there i was, cornered in a cardboard shoe box, no popcorn left, trying my best to look like that stacked dude in To Wong Foo…

Why yes, I have gone over the edge, thanks for asking!

I really should be working right now, but I figure I deserve a break for a few minutes. I’ve been making good progress here lately which is good. I even managed to get some laundry done last night, so total bonus. Lancelot and I will be puppy-sitting tomorrow afternoon so I’m going to try to get some stuff done at the house while he keeps an eye on Pippi.

She really is an adorable little shit. So ornery. I found Garth’s favorite toy, Rhonda the Raccoon (also known as his fuck friend) yesterday in my laundry basket. PippiĀ  latched onto her immediately. Last night when we went to bed I got all the animals and Garth brought Rhonda to bed. The second he was done with her Pippi swiped her. Kids. Eric stayed sprawled out behind me in his usual night time spot.

I woke up this morning to a message from L saying that he’d had a song stuck in his head that reminded him of me. I listened and nearly cried; it’s very sweet. The original was from the Beatles “Help!” album released in August 1965. The video below is Paul McCartney with Wings from a tour they did in 1976.

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catching up

So much to tell… Many interesting things have happened since last I wrote. Some have been awesome, some have been awful. Let’s start by getting the awful out of the way, shall we?

The dermatologist has put me on a new med to try and help with my cysts. Actually, what it’s supposed to do is help me lose weight. And that means my chubby butt is back on the damn diet. The good part of this is that I’m really trying again. Hopefully this time it sticks.

The other slightly awful bit is that it’s August, and August at a university is busy as fucking hell. It is what it is.

The good bit about August is that Lancelot’s birthday was earlier this week, Mom’s birthday is in a few weeks, and her new puppy will be picked up next Monday. That also happens to be the one year anniversary of my first date with L. Once we had that date we never looked back. No going out with anyone else since then. Don’t we make a cute couple?

That smile gets me every time.

Part of why I haven’t written deals with the most recent shootings. No, I was not involved directly. No, I’m not an expert on any of this. But yes, I feel marginalized because of the statements the President has made regarding better screening for people who have mental illnesses wanting to purchase guns and how “those people” might have to be involuntarily committed.

This is how genocide starts.

It’s happening at the southern border with the detention camps and with the ICE raids. His rhetoric is to blame for many of the shootings; people who have become emboldened by his hate speech against minorities.

I am a minority if you use mental illness as a way in which I am different than other parts of the population.

I fully agree that we need easier access to higher quality mental health care, 100%. But don’t you dare fucking think that you should have the right to lock me up against my will, denying me of my constitutional rights, just because you’re uneducated and refuse to listen to reason.

On a lighter note, here is Eric the Red taking a brief rest from playing with his squirrel toy…

i love you spoon

I’ve decided I’m just going to give up on forks for awhile. Spoons are where it’s at.

I do have a bit more energy now that I’ve stopped the blood pressure thing. Honestly, if I could remember how to spell it I’d tell you what it is. Anyway, I was able to get two loads of laundry done last night after work and that was after going and getting my hair cut and colored. So I’m feeling better about being able to function.

Functioning is good, particularly this weekend. My dearest Lancelot has a birthday on Monday so I’m planning to spoil him rotten this weekend. Some home cooked meals, a movie, a concert, and a dinner out are all on the lineup so far. I started the shenanigans yesterday with a silly little stuffed monkey. Today he got a little package of chocolates. I love spoiling that man.

Tomorrow is dermatologist day. Not sure what to think about this. I’ve been taking Humira for ages now and it doesn’t seem to be helping much anymore. I take two pills on top of that and I’m not seeing much come from them either. I had the same nonsense on my legs and they removed it with surgery but with where it’s at now that just isn’t an option.

Having chronic nonsense is frustrating. The mental health stuff, the skin stuff, the weirdo stomach issues that act up sometimes… It’s just more than I want to deal with, ya know?

Thank you Cowboy Sam Elliot, I think I will.

the ridiculous expense of convenience

I have the most unusual thoughts while driving myself to work in the morning. For example, you can’t swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a fucking drive thru coffee shop. Seriously, they’re in every parking lot and on every goddamn corner. It’s utterly insane. And for what? Overpriced coffee drinks in cups that will end up in the landfill and typically aren’t that great for your health.

UGH.

Maybe it’s because I’m sleep deprived right now but it seems to me that not going to the coffee shop every morning would be a great way to start saving some money and some calories. Now don’t get me wrong, I have my own particular, and peculiar, caffeine addiction but I take care of it on the cheap. And yes I’ve probably babbled about this before but I’m going to do it again.

