom, and then lunch at Lazlo’s, a local restaurant that has amazing food.

Yesterday I did actually wear a shawl, but I didn’t get a picture. Mom and I thought we had tickets to see a play, and we did, but for last week. So we went to lunch and then did a little shopping. But no picture. It was, however, this shawl…

And actually, I wore that same brooch.

Today I have on a new shirt I got yesterday hoping it would work with Sweet Louise. What do you think?

I think it works.

Anyway, busy week ahead. I need to get my homework taken care of by Thursday, I want to have my goals plan ready to unveil on Friday, there’s a therapy appointment today, TSA Pre-check appointment on Wednesday, appointment with an attorney to draw up my estate documents, and Mom has a major eye appointment on Thursday. Oh, and I think I’m getting a haircut. Seriously considering going all purple, just lighter lilac in the front. Time for a tiny change, yo.

Garth is not impressed.

so there I was, hip deep in empty bubble gum wrappers and surrounded by rabid bunny rabbits when suddenly…

Ah, if only my life was anywhere near that exciting…

Actually, yesterday I had a little too much excitement. It’s quite the bad thing when your learning management system all of a sudden “forgets” who was enrolled last semester. Even worse when it forgets last semester AND the current semester. Fortunately our very talented systems people got it fixed. But there was much excitement of the “are you fucking kidding me???” variety yesterday afternoon which is pretty well never the kind I like.

In the “there has to be a silver lining to this fucking shit storm of a day” category, the travel arrangements for my trip to Dubai are starting to come together. That was good. It sounds like if we go with the option I’m voting for I’ll be on a plane for almost 14 straight hours again, but I know I can hack that. No sweat.

I think I mentioned at one point that one of my goals is to write more pages than the required minimum for each MFA packet I submit. I did a quick check this morning and I’ve added more than 30 pages of NEW content. The requirement of 30 pages as set in the assignment includes both revision and new. So I do believe I’m set. Now for the fun (HA!) part – I need to go through the new file and make note of all the changes and new content.  Plus I have to write a critical essay. All of that is due by next Thursday.

I got this.

And now, day two of the “wear something knit” challenge!

This is a very basic top-down raglan sweater with YO increases at sleeves. What you can’t see in this picture is that it’s got short sleeves and it’s cropped. It’s also sloppy as hell. I was not that great with the whole gauge thing. But if I wear it over a shirt that has something on the shoulders it mostly sticks. I love the stripes that the yarn made. It’s a Plymouth wool that was similar to Noro. I would have knit this probably in 2011. It’s a great layering piece for when it’s cold out.

things I have done since last we met

  • Finished a book and started another
  • Added roughly 13 pages to my manuscript
  • Got my outfits/jewelry assembled for the week
  • Took care of some nasty health care paperwork nonsense that was leftover from last year
  • Saw “On the Basis of Sex” with Mom (cannot recommend this movie ENOUGH)
  • Went shopping and, to my credit, managed to spend just shy of $100 (in my defense, I really did need all of it, seriously)
  • Fixed the knit vest (pictures on Friday when I wear it)
  • Paid a few bills
  • Scored a pair of gloves for $1.09
  • Started an easy knit shawl that will become the new “at work” knitting project
  • Decided on a new challenge for myself (more in a moment)

Most importantly, I had an absolutely amazing weekend with Lancelot. It was normal, and quiet, and some might dare to say boring, and I completely loved every minute of it. Totally what I needed.

Ok, new challenge… I realized that I keep knitting pretty things but I suck at wearing them. So this week I have a knit shawl or sweater lined up for every day. I’m going to continue doing this, something different each day, for as long as the weather continues to be cold enough to justify it. I should be good through June, at least.

At any rate, life is good. The only suck thing right now is that my skin bullshit is acting up. Fortunately that didn’t start full force until late yesterday. Which reminds me, today is Humira day. Yay.

for my next trick…

That’s the shawl I showed you the other day, but in action. The light in my office, even with the magic sunlamp on, is still shitty. But you get the idea. Plenty of purple and red and magenta and just tons of lovely. And it’s WARM. Almost like wearing a small blanket. My friend Nancy helped me get it readjusted after I took my coat off and commented that my outfit is nice but with the shawl on it’s amazing. (keep in mind that I’m wearing a pretty boring purple sweater, jeans, and brown Ugg-style boots)

At any rate, yay.

Last night I did the grocery shopping for an event we’re doing at work this morning and for the weekend with Lancelot. Somehow I managed to fuck my back up in the process. I has the talents, yo. Anyway, that meant I was in no mood to do homework so I decided to knit. And that meant I had zero interest in working on one of the already named projects that needs to get done. Naturally. So I finished the first 34 row repeat of a lace (ish) shawl that uses a worsted weight yarn and has a leaf motif. It’s going to be stunning. And it’s going to get added to the list. I don’t imagine it will take long, it’s not a terribly large shawl. The yarn though, damn. Gorgeous doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Our weather is about to take a turn for the worse, which is typical for January in Nebraska. I was a little surprised that we stayed open (so far) today given that EVERY FUCKING ONE of the public schools in the area have already closed, but whatevs. I’m leaving after our event this morning. I have homework to do.

Speaking of homework, I’ve got two books to try to get read this weekend plus some writing to do. Plus I need to figure out some easy way to keep track of where I’m making additions in my manuscript so I can monitor not only how many pages I’m adding but also be able to point out to my mentor where those changes are so that he can evaluate them. Oy.

Ever Onward!