On Sunday I brew at least one, sometimes two, 12 cup pots of coffee depending on how much I used the week before. I use good quality flavored coffee. I’m lazy so I just use a regular old drip coffee maker. I let it cool and then pour it into a gallon plastic jug, purchased just for that purpose. I also add sweetener, either powdered Splenda or sugar free Torani flavored syrup.

In the morning I get my 32oz insulated metal cup and fill it half with my cold coffee, a splash of cream, and the rest with milk. Sometimes I add ice. This costs me next to nothing but a little time to make the coffee.

I’m also not waiting in line at the coffee shop, wasting time and gas. That’s super important to me in the summer.

Now, where I will spend money for “convenience” is on single serving snack stuff. I have a terrible time with portion control so the 100 calorie packs of snacks like Pringles are a savior for me.

It’s all about picking your battles, kiddos.

Speaking of battles…

My mom got the boys a cat tree over the weekend. They love it. Garth won the battle for King of the Top Sleepy Spot this time.

In the dessert battle category…

Quinoa with creamed lavender honey and blueberries. It was an experiment since there was extra quinoa, but not enough to save. Rather tasty.

My pea plants are doing much better this year. I’m hoping they’ll keep going for awhile yet.

I meant to take knitting pics this morning but was running way too late. I brought the shawl that had been living at L’s place home to work on. It’s turning out lovely.

so there I was, up to my false eyelashes in chicken feathers and ginger ale bottles

It’s been hot here lately. HOT. Sadly that means my energy levels are super low. I’m having one hell of a time getting motivated to start walking again, even inside on the treadmill with both fans going. And I know I need to get some activity in.

But…

Somehow, and I’m really not sure how, I’ve lost 2 1/2lbs since last Friday. And this baffles me because Lancelot and I didn’t exactly eat super healthy food over the weekend. We mostly ate crap to be honest.

Anyway, I’m excited, super excited, and I’m hoping this helps jump start my walking and activity. So YAY!

In other news, I finally got my new glasses.

They almost perfectly match my hair, they have tons of bling, and the clip on sunglasses are amazing.

With the exception of the weather this week is shaping up well. It’s a short week for me, only three days, and then I have a delightful five day weekend. And then the following week is only four days and then I’m off work until July 22nd. We aren’t going anywhere exotic this time, just taking time off work to relax and enjoy each other’s company. I can’t wait.

well shit

Any woman will tell you how frustrating it is to bleed. Unlike men, we don’t just bleed. We bleed. And it can last for a week without the blessed relief of death. I’m kidding, or am I?

When I was 35 years old I had a partial hysterectomy. I was having horrible periods, my gynecologist and psychiatrist were partially controlling my mood issues with birth control pills (mostly successfully), but I had reached that magic age where that wasn’t going to work anymore. So they took out my uterus and cervix. Problem solved. Sort of.

When I was 39 I had surgery on my legs to deal with a skin issue. I have a condition where I get huge cysts that get infected and ooze yuck. Part of the oozing was blood, so even though I no longer had a period I was still dealing with getting blood on my clothes at random times. UGH.

The surgery mostly dealt with that, at least until the cysts moved into my groin. Wow, nothing like having cysts in your lady bits.

I’m taking Humira injections once a week plus two pills to try to combat this. It SUCKS but most of the time I know when I’ve got something active.

Evidently today is one of those days and I just got blindsided.

FUUUUUUUUU

The good news is that it doesn’t hurt, and I’m wearing pants that should hide any spots. But for fuck sake, enough is enough.

things i’ve been learning

  • eating a bowl of ice cream isn’t going to make the world end
  • “traditional” meal prep isn’t necessarily right for me – I get bored too easily
  • variety is crucial; this includes a little junk every now and then
  • my mental health is every bit as important as my physical health; I can’t neglect one in favor of the other
  • this is a process
  • Lancelot thinks I’m beautiful no matter what
  • I lost 1lb since Monday even with eating the ice cream last night

The lighting in my office is horrid. But yes, I’m wearing tie-dye. This is a high-low skirt and kimono style vest over a white tank. I got the combo at the art festival a few weeks ago. I made the jewelry. I think this may be my new favorite outfit.

Mom and I are trying to eat healthy dinners together and I’m trying to have healthy lunches but I really have realized that having the exact same lunch every day is not for me. There will be similar pieces, such as fresh clementines and hard boiled eggs, but I’m going to try for something a little different. If I have a salad I’ll try to put different things on it, you know, stuff like that.

I know for damn sure that if I get bored with the food I’ll drop this damn “healthy eating” thing like a hot rock.

Yes, it’s a pain in the ass to make a lunch every night, but the pay off will be worth it.

One down, 99 to go…